Last time we talked about 10 ways to spice up your love life. It was much about fun and rejuvenating a dull love life. But today we take a deeper issue concerned over building loving relationships. Yes! Relationships have to be built. It’s not at all some magic trick that will land you in a perfect relation. It requires consistent efforts and dedication from both partners who wish to be together. You may wonder, “How some couples are in perfect heavenly bliss?” Well, the answer is that they work towards it. As per experts, relationships are cardinally investments. You have to give before you take. It’s no top secret and all of us are aware of it. Then why couples break up? The answer is that we forget the basics. We fail to understand ourselves. Once you come to terms with this reality, a healthy relationship will not be a dream anymore.
Love, romance, responsibilities and bliss are interrelated. While everyone’s relationship is unique, these basics are common to all. There are some basics that you need to follow to work towards fulfilling relations. It’s all about staying involved with each other. Today we take a heads up with some really useful, honest and pragmatic things you should do to build loving relationships.
Communication – Say and listen!
Over and over again, I assert the importance of communications is all relations. So, do the thousands of other relationship experts. Then why couples fall apart due on grounds of incompatibility? Are they really incompatible? Or were they ineffective in speaking their minds. We talk. But do we say enough?
Honest, direct and open communication is the key to blooming relations. Talk about your fears, likes, dislikes, anxieties and feelings to your partner. Equally important is to listen. I strongly recommend listening as crucial to a love bond. You cannot love and care unless you listen. None of us are angels who know what’s going inside your partner’s head. So, instead of leaving your love life to guessing, be upfront and talk about your feelings. If your partner is not very expressive, then ask for confirmations. You could say something like, “Is it okay with you?”, “you like this?”, “tell me what you like”. These are basic communication rules we often forget in our love life. Rethink about it and overhaul the way you have been communicating all this while.
Physical attraction brings you together. But couples complain of fading romance with passing time. This phenomenon is very normal but you may spot couples who are still in the honeymoon phase after being together for years. It’s some magic? No! They make consistent efforts and work towards building a romantically blissful relation. Creating strong and intimate relationships is all about mutual love. Find time for each other and extend gestures. No matter how long you have been dating or how long you’ve been in the wedlock; keep the candle of romance burning. Sending text messages, flowers, perfumes and small gestures can actually help you a lot. After the fairy tale phase of any relationship ends, normalcy takes over. The real fun is to find love and recreate the romance within this ordinary life. Share your concerns, hold hands, talk to each other, cook together, do chores together and make it fun. The cardinal idea is to enjoy being with each other no matter what the backdrop is.
Care and Affection – the essential ingredient!
Love and care is the bedrock of all relations. Any love less association cannot be called a relationship. Saying’ “I love you” could just be the beginning. It’s a lot deeper and meaningful feeling. There is nothing like loving someone and feeling loved. It surpasses all material and professional success. People change jobs, leave professions, go against parents, leave countries and do unprecedented things to attain true love in life. I say, the real love is affection and care. If you care for each other, you can stay in love. Caring does not mean over interference or clinging. It’s about knowing feelings, extending a helping hand be there forever. Connect at an emotional level. Do little things that show your concern and see how it changes your love life.
Sex it up
Sex is a fundamental part of human existence. You are with someone for emotional and physical needs. Sex is all about expressing your love in a physical way. Indulge in foreplay, try new things and be open to a sexually blissful life. Do not hesitate to express your sexual desires to your partner. Like everything else, even sex becomes common place in relations. So, make it more exciting by inserting newer stuff. We do not intend to elaborate on what’s new and exciting. It’s to the discretion of our readers to define what excites them and what’s new to their life. So, let your imagine loose and innovative ideas rule your sex life. Remember, great relations have great sex in them.
Expectations – Why you need to overcome them
Do not indulge in expectations! I know that’s a sweeping statement but its true. Expectations when unfulfilled bring disappointment. Rather focus on fulfilling your partner’s expectations. There is no harm in expressing yourself and your desires; but do not base your happiness on whether it’s fulfilled. You may say, “You should come home early from work because I like to spend time with you”, but let your partner decide what he/she wants to do. Your spouse may be busy and not in a position to fulfill your demand. Understand this and get over your own expectations. Constant expectations from partner may be disappointing. You need to understand that your beloved is only human with imperfections. You need to accept the very fact and move on.
