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We inherit family relationships by birth and we make friends from the day we learn to fumble but there is this one space in everyone’s life which is specifically reserved for a life partner, a lover, a spouse. The beginning of any relationship is mostly full of vigor and a wave of romantic emotions. Over the years some relationships grow into a beautiful life experiences, some become a routine, few fade away over years and many have a saddening end to them. So is there a specific rule book or a key to a Happy Relationship? I’m sure everyone who has ever been into a romantic alliance has thought of this. Situations where a person is clueless about how to handle relationship issues are common. But yes, relationships can be happily sustained if some basic rules are followed and some preconceived notions are broken. Relationships cannot be like a fit to all T-shirt, there is a lot of subjectivity when you say words like romance or marriage. There is no step wise recipe for love but a few tips could be really helpful in taking ahead and nurturing a bond.
No two people enter into a relationship with the idea of separation. But, unfortunately, a good number of them part their ways at very early stages and some after years of togetherness. While talking of what are the right things to do make a lot of sense. It is equally important to realize what the disasters those lead to falling apart are.
~ Separation is not a Solution.
You do not break but you mend! And you do not go by silly sayings like once mended it always has a mark. Break up or Divorce is an easy escape to a problem. People who want to run away from the pain of solving an issue take up these options. It means that you want to put an end to the communication and turn away from any efforts you are supposed to put for working out your relationship. What people don’t realize is that they can come across a similar situation in their new relationships. Even then the only solution left would be to run away if they have a closed approach to relationships.
~ No One is perfect. Not even you.
Life is not a fairytale or a directed movie. So it will not always turn out the way you imagine. You need to accept life equally with both its ups and downs. Instead of expecting a perfect relationship it is more sensible to adjust yourself with every situation. There will be moments of joy and moments of struggle. But the challenge is to enjoy the joyous moments and again enjoying the struggle. If there would be no hardships you will never be able to judge the strength of your bond and also test the love of your partner. There is no wrong relationship but only fewer acceptances.
~ Speak Your Heart.
It’s an age old saying that, “Communication is the key to a successful relationship”. Your partner cannot read everything you think. And it is foolish of you to feel that he/she ought to know how you feel about anything, without you expressing it to him/her.
Also, communicating and not fighting is the point. Laying down your expectations from your partner is not like asking for something which you deserved beforehand.
~ Love and Respect
No relationship can ever grow without nurturing it with genuine respect and care for each other. While feelings like love and passion are common to any romantic relationship, believe it or not, they are not enough to sustain it for a lifetime. A partner needs respect and care from his/her spouse at every phase of the relationship. Where two people have mutual regard for each other it becomes easier to steer through different life situations. The decisions are extremely sensitive. Shouting, name calling and offensive behavior can damage any relationship. No matter how much you love each other, respect is irreplaceable. Often couples part away because there is no respect. It’s also important that the thread of love and respect is reciprocal. Only one partner cannot make a great relationship; both have to mutually work towards it.
The company of an understanding and supportive life partner can prove to be extremely encouraging. Another important factor for a happy relationship is to support your partner in their endeavors. You might not always like or agree with what your better half is doing. But acceptance and support for your partner can be extremely appreciated and you will receive the same whenever required. ‘I am always there for you’ is an amazing gesture that nurtures and binds two people together.
Besides being dedicated to your relationship and following some basics checklist rules with your partner it is equally important not to follow some generalized norms. As we mentioned earlier that relationships are subjective. We might try to apply some success mantras to all relationships but some relationship myths also need to be cautiously handled!
~ Myth- Your partner will always know what to say and do
Expressing your partner to be a mind reader and starting to play mind games can become a serious threat to a relationship. It is much better to be natural and put things on the table. Be vocal about your expectations. If you are not happy with something express it to your partner. This might also give him/her a chance to justify his/her actions. Communication can solve many major problems with ease. It is absolutely alright to be vulnerable in relationships but use your vulnerability in a positive way. Relationships are not magic but purely based on honesty of emotions between two people. No partner can guess what’s going in other person’s head. Simply say it and see the difference for yourself.
~Myth- There are some universal rules for a happy relationship
We’ve been saying this a lot by now. There is no fixed recipe or no fixed steps to achieve happiness in relationship. And you won’t receive customized rule book for particularly your relationship either. You need to understand that every person is a different soul and your job is to understand your partner and how things work for him/her. If you have specialized with what your partner needs, how he/she feels about people, things and situations you are on your way to happiness. So, taking life one day at a time and working with your partner for mutual growth is really helpful.
