“The older you get, the more you understand how your conscience works. The biggest and only critic lives in your perception of people’s perception of you rather than people’s perception of you.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy
So far we have contemplated upon the various issues concerning marriage and committed relationships and the hardships faced by every couple on this path. This article would be dealing extensively with the different types of insecurities in such relationships and how far these insecurities are responsible to play a spoil sport in any marriage or romantic relationship.
Most Common Insecurities In Women
As no relationship is spared from the rough roads, the insecurities are just like the origins of those rough patches. Amazed? Well, diffidence are not really a very common aspect in any romantic relationship but if these are present therein, they remain invisible and so tend to become the very reasons of a marriage or committed relationship hitting the rocks. Let’s ponder over the most common of the insecurities in women in such a relationship and some of these come with a promise of provoking a laughter too-
- Age- True they say that never ask the age of a women, you would either land up with a sore eye or a wrong age! Jokes apart, age really continues to be woman’s worst enemy! Statistics are the proof that women’s web searches are mostly about “anti-ageing and wrinkle lifting” methods! And this one is due to a constantly hitting thought, “Will my man love me the same way even after I look wrinkly and aged?”
- Weight- Talk of the enemies and here pops up the second most detested thing by women. And yes, it does affect their confidence in being in a relationship. If you are a man readin this write up ,then “How many times have you felt attracted towards a fat or an over weight or a healthy looking woman?” and if you are an over-weight woman reading this article, then “How many times have you been rejected in love due to your weight or looks?” or “How does your weight affect your level of confidence?” No doubt the weight loss pills are gaining a good rapport amongst women buyers.
- Sexuality- Every women wants to be attractive and sexually more desirable than any other woman.
- Trust issues- No offense to the fairer sex but just a statement of fact that women are bound to have more trust issues towards their boyfriends or husbands than the other way round. Every relationship starts to become boring or monotonous after certain years of togetherness owing to not one but many common issues prevalent in all marriages. Women are more likely in this respect to think of their partner falling for some one else outside their relationship for his lack of interest in the relationship or marriage.
- The attraction factor- The hair colour, eye colour, looks and a bunch of other such things matter a lot to every woman when it’s about either getting into a new romance or trying to reignite the spark in a marriage.
- Financial Insecurities- This is another most common insecurity faced by the women today. Post commitment or post marriage the money availability or insufficiency creates uncertainties and inhibitions. This definitely hampers the marital life and thus discords and arguments.
- Career- Women are insecure regarding their careers whether it’s before or after marriage. And this point is for those women who have either had a good career before marriage or aspire to make one after marriage or commitment.
- It is very likely that a woman after her first date would expect a call or a plan for another date by her partner. In such a case a lady ends up getting insecure thinking whether the guy she dated is going to contact her or not.
- According to most of the women, all their dates or romantic partner wants from them is physical intimacy! Grow up girls! You can’t always be right!
- Women tend to measure their partners’ interest in them on a beam balance! This lot need some attention.
- Women tend to doubt their own capabilities whether it is about something to please you or it is their performance in bed.
Insecurities In Men In A Relationship
Well if you thought only women have their bags full of insecurities, then here is the set of men’s share-
- Emotional insecurities- Whoever said that women are more emotional than men, need a correction! Statistically speaking, men are more emotional but not a frequent displayer of those emotions. As a result of this they also tend to be emotionally insecure in their relationships which invisibly poisons their togetherness with their partner or wife.
- Physical insecurities- Such an insecurity is very common in men. A disconnection from the outside world and sticking around with his lady all the time is one of the signs of an insecure man.
- If you have had a past relationship, then it is likely that your current partner would remain insecure of your possible affection for your ex flame.
- He would need a validation of your love for him every now a then and especially when he expresses his love for you.
- Have you been talking to your male friends? If your husband is one insecure person, in which there seems nothing wrong as such, his constant disapproval of your any such connections whatsoever shows his jealousy towards you.
Signs That You Are In Relation With An Insecure Partner
As mentioned above, the insecurities are a part of any committed relationships just like the disagreements and minor/major arguments. But these remain invisible and unknown despite of their capability to ruin a relationship with its trust factors. Following are some of the signs indicative of your marriage or relationship heading towards being one filled with insecurities:
- Your partner has cut himself/herself from the rest of the world, has no social circle and prefers spending most of the time of the day clinging to you.
- The public display of affection has increased.
- People who are jealous in their relationship tend to play games in their relation as a way to test their partner’s affection or love or commitment towards them. Eg: sometimes such insecure partners fake breaking up with their counterparts.
- If he/she is insecure in the relationship, you would find him/her talking about the heart breaking situations of his/her past affairs seeking your emotional support and a sort of sympathetic support from you.
- An insecure partner would just don’t get tired of expressing his/her fondness and intense feelings for you and would expect an equally affectionate expressions of love from you too in return.
- To know your level of commitment your insecure partner would often try to make you jealous by showing his/her fondness for someone outside your relationship.
- She would always have this thought that every other women out there is scheming to steal you away from her.
- He/she wants to know your whereabouts every second of the day.
- He/she goes through your phone, chats, internet surfing history, call logs and all the other possible ‘detective’ activities.
- He/she make a mountain out of a mole hill. Eg: You fail to reply a text message, and he/she drives you crazy with questions!
- He/she is always apologising for every little thing in order to make sure that you don’t get angry or frustrated over some issue however irrelevant or minor it might be.
- The insecure partners lack confidence and are always defensive about themselves whatever the situation might be.
- If you have an insecure partner then you would find him/her constantly expect you to ask for their approval before you do anything or talk to anyone.
- If he/she is insecure, you would find him/her distrusting the intentions of every outside person you talk to especially if he/she is of an opposite sex.
The conclusion that can be drawn out of the above discussion is that your relationship might be the real good one with you two as the most compatible couple, but anything crossing its bounds result in problems and when it’s about the relationships then over expressions of feelings or over dependence on the partner or over defensive behaviour always becomes the root cause of a future unseen conflict or discord in your current smooth romantic relationship.
A committed relationship grows to be strong with trust and faith in each other. Avoid going over board with sentiments and thus save yourself from any future issues or heartbreaks.
“I’m interested in the fact that the less secure a man is, the more likely he is to have extreme prejudice.”
― Clint Eastwood