Arguments and fights are an inevitable part of every relationship. It could be over finances, kids, future or laundry. Conflict is unavoidable yet manageable. But have you ever wondered that fights with your partner seem like déjà vu? You come to a deadlock over same issues again and again. The real issue is your value system. You two have been brought up in different cultures and are two different people. The problem lies in when you start imposing your views onto the other. Negative emotions crop up and take over your life when you fail to address this root issue in your life. You think there are any perfect couples who never argue, abuse and say hateful words? Probably such people stay in books and not in the real world. Deconstruct your fights and talk over the issue later when you both are cooled down. Say, “I meant this and not that”. Follow the golden rule of not bringing other issues in one fight. For instance, if you are fighting over who spends how much, do not bring the argument, “you’re also careless and forget my birthday”. Keep it straight and untangled. So, the sooner you get comfortable to this reality, the better you’re in a position to manage conflict. Wait! Handling conflict does not mean altering your spouse. It means mature management of your own thoughts. It’s hard, I know. But once you learn the art you will be happier.
Intimacy – being together!
Intimacy? Why do we talk about it separately? Yes, intimacy is different from sex. True intimacy is the need to belong to each other. It’s the desire to be together. It’s surreal bliss. Men and women come together at a physical level. The sexual desire and attraction is very fast and effortless. Couples should try to connect emotionally as well. That’s the real challenge. Actually, intimacy is a subjective term. It could be anything from a gentle caress to a night long talk. It’s all about knowing each other and staying close. Opening up your heart and extending affectionate gestures is a tested way to gain intimacy with your partner. Talk about how you feel and make a habit of expressing your feeling. Things like “I like to be with you”, “I enjoy lying down and just talking to you” or “Let’s just sit and hold hands” can be very effective in bringing you together. Experts define intimacy as a soul-to-soul connection. Well! That’s pretty awesome. Try and experience the magic yourself.
Certain things like caring and loving are commonplace in the beginning of every relationship. But some couples successfully realize the important of affection throughout their lives. The novelty and intention to impress goes away after few years and we all settle for ordinary lives. Or should we say we are back to our old ways. The thing is that sweet nothings and small things can actually make big differences. Understand the fact that loving and impressing your partner should be an ongoing process. Develop and cultivate compassion. Once you start empathizing with your partner, you would start understanding better. Loving relationships can be a reality if you know the right rules.
15 Blunders To Avoid In A Relationship
Mary and Joe make a happy couple. Mary knows exactly what makes Joe happy. She will complement him, care for him and indulge in blissful romance. But Joe gets mad at Mary when she starts inquiring about his phone calls and text messages. She wants to know everything about his female colleagues. She even checks his mails. Joe hates it and Mary can’t resist it. There are many couples like them. Your love life is a sum total of good and bad. Ideally, the good should outweigh the bad. Start cutting down on the negative things and you will learn that happiness is so easy to attain.
Folks, here’s a sneak peek into the common mistakes of relations. Things you should never do.
- Over secretive
Privacy and secrecy have a fine line of distinction. The partners who try to hide things and manipulate information are not liked by the other. Being over secretive about your finances, work, personal issues or anything else is not a healthy thing for both of you. You are probably putting your spouse in a mistrust zone wherein he/she starts doubting your intentions. Relationships are ideally made for sharing and you better don’t reverse this basic.
- Spying and mistrust
Relationships are built on trust and faithfulness. If you cannot trust your partner you cannot have a lasting relation. Reading texts, checking e-mails and spying can be suffocating for your spouse. Learn to trust and feel secure about the faithfulness of your beloved. Remember you cannot control someone by spying.
- Romantic involvements outside the relationship
Call it infidelity, cheating or flirting; this remains the most traumatic aspect for any love life. Learning the fact that your love has some involvements outside the relationship can be most devastating. People who indulge in one night stands, flirting, hook ups and involvements should remember that price that may have to pay later. Respect your mutual faith and live up to it for a lasting love life.
- Finding faults in your partner
Is it a mystery that nobody is perfect? Yet people fight over petty habits. Let me reiterate. Your partner is not perfect and you too are not flawless. So, the sooner you get comfortable to this reality the better will be your relationship. Accept your spouse’s infirmities and loopholes and move on with it. Finding faults is not just exhausting for you but also irritating for your partner. Love the person you want to live with and know the reality that you have faults too.
