Unfortunately it is worst if you don’t even have a friend by your side. You may have thought these things were just reserved for dramas, until it happens to you. Gf/Bf cheating is bad but to find out that it was with a friend is worse. Your relationship expert will tell you what to do in such cases…
What happens when your other half betrays you in the worst way?
Betrayal was what I felt, my heart broken not just by a guy I was in love with, but also by, as I once believed, a true friend.
– Danka. V
Sometimes our lives feel more like a bad melodrama than reality. Feels like everything around us is in on a secret and after some time, everything is just going to shatter and feel like a dream. Infidelity can be emotional as well as physical. No one can decide which type of cheating is worse, even if both are wrong. For most of us, we can’t imagine what a cheater’s logic is like. Some cheat and feel guilty which leads them to confess; some do it and justify it by pointing fingers to avoid that guilt, some just cheat and keep feeling guilt but do not have the gut to confess. While both parties are at wrong, but there is a difference between concealing that the cheating happened and the one who came clean about it.
Many people cheat and feel the need to make excuse to hide it to “protect” the other. However, the only thing such people are protecting is themselves for not have the guts to confess the truth. Every person has a right know that they are being cheated on, so that they can take care of themselves and their feelings then make a decision of whether they can trust again or if they want to move on.
Almost anyone who ever has been through any emotional upheaval can attest to the fact that, a friendly shoulder at this time is all you need. Except what if the person you count the most after you other half – your best friend was the reason for your breakup. Yes, it sounds like a plotline of a rather banal romance novel, but you will be surprised at how many times such a thing happens in reality as well. This type of experience is the type you would pray no one would have to go through. Especially because it’s a double edged betrayal that has the ability to forever break the person.
Your friend confesses that he/she cheated with your partner
Love is whatever you can still betray. Betrayal can only happen if you love.
-John Le Carre
This is probably worse coming from a friend rather than if you’re other half had been the one confessing. In this case, it might be a surprise for you or you might have been suspicious before but that doesn’t lessen the pain. Every relationship, every friendship is different and as per that every affair is also different.
When a friend confesses after one time thing, it is obvious that your friend values your friendship more than your partner values your relationship (i.e if she is sincerely confessing and not gloating). Of course your first reaction might be to throw a punch or bitch slap, just to let out the aggression, it is perfectly normal. Now many of you probably, will show that friend the door and chase your partner for some bow-pow time, take a moment to realize what your friend just confessed. Of course at first it maybe too painful to acknowledge, but it did happen.
Get to the bottom of it
It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.
– William Blake
What? When? Why? These might seem trivial at the time but if the wound is not properly treated, it will fester and grow. Every friendship is different; therefore all reactions may not be the same. Is he/she is genuinely interested with your partner? Was it because they were jealous? Or was it a onetime drunken mistake? It will hurt to hear but cannot gain closure without listening to the reasons.
Trust is broken
The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies
The trust you had in your friend is broken and no matter what it will never be the same between you two, you have to accept that. This is probably one of the most difficult decisions of your life but it will between keeping that person in your life or not. Even if you keep that friend in your life, you will always be wary of her/him. In most cases it is better to let such a person go and distance yourself with them.
If your partner confesses to you
A friend confessing and your bf/gf confessing are two different things. Obviously for each case, it is different. If the bf/gf is just a new development of relationship, you need to cut your ties as soon as you can. In fact in such cases, you might even forgive the friend after a while. It depends upon how much you like this person, if this has happened at such a time which is supposed to be “the blissful period” of relationship is it really going to mature into a beautiful one, our guess is probably not.
This might be cry for help
Depending upon how your relationship is and how the gf/bf normally is, this might actually be a cry for help. Of course, it doesn’t make the fact that it was with your best friend of all people any less true. Depression and certain needs can often lead a person to cheat. If your partner just confessed after a one time fling, he might actually have some kind of respect for you, to let you know and might be actually willing to work on the relationship. It’s of course your decision to make, but keep in mind that he or she might need your help to lay down the law and help to build a better relationship.
It was just physical
This is the excuse many cheaters like to give, “it was not emotional, it was a drunken mistake, or it was in a different country and I was missing you”. Do not put up with these excuses. A confession in contrast to these might be better. All the more it was with someone whom you dearly trusted as a friend. In such cases it is better to kick them both to the curb.
In such cases too, you need to get to the bottom of why your partner might do something like this. If they are not silly excuses like the above, you may even try to listen to them. If your relationship was deep enough, how could they betray you in a way that has left you with neither the partner nor the friend, who was to be your safe harbor at such times?
Is splitting after Confession always the right path?
Love is understood, in a historical way, as one of the great human vocations – but its counterspell has always been infidelity. This terrible, terrible betrayal that can tear apart not only another person, not only oneself, but whole families
– Junot Diaz
When comes down to it, it all depends if you can trust a partner after a slip up like that. If you have children together, this might be worse because they have not ruined your life but your children’s as well. In many cases, you find children suffer due to traumatic experiences of seeing their parent’s love life. Most people would hesitate to confess, if they have children and at times, it might be better to carry the burden of the mess with just the two of you rather than bringing children in the mess.
Of course, if it’s a onetime deal, you may forgive for children’s sake but don’t let him/her mistake that they can trample on you. Law down the rules and keep a tight leash, you have all the reasons to question them and don’t let them forget it. Keep a reminder that whatever you both do is the matter between the husband and the wife and not between children and parents. Fighting in front of the kids is absolutely abhorrent even if you are not the cheater.
Your Partner and friend are genuinely in love with each other
This may come as a shock to you, and this might be the worst case scenario for you, but if they really like each other, this might actually be better than them just having a fling. It may look impossible to you at that point but if they are in a serious relationship, this might mean that they are not “just bad people”. It might be heartbreaking to acknowledge, but if they are responsible enough to confess together, there still might be hope for you to remain as friends….after a while of course.
Just like Ted Mosby would say “it was a romance story, just that it wasn’t mine.” Acknowledge and move on.