~Myth-Differences can destroy a relationship
No. differences cannot destroy a relationship however not respecting differences can. Just like you are an individual and have your opinion about issues and choices about good or bad your spouse will also have his/her taste. Assuming that just because your taste doesn’t match your relationship is at risk will be a foolishness. Mature people understand that love doesn’t mean wanting the same flavor of icecream or wanting to listen to the same song at the same time. Love is a much more intellectual feeling which expects you to be sensitive of your partner’s feeling. In most of the relationships once the initial honeymoon phase is over and you need to face life people freak out when they start noticing the starking differences. You don’t have to agree with everything your partner thinks or says but you need to respect it as it is coming from him/her.
~Myth-Arguments steal away the Happiness.
Haven’t you argued with your parents and siblings? Fought with them over petty issues? Then why treat this relationship as different. Why a small heated argument can become a reason of war between two people. Moreover arguments with your partner need not be heated. Healthy arguments can prove to be really healthy for a relationship. They give you an opportunity to stir your thoughts and come out of a fixed thinking process. It is important to realize that no one will be more honest with you than your partner as he/she is the one who knows you the best. You don’t have to win or lose an argument or gain dominance over the other person. If the purpose of your argument is only to reason about issues it sure will be helpful for your relationship.
~Myth-you have to do everything with your partner for a happy relationship.
So, when are you going to miss each other? It is absolutely not necessary to be with each other all the time or do everything with each other. It is normal to have different choices in the areas of work and entertainment and every person needs his/her comfortable space to enjoy that. As much as spending time together for common interests is important it is equally important to concentrate on personal growth. You should not be forced to do things you do not like. Spending time on personal interests is healthy for any relationship. You always return recharged and you can actually deliver more to your bond.
Carrie Bradshaw – Sex and the City
Do you look for that kind of love? Do you think it is just a fairytale? Maybe you feel you need to settle with anyone with the same goals that you have. Whether you are looking for that Carrie Bradshaw type or just someone you can feel comfortable with, it is out there. Believe it. You just need to know where to look and how to get it.
With today’s society linking their minds, bodies and souls to the internet and having to rifle through social website after social website and fake profile after fake profile, it’s no wonder why we are so disheartened about finding that one true love. But hey, it’s better than the bar scene right? For now, let’s step back. Let’s work on getting that first date.
1. Goal. Know what your goal is and fulfill that goal. Don’t settle for someone who almost fits or could possibly be molded into that someone you desire.
2. Confidence! This is a huge factor in making a good impression as well as becoming aware of your surroundings. Be confident but be yourself. Hold your head up, make direct eye contact with others, be sure to have a firm hand shake when meeting someone and smile. These attributes will cause others to want to be around you.
If you have issues with your confidence level try surrounding yourself with self-assured and assertive people, pictures and music at home, at work and wherever you spend your time. This will help boost your own confidence.
3. Be Yourself. Don’t try to be someone or something that you are not. Stay honest and don’t lie. When you begin a relationship on a lie, you’ll never have that true connection you need to feel fulfilled. The more fake you are, the more transparent you’ll be later. If you aren’t ‘you’ when they get to know you then you’re only cheating yourself out of a good relationship. Getting caught in a lie is so very unattractive.
4. Don’t Be Cocky. You can take the best looking person in the place and they will lose points quickly if they are cocky and conceded about themselves. Confidence is a big turn on but being cocky is a definite no-no.
5. Look Good. Always try to look your best. Throwing on a pair of sweat pants just to run to the store may be the one time you run into someone you want to get to know. I’m not suggesting you need to do a complete make over just to pick up a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk, but looking presentable will not only make you feel good about yourself but it will give others the impression that you take care of yourself and you are the type of person who likes to look good at all times.
Take a look at your overall appearance. Put some time and effort into what you wear. That age old saying that “the clothes make the man” is true. If you dress to impress, you will. If you dress in yesterdays t-shirt with the mustard stain on the front and a pair of your favorite greasy jeans, chances are you’re not going to get a second look. Take pride in how you take care of your hair. Spend a little money at a good salon. You’re worth it. How do your teeth look? Believe it or not, teeth can be a deal breaker even for the most beautiful of people. A good dentist is well worth if for a winning smile.
6. Surroundings. Be aware of what is around you. When you are out and about look around, make eye contact, smile. Don’t walk with your head down or bury your self into the world of Facebook or game apps on your phone. If you’re absorbed in the latest game of Angry Birds you’re not going to see that ‘made-for-you’ person almost run into you in the parking lot at the mall or as you sit there in the coffee shop sipping your latte. Be mindful of what and who is around you at all times.