- Comparing your partner with others
The worst thing you can do to your partner is to compare him/her to someone else. The worst comparison is your ex. Things like ‘her husband is so caring’, ‘his wife can cook so well’, and ‘why don’t you dress like her’ are very hurting. You guys dated and liked each other, so where is the need for comparison now? Stop this futile habit of demeaning your own beloved. Accept your spouse and manage your expectations.
- Parents and Family Issues
Bringing in parents and extended family into your love life is the recipe for creating mess. Things like, ‘my mom cooks better than you’, ‘my dad knows how to manage finances more than you’, ‘why didn’t you bring a similar gift for my family’ so on and so forth. There are thousands of couples in this world who fight over family issues. In reality, the do not have any personal issues but are creating a mess of their own life. If your in-laws virtually stay inside your bedroom, Lord saves you!
- Complaining and Nagging
‘Why you did this’ and ‘why didn’t you do that’ are two impeccably devastating sentences of any relationship. There are couples who part ways on grounds of constant complaining and nagging. When you start finding faults with your partner, nothing can go right in your life. It could be anything between putting down the toilet seat to punctuality. Initially, complaining may be ignored but when it becomes a continuous phenomenon, bitterness comes in your love life which takes over everything else.
There is nothing more troublesome than a threat. It’s so sad to see that people come together in love and start to threaten and black mail each other. Threats like suicide, divorce and financial control are nasty tools used by some people. If you want something be honest and ask for it. Do not use the petty tools and create a difficult life.
- Public display of anger
Fighting and shouting in front of others is one of the top most habits of unhappy couples. Nothing is more insulting than creating a mess in public. If you have issues, sort it out in personal. Do not drag friends, family or outsiders into your private life. Things become worse if you make parties and get together as your marital battle ground.
- Lying and Faking
Anything between fake orgasms to untrue facts could be devastating for any relationship. Honesty is the bedrock of love. You would never want your partner to be fake or artificial in feelings, emotions and gestures. The same implies for you as well. Never try to become someone or fake in front of your spouse. Be yourself and stay dignified in whatever you are.
- Holding grudges
Ruminating over negative feelings and holding grudges is a big no-no. Ask any expert or read any relationship manual, this rule stays intact. Love life is quite a long journey with many pitfalls. Adding grudges will only make it rockier. Learn to forgive and let go. The more you forgive the more you are at peace. Occupying your head with bitter feelings will never make way for positive air. You need to breathe in positivity and get rid of pessimism for a healthy relationship.
- Digging Past
It’s a rare thing that your first crush becomes your last love. Talking of ground realities, let’s accept the fact that all of us have past link ups and relationships. Digging the past of your partner and self is completely disastrous. There’s certainly no need for you to elaborate gory details of your ex, nor should you expect your spouse to be completely honest about his/her past. Just be comfortable that you two have dated someone sometime and it’s over now.
- Withholding sex
Sex is a sensitive issue in marriage. Never take it for granted. There is a typical habit in women of withholding sex when you are having a tough time. Stop and rethink. This is certainly not a great idea. Rejecting your partner’s sexual initiations and trying to be stubborn will add bitterness. Sex is a great way to resolve conflict, make up and relieve stress. Enjoy your sex life to the fullest if you want to be in a truly blissful relationship.
- Hateful words
Words hurt more than a sword. This old adage is so true even today. Modern couples have kind of gone too far in testing the limits of civil language. We often say mean, abusive, hurting and hateful words to our partners. It could be in the spur of the moment but it leaves a mark in the mind of the other. Never ever in your life damage the self respect of your partner. If you are angry keep quiet and discuss the problem when you will calm down. Remember you will not regret your silence but may have to bear the repercussions of wrong words.
- Too much interference
This one is a really tricky thing to discern. What is ‘too much?’ Let’s elaborate. Anything that feels over intruding, over indulging or breach of privacy is too much interference. For some people it’s perfectly okay to check your partner’s e-mails and discuss individual finances. For the others it sounds uncomfortable. Talk to each other about your individual concerns over privacy. Sorting out stuff like ‘my friend’s time’, ‘my money’, ‘my work’ and so on will save you from a lot of horror. If you do not like some extra involvement from your partner, say it straight. Give space to each other and create a mutually comfortable zone.
