In our previous article we had discussed about the crucial role that money plays in binding as well as destroying of a relationship. The write up here would consider the positive and the negative role of career in any committed relationship.
How Woman’s/Man’s Career Affects A Relationship:
A fact that leaves most of us wondering is that when career with respect to relationships is being spoken about, why do the fingers raise in particular upon the female partners who are either pursuing some career post commitment or aspire to pursue their career aims! If contemplated without the sudden “gender equality” and “gender discrimination” thoughts, woman being in career is not a taboo or something unacceptable, but too much of an involvement in it can result in adversely affecting a relationship. Let us see how:
Ego clashes- This is the most common issue which is not recognised though, but remains the centre of an argument between a working couple. Eg: it might have to do with you earning less than your wife or you expecting an equal financial assistance from your wife in getting the finances better but your wife not thinking on same terms etc. In this section of career restraints in any relationship the claims that worsens the situation are when the lady emphasises on her being the earner too. It thus becomes the ego clash with egoistic approach on both the parts simultaneously, i.e. the man expressing his disagreement towards his partner’s job and on the other hand the woman expressing what all she is gaining out of the job!
It is obvious that at some stage of your committed relationship or marriage you would plan to have kids. From bearing to raising up, kids are a huge responsibility which requires a lot of time and attention and focus. It may be a sort of a craze now a days to assume or suggest that fathers share the same amount of responsibility as the mothers towards their children, but the truth remains that a major part of this responsibility remains in a mother’s court. When put on a beam balance, this responsibility scores over career.
As an extended argument to the above aspect, there are two cases, when the mother is not required to earn but earns to achieve her goals and secondly when to meet the basic financial requirements it is mandatory for both the partners to earn. In both the scenarios though kids remain an utmost duty. Not being able to fulfil this duty results in dissatisfaction and arguments between a couple and thus further leads to strains in the marriage or relationship.
Being a part of the contemporary corporate world is not easy. It requires time and efforts to keep a good rapport at work. A working pattern where the working hours end at office is just for the sake of saying as now a days the technological advancements have made it a 24 hours working pattern. As a result of this a large amount of time meant for the betterment of personal relationship is given to the career and work. This changes the personal priorities from relationship and partner to work and career which together puts an adverse effect on a relationship.
Considering the pre commitment scenario, it has been seen that the couples who have been seeing each other since a long time gets stuck at the question of commitment. Not that they don’t wish to commit but the importance of career takes over the importance of being together. Following might be one of the situations in this case:
Man wishing to pursue career in some other city while woman wishing to stay put in the same city.
Woman wishing to excel in career by shifting elsewhere but the man’s career not matching up with his partner’s schedule. Togetherness in future becomes a considerable issue thereby putting a prospective marriage ending at courtship.
Man disagreeing with his partner’s wish to pursue a career post commitment results in differences between the two resulting in break up.
A situation where insecurity builds up is the worst case scenario in any relationship. Career is one aspect which encourages this feeling of insecurity in both men and women. Eg: You feel uncomfortable with the thought of your wife working in the company of other men at her work place. This is called being insecure and I am pretty sure that most of you might have come across that feeling. In extreme cases, these give rise to unjustified lack of trust and thus becomes a big enough reason to shake your relationship from its roots.
Making a career and achieving the goals is everyone’s right to self whether a man or a woman but post commitment the variations in priorities is obvious due to added responsibilities. It’s no more a bachelor’s life for either partner which is in the contemporary era not readily recognised by the people. This is to say that certain jobs and duties are gender specific and do not require the gender bias yapping all the time. So be it men or women, they need to understand that at some point there are compromises demanded from career point of view as well. Be it from a woman temporarily getting on with a lighter career prospect or a man giving up on too much of work so as to give quality time to his family.
Advantages Of Being A Working Woman
Enough discussed primarily about the restraining factors in a marriage with regards to career, let’s see how career building post commitment and children is advantageous to women who remain to be the start focus when it’s the discussion of career and relationship anywhere:
A woman gets to be financially independent. It is normal in many relationships that a man confronts his wife about the bills or the expenditure which obviously seems offensive to the latter. Sometimes these financial confrontations are right but sometimes these are unjustified. In such a case earning or working become a requirement or a way to financial freedom.
Ennui is a common thing that all the house wives come across. The usual monotonous routine sometimes set the nerves throbbing with boredom. The working lifestyle and getting to know new people daily sounds attractive and becomes a way to kill the boredom.
It is a fact noticed by many women and confessed too that those who earn money and have a certain position at the work place earn self respect in the personal life too. So in a way, it acts as a morale booster for many women. This further adds to their confidence.
A woman can contribute to societal betterment through her career by enlightening the positive aspects of working to the other women.
Disadvantages Of Working Women
As always nothing comes without two sides or aspects and therefore a women working or building career post commitment or family has its own disadvantages which cannot be ignored as such:
Taking up the responsibilities of house as well as work becomes truly exhausting and results in bad health and a bad temperament too. It is not with all families that the husband or the male partner assists with the household chores and in such cases the entire domestic responsibility falls on the shoulders of the woman alone.
Most of the time, the familial responsibilities get ignored due to commitments and liabilities at work and compromising at household and family seems an easier option than compromising at work with seniors or giving up work on a temporary basis for the betterment of family.
Due to the entire time given to work and family, an isolation from rest of the society is obvious. This leaves the entangled women with no or very little acquaintances or social circle.
The family life is usually distressed due to multiple factors involving insufficient time given to the husband or partner resulting in distances between the two. This further results in the personal relationship going sour and hampering the understanding between the committed partners. In worst cases, career has been a reason for a divorce or ending of a relationship whether years old or new.
Building a career and fulfilling the dreams by achieving planned goals is not wrong. But everything suits well at certain age and time. You might be over boosting yourself with the “equal rights” debate, but if something affects your relationship and family at a stage when family stands more important, a little sacrifice might just save many hearts from breaking.
“As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all – the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
They say money is vital for a good life and therefore further for a successful relationship. The money matters and the financial implications on a romantic relationship or marriage has been concisely pondered upon in the previous articles. Here is to a complete analysis of money with respect to its impact on relationships.
Friction is a part of every marriage or committed relationship. But an increase in the rough patches results in break ups. Let us analyse the role of money in any romantic relationship-
- Conversations related to money can be very critical when done with your partner. But it is important too. These conversations generally relate to the budget specific talks and the savings being planned for the future.
- Sometimes single earner in the family isn’t really enough and thus it becomes a need for the other partner to get into the working mode as well. This can also be termed as a team work.
- Arguments over money is normal in any relationship. Sometimes one partner can dislike the expenditure styles of the other and such disagreements can result in arguments.
- In extreme situations of financial dominance or control of one partner over another can result in divorce.
- A sudden degradation in financial status results sometimes in broken relationships due to a partner abandoning the other. This is suggestive of a materialistic relationship.
How Does Money Affect A Relationship
Even though the romantics would assert that love cannot be compared with money and that money can’t buy love, but post commitment situations usually take a rapid turn. Let us see how does money affects a committed relationship:
- Financial hardships are a part of the road to commitment. Even the best of the financially established families come across financial distress at some stage of life. Some couples face the destitute scenario together whereas some become victim to arguments and dissatisfaction arising out of it. A dissatisfaction from financial state can make your partner hostile, disinterested in you and even uncommunicative. And in a long run continuity of such feelings can lead to downfall in the personal relationship with your spouse.
- In every two people in commitment one is strict towards expenditures while the other is slightly lenient. The stricter ones might always judge every buy of his/her partner. In the same way all the expenditures are not legible, some do tend to fall in the category of spendthrift. These two widely varied differences amongst a couple can lead to frequent hurtful remarks as well as increased arguments further leading to break ups or disagreements.
