After the lot of talk that we have been doing about exes, we shouldn’t be leaving this one out. So, you are chatting on facebook with your ex? Now, this is utterly confusing a situation, isn’t it? It didn’t work out the first time you were in a long distance relationship and here you are, happily chatting away with your ex like that time never existed. However, once the thought crops up in your mind, it is often confusing what you are doing here and why on earth are you chatting with your ex. This is really crazy now, isn’t it! Your relationship expert is here to help as usual!
She affected me, even when she was absent.
―Shannon A. Thompson
So, practically speaking, you shouldn’t be talking to your ex, h/she is your ‘ex’ after all but who said love had anything to do with practicality. It is the most impractical thing one has ever heard, isn’t it? When has love been logical and realistic? Love is as emotional as it can get.
Hence, don’t you take a practical decision when it comes to love but at the same time; don’t be completely illogical about it either. Love is always tricky and it gets even trickier when long distance comes into picture. While it sounds amazing to say, distance makes the heart grow fonder, too much distance isn’t good for health either. It might just ruin the relationship for all you know. So, how do you handle staying in a long distance relationship with your ex? Here are a few tips to help you survive –
Let’s be clear
Don’t assume things and don’t let the other party assume things either. If there is confusion or if things are unclear, it would be nice to clear the air as soon as possible. You don’t want to find yourself in a relationship after you have fallen in love with another guy/girl.
Walk out if need be
Yes, it might be hard to walk out a second time but if that is the need of the day, do so. You will have to steel yourself like crazy when doing this. Otherwise, you may end up in this clumsy relationship for the rest of your life and that isn’t a space anyone ought to be looking for. If the casual yet flirty chatting isn’t making you happy, you have every right to walk out on the other person. Of course, you let them know about it.
As far as possible, keep it to friendship. After all, you didn’t axe them for nothing. Remember why you called it off with them every time you feel close and it will be easier to keep yourself in place. After all, the bottom line is that the person you are chatting to is your ex, which means you are no longer dating them, then why should you be blushing at their chats! Keep yourself in check about this as far as possible. Or else, you will have a crash landing sooner or later.
Now, while you may have cleared out of your just chatting phase, there is still bound to be a lot of confusion even if you have decided to continue as friends, as partners or you have walked out on him/her. Each case will have its own problems and of course, its own solutions. Here are a few tips that will help you through these phases.
If you have decided to stay friends, you should
- Stick to it
This is very important. Keep the conversation casual. Do not go back and forth between relationship statuses, do not flirt. First, talk about general things and then, slowly come around talking about whatever is going on in your life. It might take you a while to get to normal but once you settle in, things will smoothen out.
- No sex
Of course, when it is long distance, you can’t have sex anyway. Sex obviously means sending dirty pictures or cam sex but well, let’s face it, you don’t have sex with your friends unless you have some spoken or unspoken friends with benefits kind of arrangement. Hence, don’t give sex so casually, you will end up being taken for granted. Of course, if you want to do it and you are unstoppable, what can anyone do about it then?
- No accepting expensive gifts
It is a fact that the gifts that your boyfriend sends you and the gifts that you receive from your friends are far apart from each other. Hence, do not accept expensive gifts from your ex if you have lain down the just friends rule. If you cannot give it back immediately, tell them that you intend to give it back to them as and when possible.
- Do not visit each other
This is a definite. If you are visiting each other from 7 seas apart, then stop hanging on to the just friends tag. You don’t go so far for friends. It is important that you know where you stand as partners or as friends. Thus, as tempting as it may be, don’t go to visit your long distance ex. After all, who goes to visit their ex from a long distance relationship?
Now, that was about being friends but what if you decide to run a second innings of your relationship? Do you think you could survive that or you think you have made a mistake? Here are a few tips that will help you battle this one out –
If you have decided to stay in a relationship, you should
- Stick to it
Yes, the number one rule to all cases is the same. You absolutely have to stick to your decision. Given that it is a long distance relationship and there is no dearth of young people around you who may be interested in you, it might be hard to stay loyal but if you have decided upon something; do it with complete honesty and if you can’t, you really don’t deserve to be a part of the relationship.
- Not have casual sex with other people
Now, it is natural to be frustrated when you are far apart from your bf or gf but what can you do about it? You can indulge as much as technology allows but you can’t go further than that. Obviously, you want more and you have to wait until you can see your partner. Now, if you have committed yourself to a relationship, don’t give in to temptation. It is not going to take you anywhere and it might totally ruin your so very hopeful second innings with the man/woman you love.
- Flirt casually
A teeny bit of flirting with your partner or with others is extremely healthy. It not only keeps you happy but also makes you feel perky all the time. Thus, a little flirting here and there has never hurt anyone. Indulge as freely as you want into it.
Lastly and most importantly, if you have walked out on your ex, it will have its own complications as well. This is the most difficult scenario of the three and it will take the last bit of your strength to stick to it but you must. As in case of the other two, the first rule of this one is also to stick to it.
As break-ups go, you might feel like texting him or calling him time and again but well, you have to put your bravado facade up and avoid doing it all the time. Remember what Jesus said?
Do not give in to temptation and deliver us from evil.
Stay away from your ex bf/gf and stay happy, stay blessed!
Do everything you can to get away from him or her. Pick up new hobbies, take up a class, go on a holiday, go for a makeover, try out a change of scenario and sooner or later you might start to feel good. After all, long distance or not, no one can steal your life from you, it’s always your own to live and exploit to the fullest!