We have already discussed about 18 Best Valentine’s Day Gifts You Can Get For Him. So, we hope that ideas have worked well and some of you have taken a step forward in the commitment ladder and moved in. Yes, living in together is quite a big step and more complex than you think. Modern day lifestyles and openness to experience have led to the emergence of live in relationships. Some people think of living in as a better alternative to marriage. “You are not bonded, no in-laws and you enjoy your personal space”, says a 27 year old software engineer living in from the past 2 years with his girl-friend.
While there are many pragmatic hiccups to living in; there are also many blissful experiences too. It’s a mixed pot with its share of tears, laughter and romance. For some it’s a completely eccentric idea made for celebrities and not real people. There are also some who want to gauge their chemistries and then decide whether to get hitched or not. Whatever be your stance, let’s have a look at things that are important in a live-in relationship.
The Fun Side
There is obviously plenty of fun when you move in. You can do a multitude of things together and have fun too. You no longer miss each other and there is a full stop to all the waiting hours. The whole arrangement of cohabitation is quite fulfilling, at least initially. People enjoy the task of managing a new home, shopping and making a common love space. As per a recent study, couples who are living in feel better about their relationship because they get to share the same space. “I can directly come home and be with him after work. Earlier, we had to plan evenings and could not see each other apart from weekends”, remarks a young girl who has recently shifted with her partner in a new apartment.
Living in is not a romance movie
It’s crucial for all of us to realize that you cannot be in a romantic bonhomie the entire life. Not with the same person, at least. It has to come to ground and needs to be worked through. The kind of affection portrayed in movies and television is just a fairy tale. You too may experience it in the initial part of dating but it will fade away gradually. We start thinking that we have moved in with some prince or princess but it is also crucial to know that they are imperfect too. Research suggests that over 67% couples felt that attraction has lowered after they started living together. It’s a natural phase of all relationships and one needs to be comfortable to such ground realities.
Helping each other
One of the best things about live-in relationships is that you are constantly around each other. Helping each other nurtures your relationship. Couples can enjoy each other’s company all the time and be available whenever needed. It especially works when one of the partners is not well, upset or having some problem. Not just physical, it’s a great emotional support as well. “I was unwell and called him up midnight. He had to come a long way to my apartment and took me to the doctor. But now we live together and he is always there for me”, says a lady who is happy living with her partner.
This is where live-in relationships have an edge over marriage. While marriage brings a set of social responsibilities, live-in enjoy total freedom. One is not bonded by social norms and love is the only thing that keeps you together. But does that mean you completely evade answerability to each other? Well, that is a tricky question. It depends on how much liabilities the two people bring to the common space. For some partners it is perfectly alright to come late without being checked. While for others, both make it a point to inform each other if any late night plans with friends have to be made. You can definitely enjoy your freedom but with predefined limits.
50:50 or not
A partnership usually demands 50:50 contributions, both financially and physically. But in relationships this formula may not always work. Once you decide to move in, there are certain obvious issues you need to sort out. Finances, daily chores, responsibilities and a plethora of things are to be discussed upon. Often couples think of equal shares and move on. Some work out a different formula and it is always advisable to be proactive about division of resources. It could be anything between who pays grocery bills to who cleans the utensils. Things cleared in advanced makes life easy and hassle free for both partners.
This is a common misconception that couples plan to live-in for sex. We do not find sex to be the foremost cause for living in. Yes, intimacy does make you indulge in physical pleasures but it’s not for the sake of sex alone. As per a recent survey by an Australian magazine, 27% of the couples reported that sex was not at all important when the decision to start living in was made. Some even said that they have separate rooms and hardly have sex. “It’s all about your commitment, sex is not primarily important if you have an emotional bond with the person”, says a young girl. Experts often advise couples to be clear in their heads about the reason to be together. If you plan to live under one roof for the sole purpose of physical reasons, it’s not a great idea.
Live-in as a precursor to marriage
Modern couples often plan to live-in before getting hitched. It’s crucial to gauge a person’s habits, temperaments and nature before you make the important decision to get married. So many couples across the globe change their minds after living in together. “It’s a reality check. Living with your partner 24X7 makes you aware of certain things which you otherwise cannot discover. Once you are very clear about her imperfections, your marriage is based on realistic expectations”, remarks a young guy who is getting married to his girl-friend after living in for two years.
Living in with habits
A person is the aggregate of his habits. Messy hair, scattered stuff, wet towel on the floor, untidy bed and bad breath are just an introduction to the realities of living in. We all are imperfect humans and have certain infirmities too. The significant other needs to be completely comfortable with your habits and tantrums. It is sometimes shocking to discover that the lovely lady who is always dressed up like a ramp model can fart so loudly. The handsome guy who never stops looking good could actually be an unshaved, untidy boy roaming around in boxers. That is real life. It’s all about discovering the realities of life. Living in together could be a great eye opener for many couples.
Friends and Family
Some couples are comfortable with the idea of informing parents and family about the decision to live-in. There are others who keep it secretive. Once you have decided to live together, it’s better to be open and upfront about it. You and your partner should discuss about the comfort levels if friends or family visits you. “I told my boy friend that I do not want his mother to come and visit us, I do not want his buddies to hang around in my living room. It’s so uncomfortable”, says a girl. Each one of us has different ideologies when it comes to privacy and comfort. It’s advisable that you speak out your mind to your partner and clear out the differences.
The ‘C’ word is often dreaded by urban couples these days. The response to commitment varies widely across people. Some feel living in with the partner requires commitment. They say it’s all about loving and being committed to each other. There are others who feel that lack of commitment is the reason for live-in. They would argue about their freedom to walk out anytime they wish to. Both are justified and pragmatic. So, it all depends on what you expect from your relationship. Experts suggest that both partners need to be clear about their level of commitment. If one is totally dedicated while other is casual then the relationship will be lopsided. People should work out a mutual equation and make a prudent choice.
After this in-depth analysis and insightful dissection of live-in relationships, it’s also important to remember that you come together for mutual fun and romance. Nothing should stop you from filling the home with the aroma of vanilla candles and roses. Flower petals in the bath tub and scintillating ambience are a must have if you want to create real romance. One should strike the balance between emotional bliss and pragmatic aspects. Once you know it right, nothing can come in your way of perfect happiness.