- Communication regarding the financial subjects still remains to be a restrained ones amongst many couples. Either due to a fear of being shunned or argued upon, such a communication takes a back seat in many relationships. Eg: Your spouse asking about your calls mentioned in the phone bills or he/she eyeing your shopping bags etc. It should not be forgotten that money is not just a financial topic but an affair that carries with it the emotional connection too. This can be overcome by serious conversation between the two people in the relationship regarding the expenditures and all the frequent arguments can lead to emotional distress and upheavals.
- Sharing is another essential aspect of the financial sphere of a relationship. It is always advisable to share the income with the spouse and split the expenses as well if both the partners are working or earning. This can be achieved by various strategies such as opening a joint account which can be accessible to both the partners. But this can also become a huge reason of conflict as well. Eg: Where a wife might be planning to get a modular kitchen from the joint account savings, her husband might land up buying some expensive gadget and this might result in a huge discord.
- Ever wondered how the respective financial backgrounds of a couple might affect the personal relationship? Well, especially in the love marriages, these aspects might be wilfully ignored in the beginning but create enormous amount of trouble later. Eg: you might be from a financially well established family, but your spouse might not be. This might at some stage become a part of your confrontation towards him/her during certain arguments accompanied by depressing remarks and thus personal distances affecting the overall relationship.
- It has been seen that among a couple, if a husband earns lesser than his wife then this results in ego clashes which happen more than frequently. Whereas this might not be the case if a wife earns lesser than the husband. But such ego centric arguments and discords can be truly hazardous to any relationship.
Strategies To Improve Relationship With Money
Where on one hand money can be the spoil sport in relationships, a proper understanding about the ways to handle it can be tremendously helpful in improving the relationships as well. To widen and refurbish your personal perspective about money and expenditure when in a committed relationship is very important. Let’s contemplate various ways to do so:
- What is it that encourages you to spend money or what is it that demotivates you from spending money? Try to think over this. Are you being too finicky about either of these aspects? Is your reaction or doings with respect to these affecting your partner or your relationship with him/her? If your better half seems to be frequently irritated at this then it might be the time for some habit variations in you!
- It is a normal assumption in our society that more the money, more is the happiness. But actually speaking, money doesn’t really rule the happiness in a relationship. It is like looking for the fulfilment of happiness in the materialistic goods which will be there but would always be short lived.
- Sometimes, you might find yourself perfect at handling the money and expenditures. But may be to others you fall in one of the following categories:
- A Spendthrift
- A miser
Well, it is important to watch your expenditures if you have been spending a lot. To start with it is always wise to list down your financial priorities and your partner’s financial priorities separately followed by a discussion over those together so as to list out the ones worth prioritising.
Strategies Worth Adopting
Money and the practices associated with it can yield positivity for the relationship provided you implement the following strategies in your daily activities involving your finances:
- What you feel about your financial state reflects the level of your positive approach towards yourself and your family. Refrain from speaking negatively about your financial stature. This is to indicate those who mostly declare themselves financially broke. No one is ever broke with regards to finances, there is always some way out there to earn your livelihood.
- If you think your partner spends more than what should be spent, then avoid nagging him/her frequently. Rather discuss the issue in a polite manner and try to emphasise on the negative aspects associated with over spending or unthoughtful spending of money. You can consider bringing up the subject of required savings or pending loans etc. to make your discussion productive and result oriented.
- If you think your spouse doesn’t earn and merely spends your earnings, avoid any negative or degrading remarks. These can be hurtful and can result in emotionally downtrodden state of tour spouse further advance towards disputes and squabbles affecting your relationship with your partner.
- And finally the most important strategy, buy time for togetherness with money. Spend money to enjoy moments of closeness and affection with your spouse. Eg: That gadget or that Louis Vuitton bag might be a lot alluring and irresistible but what is worth lending a thought to here is whether or not these are your current requirements! What about spending that money on a quick weekend trip to a nearby destination and enjoy the exclusive intimacy with each other. This would be buying moments of happiness with money instead of buying arguments and discords with money!
Money is no doubt an important thing in life as it is useful in making life but it is definitely not all that is required. If money or an over prioritising of it starts affecting the personal relationships then it should be thought over again.
The whole world goes on and on about love. Poets spend their lives writing about it. Everyone thinks it’s the most wonderful thing. But, when you mention two guys in love, they forget all that and freak out.
―Mark A. Roeder, Outfield Menace
A substantial amount of contemplation and analysis has been done about the marriage, love and romance and all that comes as a part and parcel of it. It’s time for a little detour from opposite sex to same sex relationships. Where some might raise their eyebrows on this statement, many must be looking forward to know more about the same. This write up would be dealing with the gay relationships.
Before an in depth study and discussion is carried out on the subject of Gay relationships and its various positive and negative aspects, let us begin by clarifying our thoughts regarding the same. The law of attraction doesn’t have any bounds or principles when it is about two people falling in love with each other. When it is a matter of heart and fondness for someone, there are no limitations of the attraction being only in between two people of opposite sexes. One’s sexual orientation is in his/her body and nature, it is not necessarily by choice. It is thus to be considered by all means as normal a romantic relationship as any other. Marriage and romantic involvements are personal choices and basic human right.
How To Be A Better Partner In A Gay Relationship
A gay couple have as much issues in their relationships as in other opposite sex relationships. But no issues are devoid of their respective solutions. Here is how you can be a better partner to him:
- Boundaries and agreements are essential in any romantic relationship. You need to clarify what you want out of your relationship with him and at the same time be well versed with what he expects out of you. Following are the scenarios which would clarify this fact of boundary and agreement:
- You flirt with other men in the absence of your partner.
- Same sex relationships come across being bad mouthed by family and society quite often. In such cases you stand back and let your partner hear it all out instead of you standing up to his rescue.
- He forces you to indulge in sexual practices which you are not too comfortable with.
- Work and his hobbies are of more priority for your partner than spending a good deal of time with you.
- There is a lack of open communication or presentation of opinion when it is about each other’s wishes and expectations.
- Communication of your romantic feelings towards your partner is important. In same sex relationships these are a little different. Make sure what you say means something than absolutely nothing.
- Two successful people in a gay relationship always share some common interests and qualities which makes them positively compatible with each other.
- In the moments of arguments and discords try to make a collaborative effort in dealing with the issues and avoid making any hurtful remarks to each other. Managing a conflict in a productive manner is as important in a same sex relationship as in any other relationship.
- Too much of an identification as a couple can bring the positive aspects of your relationship to a saturation point. An individual identity is equally essential. This further initiates a balanced lifestyle.
- Seriousness is important in any relationship, but going overboard with it can lead to a hardened demeanour. Some things and situations are meant to be perceived and dealt with lightly which further adds to the humorous and the fun part of the relationship.
- It is important to keep your self esteem and confidence in your commitment high. It is thud advisable to have a network of those family and friends which approve of your same sex relationship instead of detesting it every now and then.
- The most important aspect in successful gay couples is that both the partners are open and fearless to show or confess about their sexuality instead of hiding it from the people so as to save himself from likely remarks or comments. Freedom and inhibition are the two most liberating feelings of any gay couple.
- Every man has been brought up with a stereotypical thinking. Successful gay couples are well versed with the pitfalls of their relationship such as the power struggles and issues pertaining to their sexual orientation in the society, but they deal with these issues in a comprehensive and an integrated manner.
