We have discussed long distance relationships before but as the scenario becomes increasingly commonin these times of technology and globalization, the equation and essence of long distance relationships itself has changed. People travel far and wide in quest of education, job or better life. They sometimes leave behind their loved ones in doing so. These relationships are then termed as long distance relationships. These relationships, as many believe, are doomed from the beginning, following the maxim, “Out of sight, out of mind” but there is something else that we have been hearing since always “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”. Here are some of the queries that people raise over long distance relationships and a guide to make a long distance relationship work.
Distance means so little when someone means so much.
People have many, many doubts when it comes to long distance relationships. They get anxious and conscious when they have to send a loved one away from them. They are apprehensive and they have a right to do so. Here are some of the frequently asked questions that people have related to long distance relationships:
Are long distance relationships becoming more common by the day?
Yes, there has been a relative increase in the number of couples that are currently in long distance relationships as compared to 2000 or even 2005. Greater exposure, internet and a relatively lesser time required to travel are one of the main reasons that lead to an increase in such relationships. Virtual relationships, which are relationships between people who have met through the internet, are a great factor in increase in the number of long term relationships. People are becoming more confident of their relationships, since they have many more ways of communications, all thanks to facebook, Whatsapp and Skype, people do not have to wait for days to receive a letter or a postcard from their better half.
Do Long distance relationships work and are the couples satisfied?
People have a notion that long distance relationships have a higher breakup rates than general relationships where the spouses get to see each other every day, or live nearby. But, this is fortunately not the truth. Many studies have shown that the break up rates in a distance relationship and those among couples living geographically closer are not much different. Sol, there is a reason to be happy about, after all. And, coming to the satisfaction part, there is not much difference in that either. Okay, couples might not get to meet face to face each other, but in this age of technology, we cannot complain about the loss in face time. We have Skype, other video calling means, then regular chatting, calling up and texting are in no way worse than what regular couples have. There is always a way.
How often should the spouses meet up?
A relationship depends on many factors. On the demographics, the personality type of each of the spouse and the type of relationship. The geographical distance also plays a big part. If the distance is very large, for example different countries, then frequent visits are naturally not very plausible. Psychologists suggest frequent visits to sustain the relationship, but regular communication works wonders too.
If possible steal a couple of days from your busy schedules and plan mini vacations frequently. Instead of a month in Maldives you can enjoy good small trips every month around your respective locations. Vacations could be anything from trekking, shopping to enjoying great sex. Some couples just book a resort and spend quality time with each other. There is no one size fits all idea for mini vacations, find your best fit and work it together. Plan some long drives, camping or even going to the countryside. This is not just a getaway from your routine chores but mini honeymoons you will relish the rest of your life. And be wise, you need not blow out your budget, plan smartly so that you’re worry free and relaxed.
What are the risks of being cheated on in a long distance relationship?
This one should not come as a surprise. If not all then most couples face this issue. Jealousy and insecurity coupled together give you sleepless nights. Some partners even go to the extent of spying. Where is the beloved, whom is she/he meeting, is he/she two timing and millions similar questioned boggle your mind constantly. Even the significant half is not at peace. Incessant phone calls, cross checking and over possessiveness makes life weary. The whole ground rule is trust and loyalty. If you can’t be loyal to a distant partner, better break up. And if you can’t trust your lover, do not bother to be in the relationship. It’s as simple as that.
The biggest worry that couples have about being away from each other is if they or their spouse may give into temptation and cheat on them, or they themselves would cheat on their partners. Though people may not actually cheat on each other, any more than a general relationship but this doubt and this constant worrying may lead to discords and tension between the couples. This question is subjective and depends on the personality type of the individuals involved in the long distance relationships. Frequent visits and better communication and more time allocation every day for each other are the only solutions that are do-able.
5 Step Strategy To Make Long Distance Relationships Work Better
Have a Fixed Goal in mind and work towards it
This is the first and most important step in working towards a long distance relationship. You need to set the goals, you will talk every day, you will share your intimate details and you will not sleep without talking to each other at least once in the day, Even though you are not sharing the same time zone, you need to share the same ideas of how your relationship is going to be shaped from that point onward.
