“True love doesn’t being inseparable, it means being separated and nothing changes”
Is the relationship too suffocating?
Now, we accept that no matter how many relationship articles, advices you read, the truth of the matter is always debatable. Nick and Lindsay from ‘Freaks and Geeks’ fame gives you a perfect example of a miss-matched relationship. What feels like a heartfelt gesture for a person might seem creepy to someone else. Believe it or not, writing poems for a person might overwhelm a person who is not yet at the place whereas the one may already be in love. This might cause problems in a relationship that already at a rocky start.
If your partner is already suffering from emotional suffocation, that means when one’s idea of relationship is spending the time with you loved one every moment of your life, while the same idea may not be appealing to the partner who needs his/her own space. If this is a situation you have found in your relationship, you can tell by your partners’ behavior if your clinginess is damaging your relationship.
Is he/she becoming withdrawn?
You are bound to realize at some point that your partner doesn’t share with as often they used too. Don’t confuse it with being a normal effect after some time into a relationship. Being clingy and putting an effort in relationship are two distinct things. Therefore, you need to figure out, are you being clingy or is your partner not giving enough attention to the relationship that is needed.
You don’t have much fun as you once did
Now, by saying fun, we are not necessarily implying that you be going to concerts, movies and romantic dates all the time. Just spending good old time together doing just simple routine things can be enjoyable with your gf/bf. If your partner feels as if they are being smothered, they will cling to whichever way to get away from your “we” time. They will make deliberate attempts to keep you out of their plans or avoid texting you back.
You may be pushing them by pulling too hard
Speaking about spending quality time, it is important to note that ‘quality time’ is about, well, about quality and not quantity. If one insists on being with the other half 24/7, the sweetness of coming back to your partner after separation is ruined. The time spend for the two, to connect conversationally, physical and spiritually is already being damaged by you constantly texting and breathing down his, her neck.
You have become a GPS tracker
This is most visible point to notice that you have become too needy. Constant texts – where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? When are you leaving? ; Will drive even a tolerant person insane. Just sending a text or two is just fine, constantly hovering is a sign that – a) you don’t trust your partner or b) you are insecure. Many girlfriends/boyfriends tend to get into their other halves business even if they are not physically with them. Many of them do it in the fear of being ignored or being cheated on, but if you are constantly at their backs through social media, texting or calling – the neediness will get to them eventually.
So if all the signs point to the yes sign, then clearly you gotta problem. So, how do you stop being too clingy and find a way to being some fresh air in a relationship? If you feel that you are being sensitive and insecure in a relationship, here are a few ways you can discover yourself again through some simple steps.
Idle minds are devil’s workshop, which means if you are not busy you will keep thinking about what your partner is doing, whether he is meeting up with his ex, is he plotting the next the world war? All sorts of crazy ideas will form (depending on how imaginative you are). With a busy schedule of working towards your ambition and spending quality time with your friends and family, you will be crazy busy. Plus you may even find out how much you were ignoring them in the bid to ‘keep up’ in your relationship.
Being alone is not synonyms with being lonely
Speaking about connecting with your friends and family, you may realize that while you were miserable being concerned with little issues about your gf/bf, being with friends will take away all your worries. Even when you are alone, you will find engaged in activities instead of feeling lonely.
Remember that you are worth it
Although it is evident, people sometimes are too harsh on themselves and tend to get insecure when it comes to a relationship. This is a tip that both – the clinger and the one ‘cling-ed’ on to must understand, that most of the neediness comes from self-doubt. While this can be a problem for the other, if you genuinely love the other – appreciate them more often and remind them that they are lovable (or you wouldn’t have dated them in the first place). However, remember that they can’t be the only one making the effort; you need to get over these self-esteem issues and remember that you ‘are’ good enough.
Is your neediness affecting your self-esteem?
Ask yourself this question. Even if your partner doesn’t mind the neediness, it is important to ask this question to find if your dependent nature is not hurting your relationship but is it damaging you? Some might find that in comparison to before and after starting a relationship that they have changed so much, that it will affect their self-esteem and make them feel weak.
“I am sorry, I am not clingy and attached. I have this rare disorder called self-esteem and the side effects are not giving a damn”.
Such co-dependent relationships are never healthy, when one has all the dominance. Sometimes, you may find that you are not at the right emotional level to get engaged in a relationship. If you find yourself in such situation and need to rediscover yourself, walk away and move on.
9 Point Strategy Towards Building a Better Relationship
Take Time Off
Maybe, the 2 of you have spent too much time together. Take time off each other and go out all by yourself or with your friends minus your partner. After a long time, you are on your own and you might be flustered at first. However, once you have found comfort in yourself, you will start to enjoy your partner’s absence. After all, enjoying their absence is of as much importance as is enjoying their presence. If you can enjoy without them, it means that you are not a very clingy person.
It has been noticed in the clashes that occur that no one is ready to take admit the mistakes. Even if the person is wrong they never admit it. Such a thing gives rise to more clashes and more stress as the other person believes that he is being befooled. This leads to a feeling of being cheated and neglected as well as the other person is paying no heeds to the feelings of the person. If a person hurts other by his harsh words or actions then there is no harm in admitting the mistakes. A very small word called sorry has a great magnitude and means a lot when it comes to managing the relationships and avoiding stress. The person who apologizes feels so relaxed after admitting that he was at wrong. A whole load of weight seems to have been lifted off him in an instant.
One of the most important qualities to possess is of forgiveness. “TO Forgive is Divine” is a commonly known phrase written by Alexander Pope. This phrase is relevant in today’s context as well. Humans are fallible and they are prone to makes mistakes. However, there should always be the quality of forgiveness in the other person so as to give the other person chances for improvement. Forgiving someone shows the noble side of a person. There is no doubt that that person might have suffered because of the wrong done to him, but the act of forgiving is dignified and gracious which ensures that all the stress is eliminated within a flash. The bitterness in the relationship vanishes straightaway as the person forgives and forgets and is all set to make a new beginning.
