We all have heard about the infamous “overly attached girlfriend” memes and videos. It has made us laugh and shake our head at the outlandish things the jokes suggested Only when you realize how the jokes apply in real life do we find ourselves astonished. Here is, how you can detect if you are clingy and how to straighten out those behavior patterns.
Signs That Detect a Clingy Relationship
“True love doesn’t being inseparable, it means being separated and nothing changes”
We have spoken about long distance relationships amongst other things. Let your relationship expert tell you this at the start itself, that everyone’s definition of what clingy implies mean different things for different people. Some people like a clingy relationship with their other half, some require their own space. It is when the two individuals from different clans intersect, that everything goes crazy. And by crazy we do mean ‘real crazy’, if you have read those confessions of the‘overly attached girlfriend/boyfriend forum’ you will know and you will shudder, unless you are into it. Such forums give you an idea that clingy gf/bf make the worst exes.
Trying to manage a clingy relationship, or, trying leaving one!
Now as mentioned being ‘clingy’ is different for everyone, that means the level of clinginess that annoys a person (and makes them run for the hills) is relevant to the individual (and his/her level of tolerance). Sometimes, there are honestly genuine gf/bf that is just searching for some level of true appreciation from their other half, who in turn is an asshole and claims that the other one is being ‘needy’. That being said there are (unfortunately) type of people who are seriously obsessed with their love interest and will go at crazy levels to see if their lovers are being faithful ( cue the horror/thriller music).
Now such clingy relationships don’t start that way, or you could have never gotten in the relationship in the first place. Some people realize (by themselves, by people telling them that or worst yet by their partner) that they have started becoming too needy.
How do you determine if you are being a clingy boyfriend/girlfriend?
“There is nothing sexier than a needy, clingy man” said no one ever. And that is the truth my friends, whether it is a girlfriend or a boyfriend, too much neediness hurts a relationship more than anyone can imagine, well other than the person you are clinging on to cause they already know. Now to self-evaluate on the clinginess meter you need to ask yourself some questions and acknowledge the truth. Some may excuse as it being nurturing, but if the signs are pointing at it might as well been written in fireworks across the clear night sky. So to start with –
Is the relationship too suffocating?
Now, we accept that no matter how many relationship articles, advices you read, the truth of the matter is always debatable. Nick and Lindsay from ‘Freaks and Geeks’ fame gives you a perfect example of a miss-matched relationship. What feels like a heartfelt gesture for a person might seem creepy to someone else. Believe it or not, writing poems for a person might overwhelm a person who is not yet at the place whereas the one may already be in love. This might cause problems in a relationship that already at a rocky start.
If your partner is already suffering from emotional suffocation, that means when one’s idea of relationship is spending the time with you loved one every moment of your life, while the same idea may not be appealing to the partner who needs his/her own space. If this is a situation you have found in your relationship, you can tell by your partners’ behavior if your clinginess is damaging your relationship.
Is he/she becoming withdrawn?
You are bound to realize at some point that your partner doesn’t share with as often they used too. Don’t confuse it with being a normal effect after some time into a relationship. Being clingy and putting an effort in relationship are two distinct things. Therefore, you need to figure out, are you being clingy or is your partner not giving enough attention to the relationship that is needed.
You don’t have much fun as you once did
Now, by saying fun, we are not necessarily implying that you be going to concerts, movies and romantic dates all the time. Just spending good old time together doing just simple routine things can be enjoyable with your gf/bf. If your partner feels as if they are being smothered, they will cling to whichever way to get away from your “we” time. They will make deliberate attempts to keep you out of their plans or avoid texting you back.
You may be pushing them by pulling too hard
Speaking about spending quality time, it is important to note that ‘quality time’ is about, well, about quality and not quantity. If one insists on being with the other half 24/7, the sweetness of coming back to your partner after separation is ruined. The time spend for the two, to connect conversationally, physical and spiritually is already being damaged by you constantly texting and breathing down his, her neck.
You have become a GPS tracker
This is most visible point to notice that you have become too needy. Constant texts – where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? When are you leaving? ; Will drive even a tolerant person insane. Just sending a text or two is just fine, constantly hovering is a sign that – a) you don’t trust your partner or b) you are insecure. Many girlfriends/boyfriends tend to get into their other halves business even if they are not physically with them. Many of them do it in the fear of being ignored or being cheated on, but if you are constantly at their backs through social media, texting or calling – the neediness will get to them eventually.
So if all the signs point to the yes sign, then clearly you gotta problem. So, how do you stop being too clingy and find a way to being some fresh air in a relationship? If you feel that you are being sensitive and insecure in a relationship, here are a few ways you can discover yourself again through some simple steps.
Idle minds are devil’s workshop, which means if you are not busy you will keep thinking about what your partner is doing, whether he is meeting up with his ex, is he plotting the next the world war? All sorts of crazy ideas will form (depending on how imaginative you are). With a busy schedule of working towards your ambition and spending quality time with your friends and family, you will be crazy busy. Plus you may even find out how much you were ignoring them in the bid to ‘keep up’ in your relationship.
Being alone is not synonyms with being lonely
Speaking about connecting with your friends and family, you may realize that while you were miserable being concerned with little issues about your gf/bf, being with friends will take away all your worries. Even when you are alone, you will find engaged in activities instead of feeling lonely.
Remember that you are worth it
Although it is evident, people sometimes are too harsh on themselves and tend to get insecure when it comes to a relationship. This is a tip that both – the clinger and the one ‘cling-ed’ on to must understand, that most of the neediness comes from self-doubt. While this can be a problem for the other, if you genuinely love the other – appreciate them more often and remind them that they are lovable (or you wouldn’t have dated them in the first place). However, remember that they can’t be the only one making the effort; you need to get over these self-esteem issues and remember that you ‘are’ good enough.
Is your neediness affecting your self-esteem?
Ask yourself this question. Even if your partner doesn’t mind the neediness, it is important to ask this question to find if your dependent nature is not hurting your relationship but is it damaging you? Some might find that in comparison to before and after starting a relationship that they have changed so much, that it will affect their self-esteem and make them feel weak.
“I am sorry, I am not clingy and attached. I have this rare disorder called self-esteem and the side effects are not giving a damn”.
Such co-dependent relationships are never healthy, when one has all the dominance. Sometimes, you may find that you are not at the right emotional level to get engaged in a relationship. If you find yourself in such situation and need to rediscover yourself, walk away and move on.