The Pitfalls In A Gay Romantic Relationship
Pitfalls or rough patches are a part of every relationship. But the type of these entanglements differ with the nature of any relationship. In case of a same sex relationship following are the major disadvantages:
- Every marriage is complete making it a family. Children form an essential part of a marriage. Talking with respect to the biological perspective, a gay couple are devoid of this possibility in their relationship. They cannot bear their own offspring. Thus adoption remains the only way out to increase the family. But our legal system lays down its own set of rules and regulations with regards to adoptions of children which makes a process a rough task for the gay couples.
- The amount of viral infections as a result of sexual intimacy between a gay couple is higher and can affect the reproductive organs in a negative way.
- The same sex marriages or relationships are legally unacceptable in many countries and can lead a couple to imprisonment and fines. In some religions gay connection is considered a sin.
- If the adoption of children is permitted to a gay couple, the gender role poses as a big issue or concern for the child. They thus are considered to be poor parents.
- In many countries gay couples are devoid of the benefit of becoming foster parents to a child.
- Gay relationships come with a set of health disorders such as a lower life expectancy and mental disorders.
- Even if a country allows same sex relationship, such marriages or relationships remain to be the talk of the town in many societies. The societal lack of understanding thus makes them the laughing stock.
Important Features That Make A Gay Relationship Work
There are some vital features and characteristics of every successful gay relationship such as:
- A successful gay couple believe in compromising rather than acting egoistic and dominating.
- Gay couples are usually in first relationships unlike opposite sex couples who might have had previous relationships as well.
- Gay partners understand each other’s weaknesses and strengths better than anyone else. The gender based arguments between the fairer sex and men in straight relationships is not an issue here. The intense understanding of each other’s emotional and physical aspects helps to carry forward the relationship smoothly and with lesser discords.
- Listening and communicating with patience is an important aspect of any gay relationship. It is less of a couple’s relation and more of a friendship with an interdependence and mutual approach in the relationship.
- There is no forceful imposition of decisions or dominance of any sort in a good gay relationship. The two men in a gay romantic relationship acknowledge and validate each other better.
What Leads To A Failed Gay Relationship
Like opposite sex relationships, same sex relations also have their weaknesses which if not handled wisely can lead to a broken relationship. Following are some such reasons due to which a gay relationship fails:
- The emotional part of love might not essentially be a long lasting affair with gay couples. The momentary acceptance of each other thus in the long run leads to splitting apart.
- The gay relationships are frequent victim to societal remarks which can be hurtful. These situations lead to arguments if not taken with a sporting spirit. These are the scenarios where two partners need to stand shoulder to shoulder to take the blows together.
- Owing to their societal unacceptance gay men are used to being alone. In such cases when they do get into a relationship, it is sometimes a self centred ones.
- Vulnerability is an important factor in gay relationships. The partners tend to play games with each other so as to make their partner prove their love to them every now and then. This serves to weaken the bong instead of strengthening it.
- The communication with regards to sexual expectations is not really open between gay couples and this results in unfulfilled carnal desires and further leads to a fading interest of partners in each other.
Those who think that same sex romantic desires are sin, they must realise that being straight is their sheer luck. They too might have been born with such sexual orientation. It is therefore good to be less judgmental and respectable to every human being around.
Leaping ahead a mile from our usual subjects of discussions pertaining to marriage and love and romance, we would be taking up something entirely unusual which doesn’t really come with a promise of all the readers finding it too catchy. This would be one sugary article with its centre stage performers as sugar babies, sugar mummies and sugar daddies. Read on to be more than amazed!
While the name might sound really sweet but the entire practice and understanding its origins left me to aghast. Who is a sugar mummy or a sugar daddy or a sugar baby? Why does our society need them? Or does our society really need them? Or is it an open practice or a discreetly carried out ones? Let’s leave no questions unanswered, so here begins a thorough contemplation of the subject:
Understanding The Meaning Of Sugar baby/mummy/daddy
The sugar bowl is not always sweet. For all those who want to know about this concept of hooking or want to jump into one, following are some basic information for the readers and the beginners regarding the same:
- The Sugar Baby is synonymous to being an escort. But the only difference being that you are not necessarily into a physical relation.
- The Sugar Daddy is the older and wealthy loner who hooks up with a much younger lady (sugar baby) to overcome the emotional needs, the need of a companion without commitment, sometimes for the physical needs too. In return these males provide for the financial assistance of their female counterparts or any other needs.
- The Sugar Mummies also known as cougars look for a companionship with younger men in return of filthy wealth they owe. Just like sugar daddies, they seek companions for their various needs.
The sugar babies are just like dream girls/prince for their elder and obscenely rich seekers. But life is not that easy as it might sound to be under the shelter of an overflowing and ever available wealth.
What Leads To Youngsters Becoming Sugar Babies
It’s not always out of choice that a young girl or a young boy diverts and jumps into the sugar bowl. Following are some of the scenarios that turns a man or a woman into a sugar baby:
- Financial Needs- This is one of the most obvious and in maximum cases the reason for youngster seeking a rather easier way. Even though college or school expenditures can be taken care of with some hard work by working part time etc. but seeking a helping hand from a money loaded lavish man or a woman in return to their whole self seems to be an easier solution for the same.
- Lavish Needs- Everyone wishes for a luxurious and bountiful lifestyle replete with extravagant possessions. But not all earn it the hard way. Hooking up with a filthy rich man or a woman who himself/herself is fluttering for a companion sounds like a fun way to some. An easy and exuberant life, lots of travel to various destinations, countless gifts and all in exchange of whole time, some sex and a companionship, some youth wouldn’t really care to give it a second thought!
- Career Opportunities- The fact isn’t hidden that rich men and women are well acquainted with the best who’s who of the society. In building a career these links serve to be an easy step forth and helpful. A young man or woman looking for a fast growth in career might feel more pleasured in hooking up with and get well connected with one such sugar daddy or sugar mummy. It is believed by most of the sugar babies that connections is the best gift a sugar daddy or sugar mummy can possibly bestow a sugar baby with!
- Loneliness- This is one reason that stands common between the sugar babies and their sugar daddies or mummies. Even the younger men or women tend to become a loner owing to relationship abuses or disheartenments. This leads to them accepting a hand or an emotional support whichever way it comes from.
What Leads To Becoming A Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mummy
The relationship which is non committal and is more like a hook up between a younger man/woman with an older and richer man/woman is like a debate or a clash between youth and vigour with maturity and guarantee of a cover and care. Let’s contemplate over the reasons that tends to make a man or a woman sugar daddy or sugar mummy respectively:
- Loneliness- As mentioned above, this is one of the typical reasons between sugar babies and sugar daddies/mummies to be so. In a later age various situations make a man/woman a loner, such as demise of one’s spouse, dissatisfaction etc. that leads them to seek accomplice outside their bounds or their extravagant world. All they wish for is mostly a companion who could be with them and for them whenever they want.
- Boredom- Ennui from the daily lifestyle with responsibilities of family and kids make some men and women frustrated of their monotonous life and all they wish is some moments of freedom from all that they are liable to. A sexual experimentation of inclination outside their relation makes them a seeker for relation outside their marriage or commitment. This thus leads to a secret affair or affairs with younger opposite sex people with their own set of needs.
- Ego Booster- With age comes an increased ego. And this ego becomes a reason for conflicts with a partner of similar age and maturity. When an elder man or woman of an abundant worth forms relations with younger men and women with temporary romantic interests, the relation is a result of their wealth. Thus being mature and having an upper hand due to financial abundance, they get an opportunity to be dictatorial or have an upper hand always. This becomes a way to shed their ego.
