We have discussed long distance relationships before but as the scenario becomes increasingly commonin these times of technology and globalization, the equation and essence of long distance relationships itself has changed. People travel far and wide in quest of education, job or better life. They sometimes leave behind their loved ones in doing so. These relationships are then termed as long distance relationships. These relationships, as many believe, are doomed from the beginning, following the maxim, “Out of sight, out of mind” but there is something else that we have been hearing since always “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”. Here are some of the queries that people raise over long distance relationships and a guide to make a long distance relationship work.
Distance means so little when someone means so much.
People have many, many doubts when it comes to long distance relationships. They get anxious and conscious when they have to send a loved one away from them. They are apprehensive and they have a right to do so. Here are some of the frequently asked questions that people have related to long distance relationships:
- Are long distance relationships becoming more common by the day?
Yes, there has been a relative increase in the number of couples that are currently in long distance relationships as compared to 2000 or even 2005. Greater exposure, internet and a relatively lesser time required to travel are one of the main reasons that lead to an increase in such relationships. Virtual relationships, which are relationships between people who have met through the internet, are a great factor in increase in the number of long term relationships. People are becoming more confident of their relationships, since they have many more ways of communications, all thanks to facebook, Whatsapp and Skype, people do not have to wait for days to receive a letter or a postcard from their better half.
- Do such relationships work and are the couples satisfied?
People have a notion that long distance relationships have a higher breakup rates than general relationships where the spouses get to see each other every day, or live nearby. But, this is fortunately not the truth. Many studies have shown that the break up rates in a distance relationship and those among couples living geographically closer are not much different. Sol, there is a reason to be happy about, after all. And, coming to the satisfaction part, there is not much difference in that either. Okay, couples might not get to meet face to face each other, but in this age of technology, we cannot complain about the loss in face time. We have Skype, other video calling means, then regular chatting, calling up and texting are in no way worse than what regular couples have. There is always a way.
- How often should the spouses meet up?
A relationship depends on many factors. On the demographics, the personality type of each of the spouse and the type of relationship. The geographical distance also plays a big part. If the distance is very large, for example different countries, then frequent visits are naturally not very plausible. Psychologists suggest frequent visits to sustain the relationship, but regular communication works wonders too.
- What are the risks of being cheated on in a long distance relationship?
Distance never separates two hearts that really care, for our memories span the miles and in seconds we are there. But whenever I start feeling sad, because I miss you, I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss.
The biggest worry that couples have about being away from each other is if they or their spouse may give into temptation and cheat on them, or they themselves would cheat on their partners. Though people may not actually cheat on each other, any more than a general relationship but this doubt and this constant worrying may lead to discords and tension between the couples. This question is subjective and depends on the personality type of the individuals involved in the long distance relationships. Frequent visits and better communication and more time allocation every day for each other are the only solutions that are do-able.
If there are so many questions in the hearts of people, then why even get in to long distance relationships? But, relationships are mysterious and people cannot give up on their loved ones just because of small distance between them, here are some ways by which couples can make their long distance relationships work:
Distance is to love like wind is to fire… it extinguishes the small and kindles the great”
- Have a Fixed Goal in mind and work towards it:
This is the first and most important step in working towards a long distance relationship. You need to set the goals, you will talk every day, you will share your intimate details and you will not sleep without talking to each other at least once in the day, Even though you are not sharing the same time zone, you need to share the same ideas of how your relationship is going to be shaped from that point onward.
- Re-learn how to be intimate:
The couples in such relationships need to relearn how to communicate with each other. People overlook the need to tell each other insignificant details of their day when they are together, focusing on other things, but being away from each other, creates a need for people to be able to know what is going on in others life, to feel like a part of it. Find ways to share in the little day-to-day events. Emailing each other, chatting are a great ways to accomplish this. Using reminders are a great way to keep your partner nearer psychologically. Writing to each other frequently is one of the best proven methods to make a long distance relationship work, and this is not just what movies show, it has been scientifically proven by researchers.
- Do things together:
It doesn’t suffice to just talk on the phone with each other. Couples need a lot of other things as well, to do together, to stay together. We suggest couples to take up some activities that they would enjoy as a couple. Take up some online scrapbooking, or make a journal together. Syncing the online calendars can be a big step in this particular direction. Meeting frequently is an important aspect that has to be followed to achieve this. If you can’t meet as frequently as planned, then make as much use of the internet as possible. Our ancestors stuck in the long distance relationships didn’t have this privilege of talking to their lived one over skype, looking at their faces across thousands of miles. Play online games, with multi player modes, who knows you may get to know a side of your partner you never even knew existed.
- Get Creative:
When two hearts are meant for each other, no distance is too far, no time too long and no other love can break them apart
A little creativity never hurt anybody, and especially if you put your heart in to it, it will never go to waste. Make something creative for your partner and send it to them as a surprise. Write a long love letter, old school, and snail mail it to them. No one expects a regular mail in this day and age, except for those dreaded credit card bills, and it would be a pleasant surprise to receive such a beautiful love letter from the most important person in their life. Make something creative, a personal keychain, a photo album, a journal, a music CD, something to keep them reminded of your love and how precious they are to you.
- Avoid excess communication:
Hearing your voice is better than you touching me. Because even when I yearn for your skin to touch mine, it is your voice that touches my soul
Excess of anything is bad. Being sticky and over possessive will not help the situation, it will only make it worse. You two don’t really have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep your relationship going. Many couples thought that they need to compensate for the distance by doing more. This is not the case and it should not be done this way. And it might only make things worse. It is not about spamming; you are only going to exhaust yourselves. It’s really about teasing at the right moments and tugging at the right spots.
- Expect disappointment:
All relationships have their respective ups and downs, no relationship is as we envision it to be, and nothing is perfect. If you don’t get to meet on the date that you fixed, it is okay, you have to let go sometimes, nothing can be predicted. If you don’t get a call every day, even that is fine, people are busy and sometimes we have to forget such trivia. You just have to give your everything to make the relationship work.