“I have known many happy marriages, but never a compatible one. The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. For a man and a woman, as such, are incompatible.”
― G.K. Chesterton
Marriage, whether love or arranged, is a path full of mixed situations, arguments and dissents. Not always smooth and velvety, this road to togetherness is ruled by one big factor, compatibility. Many issues regarding marriage and committed relationships have been discussed before in our write ups. It’s time to see how compatibility works in a marriage and whether or not it has some say in betterment of any romantic relationship or marriage.
What Is Compatibility?
When two people decide to come together in a union of commitment, an array of factors judge their being in the relation. Compatibility is one of these. Being compatible means an ability of the two people cohabiting in a marital bond or relationship with least conflicts or disagreements. The lack of understanding and increased disagreements often are suggestive of a couple being incompatible together. Three essential compatibilities for a couple are
The Most Critical Areas To Evaluate Regarding Compatibility
If you are planning to commit into a serious relationship or marriage then it is wise to check how compatible you both are together. Even though the couples themselves rarely think of the compatibility especially when the marriage is out of love, but the compatibility factors are taken into account by the families, especially when it is an arranged marriage. Let us learn the evaluation worthy areas when it’s about the compatibility between two people stepping into a committed relationship:
Spiritual Interests- You might be an aesthetic while your partner might not be or it could be the other way round too. In some cases your family and you might be of certain religious faith while his/her family of some other! What is necessary for consideration here is how far you both are going to be supportive of each other’s spiritual faiths. Will there be impositions from your side or from his/her side regarding changing faiths or adopting the new one’s? This might sound a petty issue but when it’s about religion and spirituality, what faith means to you, it means as much to him/her or probably nothing to him/her. In the later scenario what is worth considering is will he/she let you practice your spiritual interests after marriage or would these interests be mocked at by him/her since he/she doesn’t have it?
Values and Interests- You two are two different people and it is obvious that you share some different interests too. Even if you two feel that you are quite like each other, there still remain some ignored areas of diverse interests. It is undoubtedly more fun to marry someone with some different regards, varied engrossment so as to make your future relationship less monotonous. But acceptation of those convictions and preferences should be discussed beforehand. Eg: Where you might be a solitude lover, he/she might be a social animal; you might be a spendthrift or shopaholic while he/she might be a budget freak! What you need to ask yourself is, “Will I be able to go on forever with these differences or is it just a momentary excitement which might turn irritating in the long run?”
Children- Now this one is actually a very crucial part. Are you two willing to have children in future? Or is it only you while he/she has the preference for a less complicated or less responsible life? This might not be that difficult since it’s either a yes or a no for future family extension. But what are your views when it’s about the discipline of your children? It might sound too early to be speaking about how you would be handling your children, but it still bears its vitality. Amongst the mother and the father, one of the parent might find punishing the children as a good way of disciplining them whenever they do something wrong, but this might not be acceptable by another parent. The other parent on the contrary might find a verbal lecture or a politer manner to teach his/her kids the right and the wrongs. Where do you two stand in this respect? Similar or entirely dissimilar attitudes?
Financial Responsibilities- The financial obligations play an important role in any committed relationship. Different features of this are:
Is your partner financially well off and settled so as to be able to take the responsibility of a family with you?
If you wish to pursue your career post marriage as well as be of some financial assistance to both of you, would he/she be accepting that?
A bitter truth of some marriages is the wife not being provided with enough finances or being ruled financially. This aspect is existent in best of the financially good families. Consider your options for clarifying things before! Money is not always a matter of shopping for women as is usually perceived by the other sex. So ladies, this point is worth contemplation for you. Financial considerations are not ‘cheap’, they are necessary!
Roles and responsibilities- Gone are the days when certain jobs were specific to men or women respectively. Would you two prefer to go by the trend of the grandma days or rather opt for sharing and dividing the responsibilities. Eg: Doing an outside job like car repairs or grocers’ isn’t essentially a man’s job! Similarly, cooking or doing laundry doesn’t come with a tag of ‘women only’ written on it!
Third Party Role- Like every healthy romantic relationship or marriage, yours too would be full of minor or at times major arguments or disagreements. Do you think you two are capable of resolving your conflicts together within the walls or would you consider involving some third person in resolving your problems? Where you might prefer the former, your partner might be of a latter view. In such a situation you must reconsider getting into the marital bliss. In such cases, one of the partners tend to reveal the personal issues to a third person for emotional support rather than opting to look into the resolution within the relation. This is most likely to cause confrontations, dislikes, disagreements and thus serious arguments!
Individual Aspects- Every person as a different individuality, different character and nature and varied behaviour as well. These are well understood and acceptable facts. But what is worth contemplation here is how far would you be able to bear some really weird habits of your partner such as, he/she doesn’t give importance to hygiene and cleanliness as you do, he/she constantly bites nails which you find extremely filthy but he/she doesn’t seem to bother to change etc.
How To Ensure A Happy Marriage?
Every marriage no matter how compatible suffer its share of marital issues or discords and every couple wish for their marriage to be the uniquely happiest one. Well, following are some important ways to make sure that your marriage undergoes less arguments and is a smooth affair–
You both are spouses, but what you need to keep alive between you two is the essence of friendship. The closeness initiated by friendship also helps in resolving the minor or even major marital conflicts since the two people in the relationship feel free to openly discuss their person viewpoint with each other.
Emotional intimacy is as important as physical. Understand each other’s joys and sorrows and be a constant shoulder in the times of grief.
Sexual satisfaction is equally mandatory in any romantic commitment. Surprise each other just like your courtship days or initial days of marriage. Never let your fondness for each other fade away with time.
Learn to share the responsibilities instead of letting him/her get tired of his/her excessive duties.
Admire and appreciate each other for what you both are instead of imposing some changes on him/her. Be encouraging when it’s about his/her goals and aims. Never make each other a subject of mockery.
The discussion today has seen much of the compatibility areas ignorance of which is bound to affect a marriage. No wonder post marriage things can be resolved wisely. The write up in no ways discourages you from marrying the person of your interest or liking, all it guides you is towards the facts that we tend to neglect knowingly or unknowingly! So isn’t it wise to consider some factors beforehand instead of shedding tears of repentance later?
“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.”
― Leo Tolstoy