Disadvantages of Being In A Sugar (Baby-Daddy/Mummy) Relationship
Whatever be the needs, genuine or dubious, certain or uncertain, the non committal and temporal relations formed between a young man/woman with an older and wealthier counterpart has it’s own pitfalls when it comes to being a part of the society. Even though most of such couples intend to be in secrecy but it’s a small world and such collaborations are not hidden for long from the eyes of the gossip mongers, right? Following are some disadvantages regarding being one of these three sugary selves:
- Societal Unacceptance- An older super rich man walking holding hands with his younger and visibly a partner for needs isn’t accepted in certain societies still. These thus either become the laughing stock in such societies or a dinner table subject for discussion.
- When it’s about sugar babies, where you might have huge allowances, resources too easily accessible for your age and so on, you are out of choice convinced to lead a secretive life. This might make you stand out amongst your peers, which is obviously not for very favourable reasons!
- At some stage during this inconstant and unpledged relation, one of the partners might unnaturally fall for the other where for the other it is a mere agreement of a temporary or a need satisfying companionship. This leads to heart breaks and an emotionally distraught self.
- Another disadvantage for the sugar babies being that they are judged every now and then by their older partners. This comes out naturally due to the older selves being experienced and more mature. The only escape being becoming thick skinned.
- Such relations are made with lack of emotions and zero attachments leaving it to be a merely materialistic relationship of sorts.
- For the sugar daddies and sugar mummies such relations can be a real pocket snatchers. It is obvious that a younger woman looks for deeper pockets in such hook ups and availing them with gifts and resources becomes a daily job for the rich men which financially does tend to become a burden at some point.
- It is a fact worth accepting that such a relation is unmatched and is not tantamount. As a result of which the younger partner has to remain a stone when it comes to being handled insolently. The rules of the relationships are laid down by the older partner.
- For the sugar babies, all sugar daddies aren’t dashing and attractive just as you saw in those movies!
The relationships as discussed above are profane and earthy and have no sentiments attached. It is sometimes due to genuine and unescapable circumstances and mostly due to greed and sensual needs. So if you are planning to be a part of this soup, you got to be firm with certain rules of this section of society.
If reality TV shows are anything to go by, there is no shortage of crime in the world. However, there is also no shortage of love in the world. While it is true that, love triumphs all, it is also true that nothing and no one can escape the law. So, when you are in a relationship with a criminal, how are you going to deal with it?
It isn’t possible to escape the fear that comes with loving a criminal. It is human and natural. For, there is always a danger of your lover turning criminal on you. Is there a way to deal with the fear? Should you be fearful at all?
Well, there are many angles to crime and whether you need to be fearful at all and if you should be dealing with your fear etc. will depend on the kind of criminal you are dealing with. If the problem is psychological and/or emotional, then counselling can help. However, if it is anger, then you should definitely be afraid and have taken precautionary measures already.
Yet, no one is born a criminal and you wouldn’t know what circumstances have turned your partner into a criminal until you were really close. Thus, if you are aware of their situation, try and understand things from their point of view. This way, you will be in better control of things and will feel less vulnerable. Help them to get through their trauma as best as you can. There is little you can do except for standing by them as a firm pillar.
It might feel like too much is expected out of you but then it is oft said that love makes us do things you’d never known you could. So, if you truly love your criminal, give it all it takes. It is going to be a tough journey but if you do make it through, it is going to be well worth it.
Remember even a lawbreaker is a human being and while laws are meant for our protection, they are also meant to be broken. Your love is no child to take decision owing to short temperedness or just for the sake of vengeance. There has to be more to it than what appears on the surface. However, scraping the surface and digging beneath in order to find the facts may not be easy but it may turn out to be a necessity.
Delinquencies have consequences. It could be jail, death or even absconding depending upon the person, the crime and the nature of your relationship. Your lover may or may not choose to inform you about his or her actions and whereabouts and it all depends on whether or not, you want to deal with it. When walking away from a person involved in illegal and scandalous activity, there is also a fear of the person jerking and jolting back at you which could leave you with irreparable scares.
The best of criminals find admirers and so do the worst of them. It isn’t for nothing that villains turn into heroes.
The Holocaust was the most evil crime ever committed. – Stephen Ambrose
Yet, Adolf Hitler has no trouble finding people who look up to him even today. No, your criminal might not be a Hitler but there will be others in his or her circles who will give him or her just as much respect and will look up to him or her. This is plainly going to encourage your partner towards crime. It is up to you to keep him or her away from wicked company. This isn’t going to be easy and you might stand to lose more than you can give away and hence, before things go awry, you have to make your choice about getting involved or staying away.
For, you will not be able to turn away once you have gotten yourself involved into the game. You could make your choices based upon the kind of criminal that your partner is. He or she could have entered the crime world by accident, owing to peer pressure or owing to some kind of helplessness. However, if you do find out that his or her crimes are because of feelings such as jealousy, lust, greed etc. then you’d do good to walk out on them before it’s too late.
Big Crimes and Small Crimes Ought not to be Treated Alike
Another thing that you need to keep in mind is the kind of crime that your so called partner is involved in. It could be petty things like drug abuse or stealing or it could be heinous crimes such as murder and rape. The decision should be clear depending upon the crime but sadly, life isn’t so simple. Your decision will not be based upon just the crime but at the same time, you need to remember you cannot judge your relationship on the basis of the norm.
Crime is a product of social excess. – Vladimir Lenin
It is Abnormal and You Better Accept that
You will have to look beyond the norm because that is exactly where you stand when in love with a criminal. Yes, other factors such as love, respect, loyalty, trust, faith etc. will also come into play but the nature of these will be very different from when you are dating an absolutely normal person. The parameters and methods of judging the relationship will change drastically. However, one of the most important things that you should be taking care of at this point in time is your ownself.
Take Care of Yourself
You could fall victim to a crime, blame could fall upon you when you are absolutely innocent or you could be thought of as someone who was involved in the crime just because you were talking to your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Thus, you have to be an alert on all times because for all you know, you are being entrapped in the web of love and will suddenly be caught unawares. Thus, take care of all these things before you enter into a relationship with someone who is a crook.
Deal, Deal, Deal,
Deal with it all….
You may have to deal with them absconding and in the process abandoning you or taking you away with them while they abscond. All the while, the decision is completely yours and what to do is entirely up to you. Remember this and always have some tricks up your sleeve such as a knife, an app, 911 on speed dial and if possible, a licensed gun. It would also be wise to carry pepper spray because it is more effective and less damaging than a gun.
While it may sound like a fairytale ending to die for love, the reality is grim. You don’t want to pay with your life just for the fact that you fell in love with a certain felon. Hence, the precautions are an absolute necessity.
At the same time, if your partner is in jail, you need to decide whether or not you want to abandon them. Ensure that you inform your partner what your decision is. If you choose to continue dating them and wish to visit them, figure out if they repent their crime at all. For, if you have the slightest of doubt, you’d do well to walk as far away from them as you can because it is going to affect your life in a negative manner in the long run and you don’t want that happening.
Dating a criminal is no easy task and you are trading on thin ice over here. Tread carefully or you will sink in before you have even had time to think. Surely, there are better ways to die and in fact, there are better ways to live. Do yourself a favour and live a good life, with or without your criminal partner. It is your happiness that matters at the end of the day and if you are happy paying with your life, then no one should be stopping you from it.
The worst crime is faking it. – Kurt Cobain
Photo: RubberBall / Alamy
Marital discourses(Breaking Marriage), extra marital affairs(Cheating Partner), break ups (Dealing with public break up) and what not, many common and slightly dark facets of marriage or any romantic relationship (relationship stress) has been brought into light here in various articles. This write up would be dealing with a rather laughter provoking but a very serious subject with regards to any committed relationship. Men with two wives are definitely not extinct. Let’s see what results in such relations and what does such relations conclude into!
The practice of a man having two or more wives is called as polygamy. We would express the other aspects of it as well, but to begin with, let’s take into consideration the aspects of polygamy referring to its religious origins.