Go someplace you are comfortable with. Your surroundings are a big part of getting where you want to be. If you are uncomfortable with where you are it will show in your confidence and in your ability to impress.
Hold an aura around you that exudes positive energy and a happiness others will want to be a part of.
7. Don’t Ever Assume Anything. Many people lose out on the best opportunities because they assume something is one way merely by their first impressions or by the way something is perceived. If you see a woman who is absolutely beautiful and you think there could be something there, don’t assume she is untouchable. Maybe other men have this same impression and therefore she never gets asked out. Don’t assume you have no chance. You may be just what she is looking for. If you ask and she says no, at least you know for sure. If you don’t ask you’ll never know.
The same idea applies to a woman who is not so attractive to the eye. There are millions of beautiful people out there on the inside as well as on the outside. I personally know some extremely amazing people who aren’t the best looking but are exciting to be around. Don’t be a snob and give it a chance.
8. Be Interesting. No matter who you meet or where you go there is always conversation. Keep up on current events and find out what interests them. Don’t try to be a know-it-all but getting to know what they like will give you an idea what to talk about the next time you get together. Do your research and give them something worth while to talk about with you.
Be mindful in the way conversation is going. If things are getting controversial when talking politics, for example, perhaps it is time to change the subject. Learn when to prove your point to win over the conversation and when to let them lead the conversation the way they want it to go.
If you find yourself struggling with keeping their interest and you are beginning to feel frustration then perhaps this person is not the one you are looking for. Be the bigger person, stop trying so hard, politely thank them for their company and walk away.
9. Be The One. Be that woman he wants to be with forever, not that woman he wants to be with tonight. This goes with the way you dress and the way you present yourself. Don’t be too provocative. This gives the message you’re just looking for a good time or that you are only good for one thing. Show them you are a well rounded person in your mind as well as the way you look. Don’t be too boring. Dress to impress and fill your mind with things that would interest them. If this becomes too much of a chore then maybe this person is not for you. You cannot overwhelm yourself trying to become the perfect person for them if you have nothing at all in common.
10. Persistence. This is a double edged sword and needs to be dealt with carefully. Persistence can be sexy. Showing them that you are so interested in them that you won’t take ‘no’ for an answer can persuade them to give you that chance they weren’t going to give you at first attempt. Use your persistence with confidence (NOT COCKINESS). There is a huge distinction between the two and knowing this can be the difference between being someone worthy of taking a chance on or making you look like a complete buffoon who needs to get over themselves.
11. Show interest in him/her. Look into their eyes. Ask questions about them and be genuinely interested. Be sure conversation does not continuously get directed about you and what you want or like. Basically, don’t talk about yourself all the time.
12. No Drama. Don’t be negative. Don’t talk down about others and don’t pour your troubles all over the table in front of you. This may be something you can do once you get to know the other person better and a relationship is established, but keep it in your mind that the other person wants someone fun to be around. They want someone they are going to want to spend the rest of their lives with and a person who is constantly talking about problems and issues is probably not going to have that chance.
Take these attributes into consideration when going out there and looking for that perfect someone. You’ll be surprise at how differently you look at things and how differently others will look at you. Confidence, having a goal, being interesting, looking the part and keeping the drama to yourself will all contribute to a better you, a more beautiful you.
So, we have taken enough sneak peek into what makes women hate men and how to deal with them. This time we take a heads up with stuff much lighter and happier. We look at things that you should do for your girl friend. Do not think we are here to suggest something outside your comfort zone, its generic stuff even you will enjoy. Usually relationship manuals will tell you things you should not do or what makes her hate you; but we keep things on the brighter side. It’s better to focus on pros than to get into the mess. Let’s talk about what things you must do and what makes her drool over you. To keep the flame alive between you and your lady you need not be on your toes 24*7. All you need is a dash of care and concern with all your love. We have listed down doable and amazingly simple things that you probably never thought of.
- Take her out with your friends –
She would love it if you are proud of her and you love showing her off. Your lady will be extremely happy and enjoy herself to the best if you take her out with your friends. She would relish watching you loosen up with your buddies and be in a really relaxed mood. Exchange a loving glance with her in between and do not hesitate for some public display of affection. Girls love it when you make them feel an important part of your life. She will surely appreciate if you start enjoying with her at different occasions. Never seclude her, always hang around her and keep winking at her. It’s even better if you go out with her friends as well. She would love to flaunt her beau and how much he loves her. Just be a part of each other’s lives as much as you can.
