~*~ You Are Truly Loved ~*~
Hi,Wondered if anyone can help me please,and/or tell me how much the stars are having an influence on this problem for me,and if things will improve or not etc.,thanks in advance to all.
Long story,but been with my wife who’s 10 years older than me(not that that has anything to do with it really)for over 4 years.Anyway,I’m certain she’s my soulmate,and even dreamed about our first date before we even first physically met,all the people after our meal who were there had been in my dream days before.
Anyway I was in a bad way many months after coming out of a 13 year relationship/marriage with my first wife(even if it was my choice to end it).It was the first online dating I had tried,she was the first I even talked to online,we hit it off(online)but would say I was optimistic but realistic about the chances of feeling mutual about each other after meeting in person,but hey,hardly a day passed without seeing each other,texting always etc and I soon moved in with her.
We got married almost 2 years ago and our wedding was great,and also got a new bigger home.Unfortunately in this last 2 yrs aprox,she has had two different cancer scares/treatment etc though thankfully caught in time and not as bad as could have been.
Really feel or felt I did my best through it all,she agrees I did but only on a practical level,not on an emotional level and reckons I buried my head in the sand,busying myself with other things,maybe I did in hindsight.To be fair I felt shut off during it all anyway,and she had even said I could leave if I wanted when first diagnosed as she didn’t know how she would feel after it all,and so I didn’t have to go through it with her.I was heartbroken at her even saying that,and found that as hard or harder than the cancer to deal with.After all she had been there for me and last thing on my mind was throwing the towel in like that,on my soulmate.
She’s still on medication,coming out the other end or over the worst,and working full time(against my wishes really,but respect her decision),and I work full time also,long hours and day/nightshifts,hence as I do nearly all or a good chunk of the housework etc,feel I never stop,but don’t mind and I do it for her so she can get the rest she should be having,but she never stops either really.
My only hobby is my cars really,and my only escape,as I don’t drink or have much of a social life(don’t have much time or energy left for one)So didn’t really think I was doing much wrong….
Until a few weeks back when we had an arguement(which in hindsight I agree had been building for a while and was partly caused by lack of communication by both of us,and presuming we knew what each other was wanting etc)….
The rest..I admit has nearly all been my fault,a lack of affection from me,listening,making time for her and doing things together like we did before.All or partly caused by problems at my work the last few years(which I dealt with head on months ago when I realised it was affecting me/us and home life).
So she has moved into spare room,doesn’t want me anywhere near her,and maybe never will again she says!!..and strikes me as coincidence she started on another 2 new medications just a week or so before,but has fallen out of love with me she says.
I’m gutted,and never given up hope so far…but do admit the more I’ve had a chance to think I’m realising all the more what I could and should have done much sooner,and what I need to change about me.I’ve told her all this,and to be honest..I’m not sure she knows what she wants..not wearing her ring/seperate rooms..but still cooking my tea and washing clothes(the only two chores I don’t/can’t do very well).
She says she wants space,so me texting her or telling her how much I love her is pressuring her she says.I’ve tried sending flowers to her work etc and even not text for days now,but is really playing with my head,as she has been married twice before,knows her own mind,and if she decides to go,she will just go,even without notice maybe.
So worried,I love her so much,and want to show it,and prove how much I’ve already changed and realised.I just want to be with her forever and look after her.Any help folks? thanks
The guy I am interested in has the same problem (medical and past/present family issues). The difference is that he is the Virgo and I am the Scorpio. The main problems I’ve always read about with our combination is that Virgo tends to overthink and Scorps tend to overreact. Simplified, to be sure, but basically. She is confused by your attitude (and lack of interest). Make her little peace offerings. Court her again. Don’t overdo it though. Send her short texts to tell her only that you are thinking of her, how she is, about her day. Ask her for a “date” for dinner that night,then make her favorite dinner or something exotic and her favorite movie on TV. Offer a foot massage or back rub with no expectations of anything (make sure she knows this prior to and stand by it). Instead of sending flowers to work, send her lunch from her favorite place. The meds probably aren’t helping. But personally, I would love to know that you are still interested in the “damaged” me and not just feeling obligated to be doing that stuff. You need to show her that you are still very interested and still in love with her, no matter the physical problems she is having.
she loves you. i think she doesn’t want to burden you by her sickness; but actually she’ll appreciate you so much if you can convince her that you’re willing to be in her side no matter what happens.
probably she is thinking that you don’t love her as much as before because you don’t talk to her much–and probably thinking that you’ll get happy with another woman because she is sick now. actually no, she doesn’t want to ignore you. you just need to comfort her and give your shoulder for her; to let her tell you what she wants to say.
since you are a virgo man, i can understand that you don’t show your feeling much to your beloved one. /i’m a scorpio and my man is virgo :]/ so please, try to love her by always being in her side as much as you can. give her a warm hug, kiss her forehead, remind her of your past with her (before you two fell into an argument) instead of sending her flowers and not appearing in her sight. accompany her is the best; you can try to bring her somewhere quiet and relaxing.
she wants freedom, but it doesn’t mean that you lose control of her. being a man that she can rely on and be proud of is what she wants from you. tough but understanding; ask her to talk about her problems instead letting her being silent and cold towards you. she will start to get warm at you again.
good luck! :]