Love knows no rules but its better you have some rituals well in place. Do not go about random things that disturb both of you. Do not call anytime and disturb your partner in the middle of a class or meeting. Set aside time for your mutual talks and follow a routine. Something like ‘we will talk every evening, before sleeping and once in the afternoon’ could work just fine. There should also be mutually comfortable rules for disclosing information. Couples often fight over ‘why didn’t you tell me you were with X’, ‘why should you go out so late’ and ‘if I’m away do not mean you do anything’. Similar issues become devastating and tiresome for both. Have a set of rules on what you’re supposed to inform and what’s for granted. It should be mutually decided and no one should break the rules. Some people are just free birds who do not want to be accountable to anyone. If you are one then be sure you communicate your thoughts well in advance.
Re-learn new ways of love and intimacy
The couples in such relationships need to relearn how to communicate with each other. People overlook the need to tell each other insignificant details of their day when they are together, focusing on other things, but being away from each other, creates a need for people to be able to know what is going on in others life, to feel like a part of it. Find ways to share in the little day-to-day events. Emailing each other, chatting are a great ways to accomplish this. Using reminders are a great way to keep your partner nearer psychologically. Writing to each other frequently is one of the best proven methods to make a long distance relationship work, and this is not just what movies show, it has been scientifically proven by researchers.
Do things together
It doesn’t suffice to just talk on the phone with each other. Couples need a lot of other things as well, to do together, to stay together. We suggest couples to take up some activities that they would enjoy as a couple. Take up some online scrapbooking, or make a journal together. Syncing the online calendars can be a big step in this particular direction. Meeting frequently is an important aspect that has to be followed to achieve this. If you can’t meet as frequently as planned, then make as much use of the internet as possible. Our ancestors stuck in the long distance relationships didn’t have this privilege of talking to their lived one over skype, looking at their faces across thousands of miles. Play online games, with multi player modes, who knows you may get to know a side of your partner you never even knew existed.
Connect Better — Video Calls, Text and Email
Hearing your voice is better than you touching me. Because even when I yearn for your skin to touch mine, it is your voice that touches my soul
Video chatting, e-mails and instant messengers have blessed distant couples more than anyone else in the world. Of all the inventions of the world, these techno ones are your true savior. You can see, hear and chat with your beloved all the time. Phone sex or cam sex is the creative best of couples. We are not getting into the debate of whether you reach orgasm in such techno styles of love making, it’s all about your personal comfort zone and how you enjoy each other’s company. Every time you dress up to go out, you can click a picture or two to send to your lover. It obviously does not compensate for the togetherness but can help bridge the gap.
Excess of anything is bad. Being sticky and over possessive will not help the situation, it will only make it worse. You two don’t really have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep your relationship going. Many couples thought that they need to compensate for the distance by doing more. This is not the case and it should not be done this way. And it might only make things worse. It is not about spamming; you are only going to exhaust yourselves. It’s really about teasing at the right moments and tugging at the right spots.
Adapt and Accept
For couples who see the sun and the moon at the same time, challenges are few. But if you are living in a geographically challenged distance, other issues might crop up. An altogether different time zone can take a toll of your life. Imagine you’re in a cozy bed and your partner is leaving office and calls to talk. How on earth will you understand his/her state of mind? Even irritating is the situation when you wake up in the middle of the night to talk to an over energetic partner who is heading for work. Many similar things you will experience if you date someone placed at a far off distance. On the top of it, frequent visits may not be feasible. If you see your partner only once or twice a year, it becomes very challenging to sustain the relationship. But it works for many people and they come out at their romantic best to live through it.
All relationships have their respective ups and downs, no relationship is as we envision it to be, and nothing is perfect. If you don’t get to meet on the date that you fixed, it is okay, you have to let go sometimes, nothing can be predicted. If you don’t get a call every day, even that is fine, people are busy and sometimes we have to forget such trivia. You just have to give your everything to make the relationship work.