You did your soul searching, tried the ‘time apart’ thing, dated some other lackluster men/women….and have finally come to the realization that things ain’t gonna get any better than this. You made a huge mistake when you let her/him go. And now, you want him/her back.
It’s not necessarily too late to rekindle with your ex, but don’t be too rash and make mediocre moves. You want to do this right…and with caution. So again relationship expert is at your rescue!
So here are 5 steps you should try for Round Two.
Step 1: DON’T FOLLOW YOUR WISHFUL THINKING
Yes, you heard me right. Your instincts will tell you to call him/her right after the breakup, they will tell you to message him/her because apparently a nail cracking will also be a very big deal and it is important for your ex to know about it. Your Instincts will make you believe that he/she will call you and they will finally realize how miserable your life is without you. YOU NEED TO SHUT THOSE INSTINCTS OUT. These are probably the last things you need to do to get your love back.
Step 2: NO CONTACT
If you’ve been searching about breakups and getting your ex back online, you would have known that there is a thing called no contact rule. Its simple and very effective. All you have to do is stop all the communication with your ex for a short period of time. This Includes-
No “accidentally” bumping into them (you know what that means)
No online chatting/facebook messaging
No hanging out with common friends with the hope to meet him/her.
Why is there a need to do this?
your ex needs some time to cope up with the breakup and to remove all the negative associations from the breakup and start missing you. People feel that if you don’t contact your ex, they will forget you, but in reality you will give them more time to miss you and make them wonder all the time why are you not contacting them. By contracting them, you will portray yourself as a needy one. That is not what we want right now.
You yourself need some space and time to get a hold on yourself. You need to gain some perspective. The truth is, you are a total mess after the breakup. You need to calm down and analyze you relationship thoroughly to realize whether or not being with your ex again is within your interest or not.You need to learn to enjoy your life without your ex. You will event eventually realize that YOU DON’T NEED YOUR EX to be happy; may be you still want them, but there is a big difference between needing someone and wanting someone.
you must become an attractive happy person during this time. You need to take a step back and reconsider your life. You want your ex to be attracted to you and the best way to do it is to start enjoying your life. You should make a lot of positive changes in your life. Don’t take this point lightly. This could be the difference between getting you ex back or losing them forever!
However if your ex is currently calling you every day or texting you, then you should let them know that you need some time alone. Don’t give them any specifics.
What if my ex moves on during the no contact? What if my ex meets someone and gets married during no contact? What if my ex forgets about me during a no contact?
Good questions. But the answer is NO!!
Now you need to take a leap of faith here. If you and your ex were in any kind of serious relationship, then they will not be able to move on so quickly. Constantly texting and calling them like a creep will probably lead to a restraining order against you.
Step 3 – DON’T BEG.
Puppy face, constant begging, using pity has your hold, emotional blackmailing is not going to work here, so don’t even think about it. You don’t want to cling on them. You have to be independent and believe that you can live your life alone. Do you think they want to break up because they want you to beg them to take them back? Nobody wants a needy person, and even if you begging worked, its going to lead to a relationship where you will end up being a doormat. Accepting everything and throwing your self-worth away in a trashcan, you agree with everything your ex wants without even considering your happiness.
Step 4- CHECK LIST.
Being friends with your ex shows you two are mature enough to get over the fact that you weren’t meant to be together.
Before you contact your ex, here is a checklist of things you need to make sure you’ve done.
- You followed the no contact rule for atleast a month.
- You are no longer a mess as you were right after the break up.
- You have gone on at least one date during this no contact period.
- You have made some positive changes in your life.
- You are absolutely sure that getting back with your ex is a good decision.
- You have accepted the break up and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you.
- You are absolutely fine if things don’t turn out to be in your side and there are plenty of opportunities out there, and really, its not the end of the world!
Step 5- RE-ATTRACTION.
Moments of kindness and reconciliation are worth having, even if the parting has to come sooner or later.
– Alicia Munroe
There are two ways you can contact your ex- 1.letter 2. Texting
A hand written letter is a great way to convey you feelings, right after you are done with the no contact rule. and of course a hand written letter means an e-mail. It should serve three purposes-
- To let your ex know that you have accepted the breakup and you are no longer that needy person
- To apologize for any of the inappropriate behavior after the breakup.
- To let them know of anything exciting happening in your life. Don’t give up the fun and spill the beans. Keep an element of surprise so that you can give them a chance to reply back to you.
The Text Message
Text messages are a great way of re-building the attraction with your ex. They are short and precise and you can be sure that they will read your message. It doesn’t matter where they are, your text will reach them and they will be excited to get a text from you.
Rules- Never send an empty message where you don’t give your ex a chance to text you back.
Never talk about your feelings of loneliness and getting back together.
Here is the example of what you might actually text –
“Hey, I was watching this random movie and it reminded me of you. It actually bought a smile on my faceJ)”
“Hey, I was just thinking about the time we went in Goa. It was amazing. I am glad we planned it.”
Something like this. It should be subtle. Positive. Fun.
Step 6- ASK HIM/HER OUT?
If there is to be reconciliation, first there must be truth.
– Timothy B. Tyson
DO NOT CALL IT A DATE. If you do, your ex will put up their defenses faster than anything in the world. You want them to go out with you as a friend and then you can woo them while you are with them.
If you have done your homework correctly, you will be oozing out confidence and attractiveness out of every inch of your body. And this works effectively on your ex because they already know you once, now they know the confident and attractive women/men within you.
You might as well end up being together, of course not on the first go, but eventually.