Note: The discussion below refers to the religious reference to polygamy with no offences to any religion in particular.
Anthropological Reasons Of Polygamy
The practice of Polygamy is allowed in Islam according to Quran which requires following of some set of rules stated therein, whereas some people of thus religion do not agree with this practice. In America, as per some statistical data, there is a small group of people who practice as well as favour and promote the practice of polygamy. This is a Christian group who favour this as per their misinterpretations of some of the Bible teachings.
The anthropologists suggest the following reasons for this practice of a man marrying more than one wife:
- It is assumed to assure a male child production or a child in the case of a female producing only male child or the barren or biologically infertile females.
- In countries like Brazil and the African countries where the ratio of male is to female is quite unstable, the practice of polygamy is assumed to keep the ‘surplus woman’ in check.
- In some countries in the past, where divorce is prohibited, multiple marriages come into practice.
Facts About Polygamy- (When the number of marriages are recognised)
When a man marries more than one woman, it is usually a sign of his unfaithfulness towards his first wife. Even though it is rarely a subject of casual discussion amongst any age group, still it is given it’s share of thinking discreetly by everyone. These thoughts can vary from being for against the practice of polygamy. Following are some of the facts associated with this:
- In any polygamous relationship if a man commits or promises to marry an other woman, then he cannot make his current marriage as an excuse to save himself from any such commitments. Also, the responsibilities of any number of marriages are same as in any marriage, the financial liabilities, the duties towards the children from all the marriages etc. cannot be avoided whatsoever.
- In countries such as US, UK or Australia where the religion of Christianity is prevalent, statistic shows that more than 50-60 % of the married people have professed to have been indulged in the extra marital affairs. An indulgence into any romantic relationship outside marriage has now turned out to be a reply to the unfaithful or failing marriages today.
- When a man marries more than one woman under the legally acceptable terms, when it is known to all the wives that their husband is related in the same relation with more than one female, the wives can be helpful to each other during the days of pregnancy or familial requirements.
- A major difference between polygamy and extra marital affair is that extra marital affairs are mostly based on sexual fulfilment or attraction whereas polygamy isn’t based on any outside marriage carnal desires. Where this is mostly thought of a practice by men just to satisfy their sexual desires or carnal explorations, it is not true.
The practice of Polygamy is not new to our society or knowledge. On the other hand an astonishing fact is that there is yet another practice called polyandry which stands for the women engaged into more than one marriage. But, this stays as a lesser known and least or least practiced affair.
What Provokes Multiple Marriages?
With every passing day we come across one or the other relationship disaster around us. Every discord has some genuine or ridiculous reasons of its own. In this era of less loyal relationships, more divorces and extra marital affairs, everyone seeks fidelity from his/her partner in marriage or any romantic relationship. But the same lot seeks excitement elsewhere as well at some point of their committed life. Let’s see this and many such reasons which together tend to result in the extra marital affairs of more than one marriages-
- Amusement is the root cause for multiple marriages especially when it’s about the youth of today. The easy way to make personal relationships fun filled and enjoyable remains to be indulgence outside commitment for many people today. No wonder more and more relationships are breaking than mending these days! So the craziness and a wish for excitement is something with result in immediate involvement of a person in romantic involvements outside marriage.
- Ownership is in itself a winsome feeling for many. Owning some person in love thus has its own realisation of more than one possession. A man falling for a woman outside his marriage has a similar kind of idiosyncratic view about himself. In any committed relationship also, where one partner might be in love with his/her counterpart, the latter might be more in a mental satisfaction of owning the former.
- An “unstable in love” person starts yearning for a previously more playful and responsibility free life. The only logical solution to such people whether or not they are in a committed relationship or marriage is to experiment their sexual attraction outside their current relationship. This results in extra marital affairs or a person getting into more than one marriages.
- Sometimes more than one marriage is not the result of a sexual desire outside marriage. It is a requirement of a couple which is mutual. Eg: If a couple have been trying too hard for a baby but some health deficiency of the female counterpart seems to be an issue, then second marriage is often accepted as a solution by a mutual agreement. This is for the situations in which the couple are keen to parent their own child and not an adopted child instead. Such a practice is common and is accepted by a lot of couples today owing to solve their offspring issues.
Disadvantages Or Problems In Polygamy
More than one marriages, whether done for a cause or without any proper reasoning or cause, this practice has its own share of minor or major problems:
- A fact worth contemplation here is the set of next generation that is created from polygamous relationships. A child bears the influence of his/her familial background which is inevitable and obvious. If the bunch of next gen comes from a background that encourages criminal offences then a polygamous marriage in this case serves to be hazardous to the society.
- The financial responsibilities are not a piece of cake. If a man belongs to a financially weaker section then getting involved in more than one marriages for whatever genuine reasons is highly unacceptable. A man is equally responsible to his other wives and respective families as he has been towards the first wife and the first family. There is no escape from those responsibilities as such.
- Your involvement in more than one romantic relationship may pose as a wrong example or teaching for your kids. The sanctity of marriage is never governed by any sexual explorations or any requirements of marrying outside current marriage. Children watching their one or both parents marrying to one or more partners stands as an ethically wrong teaching to them and serves them with a wrong definition of marriage.
- This practice is most of the times less about a carnal satisfaction and more about having a power over more than one person/wife/husband.
- Polygamy or Polyandry becomes socially painful and at times unacceptable. Children from polygamous marriages can become a subject of mockery in the society.
Getting involved in more than one commitment is not always a positive step whether by a man or by a woman. It has its own share of sufferings which can be painful for every single member involved therein. Such decisions which seem to be taken just amongst two people involved romantically is not the truth of the situation. What lies in the dark is the members associated with the three or more partners in talk.
Even though at times this could serve to be a boon for a lady with less resources, that is to say that a woman can receive shelter and an assurance of being a part of the institution of marriage, the obvious negative as well as positive aspects attached herewith cannot be ignored or neglected.
Sex is a core part of any relationship. Even if you are doing great in all aspects but aren’t satisfied in bed, expect your relationship to dwindle at some point in time or the other. However, even great sex can get boring after a while if it is monotonous. While there are ways of adding spice to your sex life, there is a dark and unexplored side of this aspect. A lot of people shy away from trying this one out, an even larger crowd flinches at the very thought of it. But if the success of Fifty Shades of Grey is anything to go by, it is something that attracts a lot of people. So, if people are willing to read it, what is the shame in trying it out?
“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.”
― J..K. Rowling
You don’t have to go full length in order to bring BDSM in your relationship. It is just one of the many ways to entice and pleasure each other and you can choose what you wish to do and what you don’t. If you don’t want to delve deep, you can keep it subtle and still have fun. Here are a few tips and toys that beginners of BDSM can try –
The subtlest of things are handcuffs. Handcuff her or his hands to the bed while you pleasure them. You will feel extremely turned on not being able to touch your partner while you desperately want to. There is no feeling more pleasurable than that one. Hence, handcuffs are a good start just at the beginning of BDSM.
These are as subtle and don’t cause a lot of pain. In fact, if anything they turn you on. Unisexual butt plugs are available at shops that sell sex toys and you can also buy them online very easily. So, go ahead and buy these and see what an immense pleasure you shall feel with them.
This is a very interesting aspect. You don’t always need sex toys or even a bedroom and bed sheets to enjoy sex. When playing the control game, a partner gives the control to the other and the partner under control has to obey everything that is being told to them. This can turn into an extremely fun game if you tell your partner to do some extremely crazy things. Here are a few examples –
- Cooking naked in the kitchen
- Going commando (without underwear) to the shopping mall
- Going bra-less for a jog or walk or whatever
- Sitting or laying absolutely still while you pleasure the person
- Making them to wear something they would never wear otherwise (a short dress, a suit etc.)