- Remember dates –
As much as she would disagree, she remembers all the important dates of your relationship. It would be an amazing change if you’re the one who remembers that special date; be it your first kiss or your proposal anniversary and recreates the memory for her. Girls value some special memories and want to relive them. They remember important things and want the same from you. Forgetting birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s Day may be a minor thing for you but it may be the end of this world for her. So set a reminder on your mobile or note it into your diary. Believe me, the efforts you take to remember dates will pay you off handsome returns. You know what I mean.
- Take a couple spa –
Yes you do spend a lot of time with each other in various ways but going for a therapy together and relaxing together can be a lovely. Letting off the stress together can be a calming experience. A spa is a great indulging thing that you both will enjoy. It would be awesome if you take an initiative or plan a surprise for her. The idea is to relax and unwind together. You may be very close to becoming a perfect guy for her, but this one will take you right on your target. These gestures are extremely romantic for any lady and she will love it more than you think. If you cannot book it at a spa, plan a tub bath at least. Some candles, rose petals and vanilla scent; play around with whatever you have. It simply turns them on.
- Plan her Birthday Surprise –
if you haven’t done that yet you should do it as soon as possible. Birthdays are special for us since childhood and every girl wants to be made feel like a princess on her day. Plan her surprise; be it a small or a lavish one. It’s sure to make her love you more. Not just birthdays, plan a surprise on just any occasion and see how her eyes shine bright. Women love surprises, big and small. Even coming early from work and buying her flowers can give a boost to your love chemistry. A surprise could be anything from diamonds to keychain. The key is to give her something she wanted since long. Even doing stuff she was procrastinating could be a great idea. How about booking her tickets, fixing her gadgets and getting things done for her.
- Cook for Her –
your lady might be fetching for various interesting recipes to pamper your taste buds. But it would be a happy day for her if you her favorite recipe for her. This one may not come easy to all men, but it’s worth the effort. Your lady will appreciate your efforts and acknowledge it even if you aren’t’ a great cook. Small recipe like a sandwich may also be fine. If you are planning something big, then an elaborate meal with dining details can be just awesome.
- Compliment Her –
just speak your heart out! You notice her and adore everything about her so keep telling her sweet nothings. From her hair to nails she wants to be praised about everything by you. Yes, girls need a lot of attention no matter how long you have been together. She expects you to notice and acknowledge her. Complimenting is not always about a generic ‘you look nice’ comment. Try to be more specific like ‘your hair is beautiful’ or ‘your hands are so soft’. Just try it and see the wonder for yourself.
- Read to her/ Sing to her –
she will always remember any wonderful stories you read to here or any heartwarming songs you sing for her. Do it often and make her feel special. You can pick from her favorite writer or maybe her favorite collection of love songs. If you are not a great singer, never mind. Just sing and she will like it. You can even text her a few lines of her favorite songs and make her day truly special. Girls like when you make small gestures and make her feel wanted. Your little efforts can make big difference to her.
- Take a Vacation –
a well deserved break is something which requires just the right planning. Your lady will shower her love upon you if you plan a happy get away with her. Taking a vacation is a stress buster and it rejuvenates you and your partner from all the worldly nonsense. A vacation is something you both will enjoy. If a long vacation is not feasible, steal a weekend and just spend time at a resort. It not just makes her feel elated but an amazing way to revive a relationship.
- Say “I Love You” –
Yes you just said it in the morning and its noon. Keep on updating your lady about how much you love her. Saying “I Love You” is a natural remedy for business for many women. Girls need reassurance of how much you love her. It may sound silly to a man, but for women it’s true romance. No matter how many times you have said it before, this time will brighten her eyes as ever. See how she blushes and smiles at your mention of those three magical words. It is the most effortless thing you can do for her and is priceless. Just say it and see how she is attracted to you.
- Spoil Her –
Pamper her about all the holidays she’s going to take. Spoil her by giving her a foot massage, serving her bed tea or put her to sleep by singing lullabies to her. Little gestures in the everyday routine can pamper your better half. You can find new and innovative ways to spoil her and make her feel special. It’s important that you do things that make her feel on the top of the world. Each women dreams of becoming a princess and your efforts can make her dream come true.
Well, the list above is definitely not exhaustive. Honestly, if we start to pen down things you can do, there would be endless ideas. So, learn the basics here and play around in your own way. It’s not about just some formal gesture but the love you have for her. For some men, these things come out naturally while for others it’s an alien concept. But if you think that it’s all okay and you do not to take any initiative then you’re sadly mistaken. She’s hoping that you wake up and be the man of fairy tales. Yes! The knight in the shining armor is the coveted dream for every girl. Boy! We have given you the start and a basic formula to keep her happy. Your girl may be different and she may expect some other things from you. But our list is quite generic and applicable to most women. So, just try out these things and see how it works for you!