“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”
― Dave Meurer
We have been well versed with various kinds of romantic relationships so far. A lot has been discussed about marriage and love and romance in our earlier write ups. Let’s dwell into a rarely discussed relationship, the live-in relationships.
Cohabiting With Partner Before Marriage
The live-in relationships have lately been in acceptance amongst the younger generation, even though it is still an objectionable matter with parents and elders. But shacking up with your partner before marriage could be actually a negative point and one of the reasons for future marital discords and in extreme situations even divorce. Following are some of the most negative aspects of cohabiting with your love interest before marrying him/her:
- The most bitter truth about couples who cohabitate before marriage in most of the cases do not land up getting together for life. You and your partner might find each other as the most suitable better halves for each other, but the fact being that the roles as husband and wife is not very much like that of girl friend and boy friend. Not that the ingredient of love is amiss , but it is the multiple factors of responsibilities and much more which adds to the changes in nature of both the people in relationship.
- Marriage comes with the charms of honeymoon and cuddles and much more. Living in together before marriage obviously tends to take away this part of post marriage. Now that the excitement’s over, all that is psychologically left is the actual working part of being in commitment. Not all of you might find this fact agreeable but many would.
- According to statistical data, couple who live together before marriage face behavioural variations in their partners such as alcohol addiction, acts of insolence, post marriage instable communication, increased assaults which could be physical or emotional or mental or even verbal assault.
- As mentioned above, cohabitation helps the couple understand each other or rather know all about each other beforehand. All this living and sharing lives together gives rise to emotional closeness apart from physical intimacy. Where you might be emotionally attached and dependent on him/her already, he/she on the contrary might not be attached with you in the same manner. This would result most likely in a break up or a relationship not going as far as marriage. Such a scenario is most likely because the partners are well aware of not being legally liable to each other and as a result are free to move out as and when they feel like to, even though it might be shattering for one of the partner. Where as in marriage, couple are aware of their responsibilities or being in a marital bond which convinces them to work out or to try to work out the differences before calling it quits in extreme cases.
- Living in doesn’t mean being in a committed relationship. It is not necessarily out of love. It is in most of the cases an infatuation or a sexual attraction and a willingness to practice a sexual freedom away from the bounds of family and elders. In such relationships, the two people living in together are not necessarily bound by each other as well and feel free to be involved in relationships outside too without being answerable to their partner.
- Bothe men and women have been found to have a different view point about cohabitation without commitment. Where on one hand woman sees it as a step forth towards creating a liking for each other so as to reach the zenith of marriage, a man on the other hand views it as a way to test the chances of spending the future with his partner. As a result of this, when a woman might want to head further and get committed, the man not essentially might prefer to do the same. And thus needless to tell that this would result in heart break.
- Sometimes a couple enter a live-in relationship so as to be able to live in a certain place with a shared rent. Though, this is not majorly the primary thought. But if and when the relationship breaks, the little dilemma it leaves behind is who owns the place?
- Since you are not in a legally committed relationship when living in together, you are devoid of being responsible regarding any financial or medical emergencies towards each other.
- Living in together in some cases might strengthen the foundation of a future marital commitment or relation, but in most of the cases it plays a spoil sport since the two people are too free to understand the significance of being in commitment. It is to say that the freedom wins over commitment in actual terminology.
Few Advantages Of Being In A Live-In Relationship-
While some of us opine against living together of a couple before marriage, some do stand firm for it. Here are the obvious reasons:
- Some people say that living in is a test for both couple which rather makes them stronger in handling each other in all situations rather than be surprised after marriage. Whether it is about arguments, disagreements, habits etc. , the two people living in together get used to each other or are able to decide whether they would be able to spend their lives with each other or not.
- Couple who live together before marriage are better at balancing relationship with freedom or each other’s space rather than acting a cribber.
- Couple find sex more frequent and interesting when not obliged to each other.
- It is unlikely to find many who would willingly prefer getting a heap of responsibilities such as the ones that come with a committed relationship. This ‘no responsibility’ scenario makes living in all the more interesting for both the people as they are miles away from the duties of kids, financial credibility etc.
- ‘What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is yours’ and this freedom of finances is most preferred by even those who are in marriage.
- If you feel dissatisfied with your live-in partner then you can always walk out or be involved elsewhere without being accountable to your cohabiting partner.
- Some people prefer the living in relationships because these are less shattering when breaking up as compared to the emotional distraught selves that the couple go through if the parting happens after marriage.
- Something that is least avoidable in every marriage is the societal influence they undergo. This situation never takes place in a live in relationship for the obvious reasons of it being legally free.
Things Worth Contemplation When Heading For Cohabitation With Romantic Partner-
If you are considering moving in with your date or have already moved in, then the following facts are something you would be thankful to be brought into light-
- If you are a male moving in with your girl-friend, then this one’s for you. Girls are more likely to be the first to talk about having kids which you are most likely to be scared to think of.
- You should know that you are going to be sharing the place with someone who might or might not share her/his habits or nature as per you, eg: you cannot leave your TV switched on all the time or your towel hanging around anywhere or the bathroom door open at all times or kitchen all scattered etc. Also, even if these habits are not to your liking, you might have to keep up with those as neither you are liable to your partner nor is she/he to you.
- Even though you aren’t sexually committed to each other, being open towards hooking up outside might force you to put your thinking cap on most of the time.
- If one of you is working less hours at office than the other then there is absolutely no harm in doing a little more household work than the one who is working more.
- If you both intend to take it along way then it is better not to already begin relying on each other.
- Living in together might as well be a good learning ground for both of you as far as the relationship aspects are concerned.
The life together for a couple before marriage can be totally different as compared to post marriage. Where you might think that life would be easier after marriage, then this calls for a change in opinion. On the other hand, your decision to live with your partner before legally bound, might prove beneficial in the long run.