Thus, BDSM in subtleties can be a whole lot of fun. You don’t have to go deep and yet, you can enjoy yourself completely. Isn’t it amazing? After all, it is no hidden fact that sex is all about subtleties. When indulging in subtle BDSM, you will be able to explore sweet spots and quite a few arenas of each other that you have never known before.
However, if you two are just starting out on the BDSM thing, there are things that you should keep completely off limits until the 2 of you have gotten a bit comfortable. So, here are those things that you definitely shouldn’t be trying out –
“Turn your wounds into wisdom.”
― Oprah Winfrey
- Ceiling suspension
This is something even those who are heavily into BDSM keep away from. Hence, if you are only just starting out, do not get into it. It will take you a while to get comfortable with something so extreme and in fact, you might never get comfortable with it for all you know. So, it is best that you keep it for later.
- Any kind of extreme BDSM is a thin line between violence and pleasure. Someone who spanks his wife during sex is not a wife beater but someone who beats the shit out of her, is. One needs to be careful and not cross the boundaries. It is normal to be sadist but it is abnormal to be violent. Hence, ensure that you are well within your limits while practicing BDSM.
- Humiliation A lot of people enjoy humiliation during sex but if you are new to this sport, it best be that you keep away from it. You are definitely not going to enjoy it and it is very likely that you will only end up feeling insulted resulting in loss of mood and romance. If you are the one humiliating the other, it can cause you your relationship as no one takes kindly to insults.
- Areas outside the house
In the beginning, keep it to your house only. You don’t know how things will go outside the house. Even when practicing control, try not to do too much of it outside the house because you are comfortable within your own 4 walls but the same cannot be said of the outside. Hence, for the first few times, do it only inside your house and then, slowly you can shift to other, more erotic venues.
- Do not follow porn
While there is no dearth of BDSM porn, it is an extreme that should be kept away from while you are just exploring. It is definitely not going to turn out very well and hence, it is best that you keep away from such stuff. You can get into it a little later after you have gotten comfortable with the concept.
Lastly, it is important to remember that it is not everyone’s cup of tea and if you don’t like it after exploring a bit, then you might as well keep away from it. After all, it is no compulsion to follow BDSM and it is only a way to spice up your bedroom life like many others. You can surely look the other way if BDSM doesn’t fit into your spectrum of fun. However, if you do intend to try BDSM, there are some things that you have to be extremely careful of. For, if you toe the line, things can go awry and ugly, remember ‘Fifty shades of grey’?
Here are those things that you need to be careful of and not toe the line –
There are many forms of hitting such as spanking, flogging, whipping etc. Some people practice all forms while indulging in BDSM and some others keep away from some of the forms. A good idea would be to talk to your partner about their comfort zone before you go ahead and start hitting them left, right and centre. For all you know, it might not turn them on at all and they may not even appreciate it. Thus, talk things out and then indulge into the hitting involved in BDSM.
- The toys It would be wise not to buy extreme toys right at the beginning because you might end up not using them at all. Therefore, once again talk to your partner about what toys you should be using before you go ahead and buy them because that way it will be both convenient as well as economical.
- The Limits and the off limits
Even those who practice BDSM often keep a few things completely off limits and since you are starting off just now, they should be set right away so that there are no problems later on. Anastasia Steel and Christian Grey (from Fifty Shades) enter into a contract but you don’t necessarily have to enter into a contract. You can simply talk about what is comfortable and what isn’t.
Frees us of all the weight and pain of life:
That word is love.”
BDSM is a very complicated and delicate process that in the end gives you pleasure only if you do it correctly. Hence, ensure that you are neither too keen nor deep into it nor too subtle about it. Sooner or later, it will indeed get troublesome and hence, it is best that you talk about it before you enter into it.
“Married women are far more depressed than married men — in unhappy marriages, three times more; and — interestingly — in happy marriages, five times more. In truth, it is men who are thriving in marriage, now as always, and who show symptoms of psychological and physical distress outside it. Not only their emotional well-being but their very lives, some studies say, depend on being married!”
― Dalma Heyn
Something that we all must be well versed with by heart, thanks to our discussions here, is that every relationship has some bouncy patches on its route to togetherness. A lot has been spoken about the best to the worst aspects of any marriage or a long-term committedrelationship. We have even talked about Relationship Stress. This write up would deal slightly with the psychological aspect of the worst situations in any maritalrelationship.
What Causes Depression In Marriage?
Depression itself sounds like some sort of a mental ill health, something incurable. Even if we take that statement into account or acceptance, do we know what leads to a spouse or booth the partners in any marriage being in depression? Let’s find out:
- Expectations- Why is this part always the root cause of almost all the marital issues? Here’s the reasoning. If yours is a love marriage, then you are bound to feel unsatisfied with your relationship. Since courtship period in every couple’s life is full of promises, the latter partner takes those assurances probably way too seriously than what it should deserve. Not that the two people in love are liars or make up promises, it’s merely a phase when the two want to make the marriage or commitment happen in every possible way. As the phase changes post marriage, the two people in marital bliss perhaps begin taking each other for granted. It is a human psychology that post marriage the spouses know that the other person isn’t running away. In this phase shifts, the expectations take a back seat and all that is pondered upon by the two sexes in relationship is how much of their expectations respectively are fulfilled by the other depending upon the prior promises.
- Fadingromance- Love and Romance are the essentials of a good relationship apart from the duo traits of trust and faith between the two people in commitment. We usually tend to blame responsibilities to the fading attraction between a couple post marriage. But this fact isn’t entirely true.
- It may be acceptable to some extent that kids and financial requirements and fulfilments after marriage lead to “no time for love honey!” kind of situations. But if this is the reason, then why do the extra marital affairs happen? Doesn’t romance outside marriage need time and expressions of love and whatsoever? And if that time and love filled expressions can be shown to some third person outside marriage, then why not to your own spouse? This would help to mend the differences as well.
- Secondly, this is the era of internet, chatting, whatsapp, facebook, twitter and a whole bunch of other useless time consuming activities. This might seem a weird point of contemplation especially to the youth, but people, these are those kinds of involvements which soon become addictions without your realisations. In no time, your acquaintances on chat become more important and happening than your partner sitting right besides you!
- Health Issues- These are common as well as mostly disregarded issues when it comes to the reasoning of depression in marriages. A lack of healthy lifestyle, burden of excessive responsibilities on one spouse rather than sharing of duties, hormonal changes etc. In such a case all that is required is a good understanding of the health problems of one spouse by the other.
- Over-Criticism- A little and casual criticism is always welcome amongst couples but too much of nagging and critical takes on everything that he/she does can lead to disturbed mind and thus depression in her/him.
- Dissatisfaction- No one has ever been satisfied in life. The contentment remains a far fetched thought. A constant reminder of your dissatisfactions and vexations to your better half can ruin his/her peace of mind and result in him/her getting depressed.
- A disfigured lifestyle- The financial betterment seems to be the ultimate goal of people today. Whether single or committed, everyone’s lifestyle is a big wreck today. In this fast paced world, time for meditation, outings with beloved or family or friends is nowhere to be seen. This leads to lack of composure in one’s life and hence leads to a much of depressive state at a personal level.
Warning Signs That Your Relationship Is Making You Depressed
When you are in love you tend to bear all the nuisances and tantrums of your beloved. But at times the patience is lost which makes you enraged and depressed all the time. Following are some of the signs which are suggestive of the fact that yours is a relationship that’s making you depressed:
- You feel that he/she dominates you in every single thing. When every act of yours is being watched and criticised and corrected as per his/her requirement regardless of what and how you think of it as, you are in a depressive state.