This was a quite a comprehensive guide to things you are not supposed to do. All of us are individuals with different emotional patterns. So, some of the things may be true for you while others may sound alien. Ponder over your core issues and make things simple for your own sake. Love life has to be bliss and by following these simple rules it can become truly surreal.
5 Bonus Tips Towards A Great Future Together As a Couple
My previous article was about 7 ways to manage a miserable relationship. But today I take up a more fun and exciting topic – 10 ways to spice up your love life. Yes! You may be dating, living in or married. But once monotony enters your life, it becomes dull and predictable. You definitely are more concerned about diapers than diamonds. You need to jump start and put your love life on the forefront.
The initial chase phase of any relationship is beautiful. It is full of all kinds of romantic emotions that give you weird but lovely spine chills. But once you settle down comfortably with your partner agree or not you start taking the entire relationship for granted. You the other person is right there for you, forever. The routine of a daily life can take a toll on your relationship and you need to rekindle your love life in order to keep it up and lively. Spicing up your life could sound too much but these are some really handy and easy tips. Once you start doing them you would just laugh at yourself and wonder why you didn’t think about it earlier. It’s all about falling in love with the same person and start dating once again. Surprised? Read on for some awesome yet practical 10 ways to spice up your love life.
Taking a getaway trip to some exotic romantic destination can be a huge change. You will have each other’s undivided attention. A shift from the daily routine can bring relaxation and recharge both of you for a better companionship. Do not hesitate if you have kids. Take them along but make sure you have quality time for each other. Be romantic and do things that add zing to your love life. Try something like a spa or massage. How about going to the disc or go for some water sports. Think. It’s all around you. You just have to find fun ways to add spice to your life. As much as you need to spend quality time together for a healthy relationship, you also need to spare each other of the constant ‘togetherness’. Letting your man have his own boy time and taking your own girly hours can bring you both recharged. This way you can happily give more to your relationship. So, strike a balance between intimacy and space!
Ask for Help
As couples, we talk a lot but speak very little. If you have started to feel that your partner does not understand your needs and expectations then please take a pause to realize that both of you have grown into different personalities over time and the best thing to do is to share your feelings and expectations explicitly. Do not expect your partner to be a mind reader all the time.
Tell your needs directly. Something like “We need to go for a holiday”, “we should go for a date” or “Let’s have some fun” is perfectly okay. Your partner is likely to respond to such demands more positively. Talk about your emotions more than the grocery bills!
Try Different Things
Being predictable all the time can be boring. Learn to enjoy each other’s company and do crazy things once in a while. There is no bond better than being partners in crime. Have morning sex and get late for work. The adrenalin rush is simply too exciting. Be flexible and stop micro managing things. Loosen up a bit and do things you feel like. Do not be like ‘it’s weekday, so you can’t drink’. Call her for lunch during workdays, send crazy messages and plan fun stuff. Just enjoy the moment in the best way you can. You always do the routine but once in a while taking that one step can lead to a beautiful relationship.
Your daily chores can make you feel robotic. Many counselors and researches have said that a marriage in which the man helps the woman equally is happy marriage. It will also make you understand mutual responsibilities and what effort your partner is making. Create a space for mutual care and concern. Maybe you are not supposed to do the dishes but if you do once a while before she comes to home it will be priceless to see happiness. Shouldering responsibilities and doing chores together can be so much fun. Who knows you may start with doing laundry and end somewhere else! You know what I mean!
Spend Quality Time
The art of love life is time. Take out time from your busy schedules. It’s the irony of modern living that we get married to someone and then forget about our commitment. Work, finances, kids, parents and friends sometimes become more important. “I am with so and so, can you call back later?” is a common utterance. Think of your courtship phase when you would go out of your way to be with your beloved. You may be busy but do not ignore your love life. Talk, hold hands, have coffee or just watch a movie. Steal moments from everyday life and make them all yours.
As life moves on, many couples have a tough time to continue with the bliss. Any relationship requires consistent efforts and investment. Happy nuptial life brings contentment in all other spheres too. It’s crucial that you nurture the gift of love and kindle the fire between both of you. Sounds too difficult? Actually it’s not! Above article is a handy guide to regain your honeymoon and courtship happiness. Everything mentioned here is enjoyable, fun and does not require any out of the way efforts. So try them and spice up your love life!