Men marry women with a hope they will never change. Women marry men with a hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
The above quote says all about the perplexing nature of the usually named ‘sacred’ union of marriage. The fragile and obscure subject of marriage has been taken up in the previous articles wherein the different aspects of a relationship has been dealt with an in depth analysis.
A prevalent and widely believed misconception says that the love marriages don’t last longer. Well, it’s a myth, but at the same time it holds right due to few pivotal reasons.
Why Love Marriage?
- Since both the partners have known each other since sometime, it is obvious that each one would be well acquainted with eachother’s likes and dislikes; expectations; worthiness etc.
- Love marriage involves self selection of the life partner, i.e. one chooses whom one would be comfortable to spend his/her life with. It is a union that is not imposed upon but is with one’s own will and wish.
- There exists a different kind of mutual understanding owing to the fact that the two people know eachother since sometime. Thus compatibility comes preformed.
- It is also believed that in love marriage each partner is able to accept and mingle with the family of his/her counterpart. Thus the family ties are better with a good bonding and rapport.
- Choosing a life partner on your own gives you more comfort and security. Also you feel more free to express yourself in front of your better half considering the fact that the two people in relation have known and understood each other for a long time prior to uniting in this sacred bond.
Why To Reconsider Love Marriage?
- Be it the Indian society or the Western world, bringing the families to accept their children’s decision to marry out of love can be a huge task. Remember, if you can be stubborn to marry each other with valid reasons of yours, so can be your respective families remain negative with their own set of genuine reasons. Therefore, it all can be mentally and emotionally a troublesome phase for all in immediate connection.
- Expectations are sometimes the root cause of any love marriage’s failure. Having known each other for long, expectations are bound to increase and deepen out of human nature. The emotional involvement of the two people during courtship is boundless and practicality usually takes a back seat until the marriage happens. In such relations, expectations increase with time and post marriage each partner is likely to take the counterpart for granted. Failure to fulfil one’s expectations, thus give rise to the possible future feuds between the couple.
- As described above, the sensible part of it all is usually ignored and not attributed in the days of pursuit, so post marriage, the differences and realisations happen. Differences of the goals and aspirations turn out to be inevitably the cause of friction in the marriage. It is at this stage that the two in a relation find their decisions of marrying each other a mistake.
- Due to pre marriage affair, the love is sometimes lost too soon after marriage. As a result of which the spark fades away thus dimming the brightness of the love marriage. It requires immense efforts and patience to rekindle the lost spark and patience is something we all are devoid of in the contemporary era.
- Frequent arguments among the couple sometimes puts a huge question mark for each one’s self respect. It is usually at this stage when one amongst the couple or both realise that their marriage has been a result of temporary attraction.
Why Arrange Marriage?
- Family support is pivotal in every marriage. And when it’s an arrange marriage, family ineluctably stands together. Its not only the compatibility of the two individuals that is taken into consideration but also the compatibility of cultures, faiths, beliefs, societal status, presentability, her/his in-laws etc.
- Since an arranged marriage is with not only the consent of man and the woman but also with the consent of their respective families, thus any future disputes are dealt with together by the families.
- Financial security for the lady stepping into a new family is primary concern for any of the parents. Where in a love marriage parents might not always have a say, in arrange marriage, parents imperatively ensure that their would be son in law is well settled and capable of bringing up a family with a steady flow of income
- Arrange marriages usually come with the girl marrying into an extended and close knit family. So the benefits of being with so many members is evident in situations which cannot be tackled without support or help.
Why Not Arranged Marriage?
Well, like love marriages, arranged ones too come with their own set of disadvantages:
- It is more or less obvious that arranged marriage means entering into a union decided and chosen by your elders with their perspectives of a good life for both man and the woman in relation. But this tend to snatch away one’s ability of decision making since that part has been and is taken care of by the elders.
- Arranged marriage is decided not by heart or out of love, rather it is a union materialised by mind. Thus love, which is an essential ingredient of any marriage, becomes the second priority. Since arrange marriages are subjected to the perspectives of social and economic viability, so the romantic part of the relation being formed becomes secondary. This can be gradually ruinous for any relationship in the future.
- Another fact is that arrange marriage generally means stepping forth into a family with large number of members. This calls for more compromises and adjustments, a too much of wich results in arguments and thus the unhappy family. Eg: there are some arguments which involve just the spouses, but inevitably the other members get involved to sort out the matter. This cannot be always a help and can truly aggravate the stress factor between the husband and wife.
How To Adjust in an Arrange Marriage?
Every marriage whether love or arrange has its own share of required adjustments and compromises. But, since unlike love marriages, the understanding and the process of knowing each other starts developing post marriage. During that delicate phase, the burden of too much of adaptation and adjustments becomes a task to tackle. But this can be done in fruitful manner by following ways:
- The pre marital jitters are one of the most common issues faced by the two people who have decided to step into an arranged marriage. The thought of a decision to spend the whole life with someone unknown can lead to an anxious self. The fear of self ability to adapt with the future living can be very scary for most of us. A frequent interaction with your partner to be is the key solution to this issue.
- In an arrange marriage, the responsibilities are more and so are the expectations. It is vital that you do not stress yourself too much for the same. A peaceful understanding is important. Here, patience plays a pivotal role. It is necessary that the minor arguments are taken not too seriously or t heart. This can hamper the peace between you and your spouse. It is important to understand here that both individuals in an arranged marriage are equally confused and are putting equal efforts to make it work.
- Fill your relation with the much required essence of love. It is important to develop an emotional closeness to ensure a good understanding between both of you. It can be expressed through gifts, words verbal or written or whatever way you can spice up your personal relation.
Nowhere does it say that Love marriage is good or an arranged one is better. It is truly most of the time the efforts that the two people put into the marriage that matters the most and is the root of a good relation. So whether you are stepping into a marriage out of love or the one arranged by your elders and well wishers, ultimately it’s you and your partner who would be the maker or the destroyer of the relation.