- “That dress doesn’t suit you” or “What weird hairstyle is that?” etc. are the critical remarks you often come across, then you are probably in a worrisome state. You would also find that such criticism always has the “I” letter in it, how he thinks, how he feels etc.
- Even when at home you feel like being bossed around. He/she wants things done her/his way and it always comes as a command and not as a requesting gesture.
- When he or she tries to have a control over you, whether it’s about taking decisions or about overpowering in bed, you are heading towards depression.
- When your partner unhesitatingly abuses you and poses as “I am always right” kind of an attitude it makes you emotionally downtrodden and low which ultimately leads to your depressive state.
- It’s always “my way or no way” situation of imposing things on you.
- From grocery to cleaning to kids to any other daily chores you seem to be under a potential burden, you are or would soon land up being depressed.
How To Prevent Depression In Marriage Or Committed Relationship
With commitment comes minor or major disagreements and thus some tension creating situations too. Excess of depression can lead to a broken marriage too. But when these situations become a norm and happen almost on a regular basis then they are bound to make the suffering spouse depressed. This calls for the role of the partner to make sure that the depressed spouse is taken good care of. Here are some ways by which you can prevent the situations in which marriage leads to depression:
- Try to be less critical and appreciate his/her activities. More you nag, worst the situation becomes.
- Share responsibilities. There is no harm in doing the laundry job or dropping the kids to school now and then to lighten the burden of responsibilities from her shoulders. If you are the victim in this case, then learn to say no to duties if and when you feel over burdened with those.
- Don’t act a dictator in everything. If you can be solely decisive about things, so can he/she be. Instead of imposing your thoughts and decisions on him/her, start discussing the matters and consider the viewpoints of both of you before deciding onto something. This would also help to kill the emotional distances between you two.
- Your partner’s prolonged depression is likely to make him/her lose temper every now and then or he/she might remain silent with not much reaction towards you. If you wish to mend things then it is advisable to bear with such a behaviour or temperament of your spouse till things are settled.
- Avoid being judgemental about everything. Do not discourage him/her. Your emotional, physical and mental support are the only things that can help your spouse in depression due to previous situations between you two or your insolent acts towards him/her.
Intimacy is vital for a romantic relationship or a marriage. Intimacy doesn’t only stands for being physically close, but it also means to have a certain understanding which brings you both emotionally closer as well. Remember, emotions play a huge role in bringing together of two people and not just the physicalattraction. A marriage doesn’t start with depression. It is the situation that a person knowingly or unknowingly creates for his/her spouse which make the latter more like a slave or a prisoner than a better half. This role of dictatorship in troubled marriages isn’t gender specific, rather it’s men and women both in respective situations.
Even if you feel that remaining silent every time is keeping your spouse’s temper low and arguments at bay, you are not likely to last long neither would your patience. Learn to speak up and remember that there is a huge different between speaking up for yourself and arguing! A happy marriage doesn’t mean zero depression.
“The older you get, the more you understand how your conscience works. The biggest and only critic lives in your perception of people’s perception of you rather than people’s perception of you.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy
So far we have contemplated upon the various issues concerning marriage and committed relationships and the hardships faced by every couple on this path. This article would be dealing extensively with the different types of insecurities in such relationships and how far these insecurities are responsible to play a spoil sport in any marriage or romantic relationship.
Most Common Insecurities In Women
As no relationship is spared from the rough roads, the insecurities are just like the origins of those rough patches. Amazed? Well, diffidence are not really a very common aspect in any romantic relationship but if these are present therein, they remain invisible and so tend to become the very reasons of a marriage or committed relationship hitting the rocks. Let’s ponder over the most common of the insecurities in women in such a relationship and some of these come with a promise of provoking a laughter too-
- Age- True they say that never ask the age of a women, you would either land up with a sore eye or a wrong age! Jokes apart, age really continues to be woman’s worst enemy! Statistics are the proof that women’s web searches are mostly about “anti-ageing and wrinkle lifting” methods! And this one is due to a constantly hitting thought, “Will my man love me the same way even after I look wrinkly and aged?”
- Weight- Talk of the enemies and here pops up the second most detested thing by women. And yes, it does affect their confidence in being in a relationship. If you are a man readin this write up ,then “How many times have you felt attracted towards a fat or an over weight or a healthy looking woman?” and if you are an over-weight woman reading this article, then “How many times have you been rejected in love due to your weight or looks?” or “How does your weight affect your level of confidence?” No doubt the weight loss pills are gaining a good rapport amongst women buyers.
- Sexuality- Every women wants to be attractive and sexually more desirable than any other woman.
- Trust issues- No offense to the fairer sex but just a statement of fact that women are bound to have more trust issues towards their boyfriends or husbands than the other way round. Every relationship starts to become boring or monotonous after certain years of togetherness owing to not one but many common issues prevalent in all marriages. Women are more likely in this respect to think of their partner falling for some one else outside their relationship for his lack of interest in the relationship or marriage.
- The attraction factor- The hair colour, eye colour, looks and a bunch of other such things matter a lot to every woman when it’s about either getting into a new romance or trying to reignite the spark in a marriage.
- Financial Insecurities- This is another most common insecurity faced by the women today. Post commitment or post marriage the money availability or insufficiency creates uncertainties and inhibitions. This definitely hampers the marital life and thus discords and arguments.
- Career- Women are insecure regarding their careers whether it’s before or after marriage. And this point is for those women who have either had a good career before marriage or aspire to make one after marriage or commitment.
- It is very likely that a woman after her first date would expect a call or a plan for another date by her partner. In such a case a lady ends up getting insecure thinking whether the guy she dated is going to contact her or not.
- According to most of the women, all their dates or romantic partner wants from them is physical intimacy! Grow up girls! You can’t always be right!
- Women tend to measure their partners’ interest in them on a beam balance! This lot need some attention.
- Women tend to doubt their own capabilities whether it is about something to please you or it is their performance in bed.
Insecurities In Men In A Relationship
Well if you thought only women have their bags full of insecurities, then here is the set of men’s share-
- Emotional insecurities- Whoever said that women are more emotional than men, need a correction! Statistically speaking, men are more emotional but not a frequent displayer of those emotions. As a result of this they also tend to be emotionally insecure in their relationships which invisibly poisons their togetherness with their partner or wife.
- Physical insecurities- Such an insecurity is very common in men. A disconnection from the outside world and sticking around with his lady all the time is one of the signs of an insecure man.
- If you have had a past relationship, then it is likely that your current partner would remain insecure of your possible affection for your ex flame.
- He would need a validation of your love for him every now a then and especially when he expresses his love for you.
- Have you been talking to your male friends? If your husband is one insecure person, in which there seems nothing wrong as such, his constant disapproval of your any such connections whatsoever shows his jealousy towards you.
Signs That You Are In Relation With An Insecure Partner
As mentioned above, the insecurities are a part of any committed relationships just like the disagreements and minor/major arguments. But these remain invisible and unknown despite of their capability to ruin a relationship with its trust factors. Following are some of the signs indicative of your marriage or relationship heading towards being one filled with insecurities:
- Your partner has cut himself/herself from the rest of the world, has no social circle and prefers spending most of the time of the day clinging to you.
- The public display of affection has increased.
- People who are jealous in their relationship tend to play games in their relation as a way to test their partner’s affection or love or commitment towards them. Eg: sometimes such insecure partners fake breaking up with their counterparts.
- If he/she is insecure in the relationship, you would find him/her talking about the heart breaking situations of his/her past affairs seeking your emotional support and a sort of sympathetic support from you.
- An insecure partner would just don’t get tired of expressing his/her fondness and intense feelings for you and would expect an equally affectionate expressions of love from you too in return.
