Wondering about young love? Didn’t we have enough of the 6 month farce in the last few articles? Let’s get all young again! Leave it to your relationship expert to explain it to you.
No one is too young for love, because love doesn’t come from your mind, which knows your age, but from your heart, which knows no age.
Thoughts on first love –
The words crush, infatuation, melodrama and sappy lines come to mind. They are reminders of what we were and the difference age and perspective can do. Childlike innocence led us to believe in forever before we know what forever actually means, however in all this nostalgic remembrance we think that age makes us more knowledgeable about love. But does it?
Of Non- Romantic Romance
If you had to back in time, to the time of your adolescence…what would you remember the most about the when you stood at the precipice of adulthood? Puppy Love is an interesting concept, first love that is more about curiosity rather than actual understanding of love. Of course, that doesn’t mean that all first loves are bound to be failures, however for the most of us they are the necessary and hurtful stepping stones for realizing what we truly need and what we need to become. As a wise person once said – rather than finding a god woman, first try to be a good man’ (of course this relates to all the genders). Talking about high school romance, we don’t give them as much as serious consideration as we give to college or young adult romances. Just something about the whole concept of it sounds similar to be along the lines of unicorns, candies and all the sweet things that are pure but can’t stand the test of time.
Many look at the concept lightly; however we forget the basic thing that love is not defined by age as age is in itself is not definitive. A person in their late twenties ought to be sure of their path and have a mature head, but how many times do we find that is not true for every person.
Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you.
– Loretta Young
Maturity to handle relationships across generations
Generation to generation the level of emotional maturity seems to be getting higher and higher among the masses. This however doesn’t mean than everyone from next generation are late maturity bloomers. There are a lot of people who are just going through the motions of adulthood but are in mind waiting for those very acquisitions ( owning a house and a car, marrying, having a baby) to bring maturity into them. And on the other side of the fence are people who effortlessly no matter the age seem to accept adulthood without even crossing mid-twenties. The phrase “ old souls” apply to them, and not because they like old music and are happy to stay in and read good books than party but they complete the most big criteria about adulthood i.e taking responsibilities. That is how; first love can be different for different people.
You hear about your grandparents getting married in the early twenties or late teens and you imagine that that is how it would be for a Generation Y or Z. However hold your horses because research proves that the meaning of love doesn’t change from generation to generation but people do. So, in simpler words, what has been the situation for your grandparents maybe different for you.Maybe that’s why your opinions on “Romeo and Juliet” may vary from your parents and grandparents greatly. The adolescent love might differ from expression in the form of late texting to late night under the balcony serenades.
The lure of re-uniting with lost love
Okay, how can one talk about first love without all the drama that meant a lot as a teenager. For a teenager of the 90’s or even 80’s puppy love comes with ridiculous conditions, love triangles and all other geometrical shaped angles, jealousy and first crushes. When we look back, and we mostly do tend to look we find ourselves to be looking from rose tinted glasses. Everything is so new, and the love is so passionate and yes, careless that often it is a source of nostalgia for the ones “who got away”. However, remember thatit is human tendency to want for what gotten away or something that they simply never had.
First love may work for some lucky ones, but alas it’s not for all. It is always the case of wondering ‘what could have been that keeps you imagining and if not it is most likely the material success of the former love that makes you regret, Again for all the wrong reasons.
On the other hand, there are some stories, emphasis on ‘some’ that we hear from peers about successful rekindling of old romances. So of course if the reasons are right and the head is screwed on right with the intention of working the relationship is right, this might just work.
The science of First Love
Whatever it might be, adolescent love is said to be the deepest. This might be true or false, but it is sure not easy to forget. Why is it so? For the most it tends to create the most passionate feelings within you. And maybe the answer might be because either it is true or because it is careless. It does make you wonder, if the innocence of love which has never experienced pain before and therefore is more “close your eyes and jump into it” kind of careless. And the rush of such passion cannot be created when the wounds of the past are still on the mind.
A theory called “Imprinting” , explains about the “ rapid learning process a young mind goes through in early ( and the most sensitive) period of time when the mind attaches itself to the member of its own species”. Apply this to adolescent love it explains “adolescence is a sensitive period of life and therefore experiences especially romantic experiences imprint themselves into one’s mind for life”. Now given the obvious problems with this theory is that if “first love is the most passionate” concept was a biological phenomenon of imprinting it would have been the same for everyone. This however is not so, it may be more plausible to believe that the newness of experience that creates the overwhelming feeling in a person is what an individual remembers when he/she look at their past.
The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.
– Audrey Hepburn
High school experience of First love
Most of the romantic comedies are guaranteed to be about sappy and most embarrassing lines with cheesy situations. We wonder why we love to hate them and yet, bother to watch them in the first place. The answer is that they tell us what our High school was “NOT” about. The fairy tale romance, the “bitchtastic popular” ones and all other clichés cannot capture the reality of high school experience. In reality most young love experiences are filled with uncertainty, rejections, concern for unimportant things. Therefore, however passionate, once the reality sets in after the door of colleges and different opportunities set it, the forever promised in moments of passion is left behind for better things.
However good decision it maybe, it does tend to hurt. Then there are the unexpected lucky ones, who are just different from the “normal high school couples”. Yes, they do exist; the ones who make it work, to identify them – these are the ones who have a solid foundation and surprising maturity that is not common with teens. These are the tales you hear and oddly enough these are the tales that can be defined as “non-romantic romance”. This is a notion that can best suited to describe a relationship that is guide with passion equaling rationality and with the mind determined to make “it work”. Many people even in their thirties expect that “love will solve every conflict”, this kind of attitude wears off quickly. The realization may come sooner or later in everyone’s life.
First Love v/s experienced love
You may have read or heard about first love v/s true love, however this subject is problematic as it automatically assumes that first love cannot be true love. There is the fear of resenting your first love for lost opportunities if you get married. However, there is also the chance of regretting of letting “the one” go.
For all that is discussed about experienced love and first love, obviously opinions differ as per realities of each person. For many first love become life lessons that teach us what we want and what we don’t want as well as how to improve. For some lucky ones first love becomes the life altering moment where they meet the one and is constant. Many us may prefer our first love to be the last one, but bitter reality statistics tell us that in real life for most of us first love that is kept on a pedestal of the bitter-sweet reminder for a past lost, is just to be kept just as it.