Making Conscious Efforts to Build Relation
The relationship building is a very challenging task if one the people involved in the relationship have varied opinions. The relationship stress is bound to occur in such a situation. However, both the persons who are involved in the relationship should make concerned efforts to build their relationship. In this regard they should do the following things:
Learn to Listen and Take Feedback
The foremost thing in any relationship is to listen to what other person has to say. There should be no jumping to conclusions and negative assessments until one has listened to what the partner has to say. The partner should listen carefully to the person who is speaking in order to avoid any communication gap. This will eliminate stress as there will be no wrong interpretations in this.
Comforting the Partner
The next effort which can be done in building relationship is to comfort the partner. The partner should be made to realize that he/she is the most valuable and cherished person in the whole world. Even if there is any kind of negative image formation, etc. in the mind of the person he should be comforted by the other partner by ensuring him that everything is fine between them.
Show up and Provide Support
It is observed that the relationship don’t grow effectively and die out of the suffocation of stress because of the perceived lack of support for each other. The couple feels insecure while living with each other. They feel incapable of handling some situations, etc. All this causes stress to them as they start to garner wrong thoughts about the partner. In this situation if the partner is provided full support then there is very little scope of such insecurity to grow
Align With Truth and Learn To Balance
Sometimes a person just has a biased approach that comes with preconceived notions about the things. Such kind of biased attitude always causes obstacles in the smooth run of any relation is the major cause of any relationship stress. So, a person should realise that he is being biased and that it is the main cause of stress. After this has been understood there should be exemplary show of behaviour which is practical and unbiased.
Learn to Let Go
Most of the couple are seen trying to dominate the other. In the male dominated societies males are seen dominating the women instead of understanding or listening to them. This causes stress among the female partner as they believe that they are being remote-controlled by their partner. The situation and the scenario is fatal for the relationship overall. The male partner or the dominating partner has to understand that there is simply no benefit of being so imposing. Ultimately the relationship is run by mutual trust and faith. However, the dominating factor is the enemy of trust and faith both. The couple should give respect to each other’s ideas and should never ridicule others.
Separation is not a Solution
No two people enter into a relationship with the idea of separation. But, unfortunately, a good number of them part their ways at very early stages and some after years of togetherness. While talking of what are the right things to do make a lot of sense.
No One is perfect. Not even you.
Life is not a fairytale or a directed movie. So it will not always turn out the way you imagine. You need to accept life equally with both its ups and downs. Instead of expecting a perfect relationship it is more sensible to adjust yourself with every situation. There will be moments of joy and moments of struggle. But the challenge is to enjoy the joyous moments and again enjoying the struggle. If there would be no hardships you will never be able to judge the strength of your bond and also test the love of your partner. There is no wrong relationship but only fewer acceptances.
Myth – Your partner will always know what to say and do
Expressing your partner to be a mind reader and starting to play mind games can become a serious threat to a relationship. It is much better to be natural and put things on the table. Be vocal about your expectations. If you are not happy with something express it to your partner. This might also give him/her a chance to justify his/her actions. Communication can solve many major problems with ease. It is absolutely alright to be vulnerable in relationships but use your vulnerability in a positive way. Relationships are not magic but purely based on honesty of emotions between two people. No partner can guess what’s going in other person’s head. Simply say it and see the difference for yourself.
Myth – There are some universal rules for a happy relationship
We’ve been saying this a lot by now. There is no fixed recipe or no fixed steps to achieve happiness in relationship. And you won’t receive customized rule book for particularly your relationship either. You need to understand that every person is a different soul and your job is to understand your partner and how things work for him/her. If you have specialized with what your partner needs, how he/she feels about people, things and situations you are on your way to happiness. So, taking life one day at a time and working with your partner for mutual growth is really helpful.
Myth – Differences can destroy a relationship
No. differences cannot destroy a relationship however not respecting differences can. Just like you are an individual and have your opinion about issues and choices about good or bad your spouse will also have his/her taste. Assuming that just because your taste doesn’t match your relationship is at risk will be a foolishness. Mature people understand that love doesn’t mean wanting the same flavor of icecream or wanting to listen to the same song at the same time. Love is a much more intellectual feeling which expects you to be sensitive of your partner’s feeling. In most of the relationships once the initial honeymoon phase is over and you need to face life people freak out when they start noticing the starking differences. You don’t have to agree with everything your partner thinks or says but you need to respect it as it is coming from him/her.
Myth – Arguments steal away the Happiness.
Haven’t you argued with your parents and siblings? Fought with them over petty issues? Then why treat this relationship as different. Why a small heated argument can become a reason of war between two people. Moreover arguments with your partner need not be heated. Healthy arguments can prove to be really healthy for a relationship. They give you an opportunity to stir your thoughts and come out of a fixed thinking process. It is important to realize that no one will be more honest with you than your partner as he/she is the one who knows you the best. You don’t have to win or lose an argument or gain dominance over the other person. If the purpose of your argument is only to reason about issues it sure will be helpful for your relationship.
Myth – you have to do everything with your partner for a happy relationship.
So, when are you going to miss each other? It is absolutely not necessary to be with each other all the time or do everything with each other. It is normal to have different choices in the areas of work and entertainment and every person needs his/her comfortable space to enjoy that. As much as spending time together for common interests is important it is equally important to concentrate on personal growth. You should not be forced to do things you do not like. Spending time on personal interests is healthy for any relationship. You always return recharged and you can actually deliver more to your bond.