Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike
– J K Rowling
They say relationships are made in heaven. Meeting of two people and gradually accepting each other as their better half is truly beautiful. What judges the validity of that acceptation is how balanced they keep their relation on the long path ahead. I have discussed the primary factors responsible for a marriage hitting the rocks in previous write ups. But, here is the ugly face and the ugliest truth of it all—the break up!
The separation issues are not really taken up with an enhanced interest as much as the making up part of any relation. But the truth is that sometimes, breaking up is really the sole solution for a better future. Here’s for you an in depth version of this aspect.
Common Relationship Disputes
Every relationship is a sublime composition of perfections and imperfections which lends some bumps on the pre-assumed smooth ride. Following are some recurrent and coarse issues of a day to day life, an increased frequency of which can bring biggest differences between any couple-
- Financial disputes—Every relation, sometime post commitment, has financial disagreements and contentions which tend to affect the peace in a big way. This may include your coming across frequent taunts or questions from him/her regarding your spending whether acceptable or not.
- Lack of Communication—Communication plays a vital role in keeping you two glued to eachother. But friction caused by minor daily issues can unnoticeably bring down the amount of conversations done. All you need to do is extract some quality time with him/her to mend the patchable issues.
- Abuse—Abuse in a relationship can be physical, emotional, verbal or mental in nature. None of the mentioned abuses are legally acceptable in any relationship. An intense situation calls for a legal help.
- Sexual Dissatisfaction— It is usually an ignored factor in amongst a couple. Too frequent arguments result in emotional detachment and hence further resulting in the two falling apart with increase physical distances.
Why Do Relationships Break?
Apart from general reasons for the shattering of a relationship, here are few causes rarely taken into account:
- Ego Clash—“I am right, how can I be wrong!” or “I am the husband, do as I say” are some egocentric thoughts which definitely would have struck you at some point during the onset of an argument between you and him/her. Giving in sometimes can be a positive dose for your ruining relation. But an overdose can surely make others take you for granted.
- Commitment Block—Lack of dedication or devotion in a relation can turn it upside down. All it calls for is a willingness to understand and give more importance to your partner than yourself. Again, it is noteworthy to mention here that, excess of anything might revert back to you with heavy blow. Meaning, importance given calls for importance received.
- Lack of Respect—Respect is an important ingredient in any relationship. Self respect is everyone’s favourite.
I cannot conceive of a greater loss than the loss of one’s self respect
— Mahatma Gandhi
Respect is a subtle mixture of three essential ingredients of admiration, appreciation and recognition. Respect in such relationships comes out of overlooking the flaws of your partner and accepting and admiring him/her with his/her imperfections instead of going on the spree to change him/her to your requirements and likes.
- The Myth— A prevalent myth about relationships is that people should change after marriage. This is a wrong assertion. One doesn’t expect a complete makeover post marriage. If you wish to groom your partner as per your expectations, then you are in for a huge tumult in your marriage.
- Emotional Intimacy—Intimacy is not just physical. Emotional intimacy has a bulkier role than the former. Talking it out with your partner is the demand of the situation.
Signs That Your Relationship Is Heading Towards Doom
Many a times, you or your partner wouldn’t realise where your marriage is headed. And one fine day the things might suddenly strike to your surprise. Here are some obvious signs indicating a probable catastrophe in your relation :
- Distrust—Whether mutual or one sided, distrust has no sister definition. Losing trust is the foremost sign of any relationship heading towards an end. Is he/she questioning your motives, acts, purpose or abilities too much? Has the anger, possessiveness or control increased from his/her side? It’s the sign!
- Realization—A sudden out of the blue realization of the fact that your values and thinking differs widely as compared to his/hers, it’s the sign!
- No Togetherness—Your plans now are devoid of him/her now. It’s not intentional though, but his/her involvement is not heartily acceptable anymore. It’s the sign!
- No Fun—Every relationship needs regular dose of fun, enjoyment and excitement. But if you have someone who keeps complaining about your ways and behaviour, about the ways you wish to enjoy a part of the life, it’s the sign!
- A Life With Someone Else—You both fell in love, married, suffered and are no more tolerant and instead have started fantasizing life with someone else, it’s the sign!
- No Future Together—Every couple have certain dreams together for their future. But when you can’t see yourself with him/her in future and rather detest the mere ides of spending the further life with him/her, it’s the sign!
How To Walk Out ?
A wish to walk out and practically doing so, are two different things. You might have been wishing to walk out of your relationship, but might be falling short of the courage to do so. Once the above aspects of a ruining marriage or relationship are evident, then there is no reason to carry on.
One cannot walk out on someone randomly. The act has to be preceded with discussions and mutual consent, i.e. the act has to be amicable.
Still, it is always a wiser advice to sit and talk out so as to dig out the possibilities of a future together. Don’t forget that your act connects its repercussions with many other people of the family, thus it needs to be well meditated and a patient decision.
How To Deal With a breakup
Breaking up owing to the genuine reasons can be easy. It is the life after the act that holds the toughest scenario for both him and her. Dealing with a break up can be very difficult, but it’s definitely not impossible:
- Catch hold of your feelings. This would be the time when the best of the moments you had spent with him/her would haunt you. It can be truly hurtful to stay engrossed in your past. Try to accept the situations in a positive manner. Instead of stressing upon the past, try thinking about what good the break up has brought you with or what bad you have saved yourself from.
- It is the most obvious part in the initial stages of the post break up phase that you would tend to search for answers to your questions regarding breakup, e.g. “Where did we go wrong?”or “Why did this have to happen with us?”. It is advisable to stay in the present and let the jumbled up emotions settle down.
- Instead of cribbing about the past, think about the fact that you learned a lesson in love. Even though easy to be said than to be done, but moving on is the best remedy to let the pain of separation heal.
Relationships are blessings, but they need the manure of love, respect and devotion. A little more would raise expectations and a little less would bring remorse.
– Shilpa Sandesh