“I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.”
― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun
In all the ups and downs of every romanticrelationships, some relationships face the ugliest turmoil of infidelity. Cheating on your partner or spouse is the worst emotional hurt one can possible incur on his/her partner. This act isn’t always voluntary though and arise as a result of certain situations between the couple. In such cases, mostly the relationships end with breakup and shame, though in some cases, couple do try to overcome its disastrous consequences and come back together. Unlike our previous subjects of relationships mending and coming together of two people in love, this one is going to be all about the biggest devil of shattering relationships, infidelity.
What Leads To Infidelity?
Whether you are a man or a woman, a number of daily happenings or situations can lead to deception. Following scenarios are for your consideration-
- We might well be in the 21st century, but the fact that remains unchanged naturally is that man and woman cannot be just friends if despite, they are on a regular communication through chats or phone calls, they discuss everything about themselves with each other, they seek each other’s support when emotionally downtrodden. Such a situation sounds really acceptable and romantic if the two people of opposite sex are single, but if a man and a woman tend to develop such a relation with each other outside marriage, it turns out to be more than just friendship and eventually leads to illegitimatephysicalintimacy.
- Being curious is fair enough, but being curious to discover the joy in dating sites or dating men/women outside marriage is something more than just a discovery. You wouldn’t even know it and you would find yourself in the depths of adultery.
- Flirting sounds pleasurable and interesting and has the enjoyment of itself for many. But when simple flirting turns into friendship and then to see each other frequently or daily becomes a habit, it leads to a man/woman crossing the marital bounds for unacceptable carnal pleasures.
- It is natural to seek a shoulder to cry on when you feel emotionally weak out of the situations in your marriage. But when this becomes a usual practice, there are people out there who try to use your emotional situation to satisfy their needs.
- You might not have cheated as yet on your mate, but are you sure if the friend you are hanging out with is not cheating on his/her mate? He/she might be sexually frustrated or even looking out for a shoulder himself/herself! Also, how long do you think you are going to stay the ‘good loyal wife/husband/partner’ after staying associated with such friends? Worth thinking!
- If you are fond of drinking out with friends, beware of the drugs or drinks overindulgence, as this might lead to an involuntary and out of your sense intimacy with some companion of opposite sex.
- Sex and intimacy is something that needs to be discussed or enjoyed with the one you are committed to. A casual teasing or friendly talk with a friend of opposite sex which eventually turns into regular talks and an increased emotionalintimacy might at some point make you feel open and comfortable with him/her to talk about sex. Talks would gradually lead to you being physically intimate with him/her and you betraying your spouse.
- When you are aware of a friend of opposite sex staying alone in his/her apartment, avoid dropping in alone. This is an advice to save you from unknowingly or randomly stepping into some compromising situation with him/her.
Infidelity is most of the time unintended and spontaneous leaving you shocked. But human brain is meant for analysing everything beforehand and sex outside marriage is always accompanied with a self urge and if one says it happened in a reflex, it is called a sheer stupidity.
How To Know If Your Partner Is Cheating On You
In most of the marriages or committed relationships which end randomly with one of the spouse betraying the other, the entire truth of the deception comes into light only after months. If you fear being in one such situations, then look for the following signs which are indicative of the fact that your spouse or partner is perhaps cheating on you:
- He/she now is very particular about his/her physical appearance which involves a new hair style, renewed dressing sense and other such lifestyle variations.
- Some weird but promising signs include, your partner changing the eating habits like going from vegetarian – non-vegetarian and vice versa, increased self grooming activities like weight watch, impressive and varied perfume fragrances etc.
- He/she is never home on time these days and there is a sudden change in his/her work schedule, he/she has now started making frequent excuses for his/her absence from dates or gatherings etc.
- Watch out if he/she has been indulging too much in internet activities like chatting on computer or phone. In such cases you would find the history of the sites accessed or the call logs cleared every now and then from being discovered.
- He/she is barely interested in any physicalintimacy with you and doesn’t care about your sexual wishes and wants from him/her, it’s time to start noticing where he/she is going astray. In some cases you might find your partner getting overtly interested in making love to you or in praising you, which is probably cropping out of the guilt of being involved outside marriage.
These signs might not be always right but isn’t it always good to learn about the disastrous situations before they hit you hard?
“Someone told me the delightful story of the crusader who put a chastity belt on his wife and gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping, in case of his death. He had ridden only a few miles away when his friend, riding hard, caught up with him, saying ‘You gave me the wrong key!”
― Anaïs Nin
How To Overcome The Situation Of Infidelity In Your Marriage
Infidelity is the worst a romanticrelationship can suffer from. Most likely such situations end in breakup but in some cases when the two people in relationship are truly meaning to be together even after one’s betrayal which is followed by a tough emotional struggle on both part, especially the sufferer’s. Following are some ways of dealing with such a development and hence the life beyond deception:
- First and foremost, when you are the victim of betrayal from your better half, it is entirely up to you whether you would prefer going ahead in the same relationship by overcoming the past or you would rather like to move on by moving out of your current relationship.
- If you are the one who has betrayed him/her, there are three things you might want to contemplate-
- To accept that crossing the marital bounds was the worst thing to do
- To decide whether or not to tell him/her about your deeds
- To refrain from revealing anything to him/her and resolve to lead a clean and loyal life with him/her.
Be fair with your spouse in all terms. If you have been witnessing frequent hurtful acts from him/her, don’t go astray for comfort outside the marital bounds. Try to sort out the issues within your relationship as much as possible. Quitting is the solution only to extreme situations and not all situations are extreme!
“There are all kinds of ways for a relationship to be tested, even broken, some, irrevocably; it’s the endings we’re unprepared for.”
― Katherine Owen, Not To Us