- To know your level of commitment your insecure partner would often try to make you jealous by showing his/her fondness for someone outside your relationship.
- She would always have this thought that every other women out there is scheming to steal you away from her.
- He/she wants to know your whereabouts every second of the day.
- He/she goes through your phone, chats, internet surfing history, call logs and all the other possible ‘detective’ activities.
- He/she make a mountain out of a mole hill. Eg: You fail to reply a text message, and he/she drives you crazy with questions!
- He/she is always apologising for every little thing in order to make sure that you don’t get angry or frustrated over some issue however irrelevant or minor it might be.
- The insecure partners lack confidence and are always defensive about themselves whatever the situation might be.
- If you have an insecure partner then you would find him/her constantly expect you to ask for their approval before you do anything or talk to anyone.
- If he/she is insecure, you would find him/her distrusting the intentions of every outside person you talk to especially if he/she is of an opposite sex.
The conclusion that can be drawn out of the above discussion is that your relationship might be the real good one with you two as the most compatible couple, but anything crossing its bounds result in problems and when it’s about the relationships then over expressions of feelings or over dependence on the partner or over defensive behaviour always becomes the root cause of a future unseen conflict or discord in your current smooth romantic relationship.
A committed relationship grows to be strong with trust and faith in each other. Avoid going over board with sentiments and thus save yourself from any future issues or heartbreaks.
“I’m interested in the fact that the less secure a man is, the more likely he is to have extreme prejudice.”
― Clint Eastwood
“I have known many happy marriages, but never a compatible one. The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. For a man and a woman, as such, are incompatible.”
― G.K. Chesterton
Marriage, whether love or arranged, is a path full of mixed situations, arguments and dissents. Not always smooth and velvety, this road to togetherness is ruled by one big factor, compatibility. Many issues regarding marriage and committed relationships have been discussed before in our write ups. It’s time to see how compatibility works in a marriage and whether or not it has some say in betterment of any romantic relationship or marriage.
What Is Compatibility?
When two people decide to come together in a union of commitment, an array of factors judge their being in the relation. Compatibility is one of these. Being compatible means an ability of the two people cohabiting in a marital bond or relationship with least conflicts or disagreements. The lack of understanding and increased disagreements often are suggestive of a couple being incompatible together. Three essential compatibilities for a couple are
The Most Critical Areas To Evaluate Regarding Compatibility
If you are planning to commit into a serious relationship or marriage then it is wise to check how compatible you both are together. Even though the couples themselves rarely think of the compatibility especially when the marriage is out of love, but the compatibility factors are taken into account by the families, especially when it is an arranged marriage. Let us learn the evaluation worthy areas when it’s about the compatibility between two people stepping into a committed relationship:
Spiritual Interests- You might be an aesthetic while your partner might not be or it could be the other way round too. In some cases your family and you might be of certain religious faith while his/her family of some other! What is necessary for consideration here is how far you both are going to be supportive of each other’s spiritual faiths. Will there be impositions from your side or from his/her side regarding changing faiths or adopting the new one’s? This might sound a petty issue but when it’s about religion and spirituality, what faith means to you, it means as much to him/her or probably nothing to him/her. In the later scenario what is worth considering is will he/she let you practice your spiritual interests after marriage or would these interests be mocked at by him/her since he/she doesn’t have it?
Values and Interests- You two are two different people and it is obvious that you share some different interests too. Even if you two feel that you are quite like each other, there still remain some ignored areas of diverse interests. It is undoubtedly more fun to marry someone with some different regards, varied engrossment so as to make your future relationship less monotonous. But acceptation of those convictions and preferences should be discussed beforehand. Eg: Where you might be a solitude lover, he/she might be a social animal; you might be a spendthrift or shopaholic while he/she might be a budget freak! What you need to ask yourself is, “Will I be able to go on forever with these differences or is it just a momentary excitement which might turn irritating in the long run?”
Children- Now this one is actually a very crucial part. Are you two willing to have children in future? Or is it only you while he/she has the preference for a less complicated or less responsible life? This might not be that difficult since it’s either a yes or a no for future family extension. But what are your views when it’s about the discipline of your children? It might sound too early to be speaking about how you would be handling your children, but it still bears its vitality. Amongst the mother and the father, one of the parent might find punishing the children as a good way of disciplining them whenever they do something wrong, but this might not be acceptable by another parent. The other parent on the contrary might find a verbal lecture or a politer manner to teach his/her kids the right and the wrongs. Where do you two stand in this respect? Similar or entirely dissimilar attitudes?
Financial Responsibilities- The financial obligations play an important role in any committed relationship. Different features of this are:
Is your partner financially well off and settled so as to be able to take the responsibility of a family with you?
If you wish to pursue your career post marriage as well as be of some financial assistance to both of you, would he/she be accepting that?
A bitter truth of some marriages is the wife not being provided with enough finances or being ruled financially. This aspect is existent in best of the financially good families. Consider your options for clarifying things before! Money is not always a matter of shopping for women as is usually perceived by the other sex. So ladies, this point is worth contemplation for you. Financial considerations are not ‘cheap’, they are necessary!
Roles and responsibilities- Gone are the days when certain jobs were specific to men or women respectively. Would you two prefer to go by the trend of the grandma days or rather opt for sharing and dividing the responsibilities. Eg: Doing an outside job like car repairs or grocers’ isn’t essentially a man’s job! Similarly, cooking or doing laundry doesn’t come with a tag of ‘women only’ written on it!
Third Party Role- Like every healthy romantic relationship or marriage, yours too would be full of minor or at times major arguments or disagreements. Do you think you two are capable of resolving your conflicts together within the walls or would you consider involving some third person in resolving your problems? Where you might prefer the former, your partner might be of a latter view. In such a situation you must reconsider getting into the marital bliss. In such cases, one of the partners tend to reveal the personal issues to a third person for emotional support rather than opting to look into the resolution within the relation. This is most likely to cause confrontations, dislikes, disagreements and thus serious arguments!
Individual Aspects- Every person as a different individuality, different character and nature and varied behaviour as well. These are well understood and acceptable facts. But what is worth contemplation here is how far would you be able to bear some really weird habits of your partner such as, he/she doesn’t give importance to hygiene and cleanliness as you do, he/she constantly bites nails which you find extremely filthy but he/she doesn’t seem to bother to change etc.
How To Ensure A Happy Marriage?
Every marriage no matter how compatible suffer its share of marital issues or discords and every couple wish for their marriage to be the uniquely happiest one. Well, following are some important ways to make sure that your marriage undergoes less arguments and is a smooth affair–
You both are spouses, but what you need to keep alive between you two is the essence of friendship. The closeness initiated by friendship also helps in resolving the minor or even major marital conflicts since the two people in the relationship feel free to openly discuss their person viewpoint with each other.
Emotional intimacy is as important as physical. Understand each other’s joys and sorrows and be a constant shoulder in the times of grief.
Sexual satisfaction is equally mandatory in any romantic commitment. Surprise each other just like your courtship days or initial days of marriage. Never let your fondness for each other fade away with time.
Learn to share the responsibilities instead of letting him/her get tired of his/her excessive duties.
Admire and appreciate each other for what you both are instead of imposing some changes on him/her. Be encouraging when it’s about his/her goals and aims. Never make each other a subject of mockery.
The discussion today has seen much of the compatibility areas ignorance of which is bound to affect a marriage. No wonder post marriage things can be resolved wisely. The write up in no ways discourages you from marrying the person of your interest or liking, all it guides you is towards the facts that we tend to neglect knowingly or unknowingly! So isn’t it wise to consider some factors beforehand instead of shedding tears of repentance later?
“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.”
― Leo Tolstoy