~*~ You Are Truly Loved ~*~
I’m completely and utterly confused. I’m an Aries with a touch of Pisces influence. I was born on the 24th. I’ve never been in a relationship with a Capricorn before and I honestly don’t know how to make heads or tails of him. I’ve always been the type who wears my heart on my sleeve and I try and can usually figure out someone else’s feelings. Until this. Just when I think I’m starting to figure him out, it’s a total U turn and I’m left wondering WTF? Anyway…this is the situation. We’ve known eachother for about 5 yrs..just a casual friendship, mutual respect for eachother…we’ve always talked and gotten along, but nothing deep. When we first met, it was pretty much lust at first sight with me and the feelings have just grown the more we’ve talked. He’s going through a divorce(his wife cheated) and a few months ago, I got a wee bit tipsy and confessed my attraction for him. I’ve never had casual sex before and had it been anyone else, I would’nt have this time either. Anyway, we sort of started out like friends with benefits, but as time has went on, we’ve talked more and more about our relationships with others, family, etc. The sex is AMAZING. I tell him what turns me on and he does it without fail. However he never tells me what he likes, not even when I ask. I just have to stumble upon it and then once I do he’ll reluctantly admit to it. Otherwise his answer is always “I don’t know”. It’s this way with everything, right down to what his favorite color is. He’s told me when I’ve asked why he is so reserved that he’s just afraid of getting hurt, yet when I point out someone’s favorite color has nothing to do with that, he just laughs and says “I don’t know”. I’m always asking him random questions and have asked him if it annoys him and he laughs and says no, but yet will never answer them. lol He sets it up for me to praise him in some way(usually about sex of course) saying something like “I know it wasn’t that good” which of course I’m honest and say how wonderful it was. However when I try to do the same, he just laughs and never answers or compliments. Yet will tell me this random girl is hot, that girl is sexy. Drives me crazy. Only recently after hint, question and tactic did he finally tell me what he thinks my favorite feature is and tell me that I’m the best he’s ever been with. When I asked him what his favorite thing is that I do for him, he said “Listen”. I thought that was pretty sweet. Before sex and during sex, things are sizzling and he’s so attentive. Stares deep into my eyes and once at the end of it, he kissed my lips, then forehead. But as soon as he pulls away, it’s awkward and he acts as if he barely knows me, so I leave feeling confused. Unless I talk to him(I feel like it’s more bugging him) he will go days/weeks without speaking to me. One day he’ll have a burst of flirtation and chasing me, then next minute, nothing. Recently he told me how he told his wife she should cheat on her boyfriend with him, since she’d cheated on him with the bf. I laughed, but it kind of hurt. Yet part of me could see why he would say that, since he’s still angry and hurting over it. But it just adds to my confusion as to what exactly am I to him. Maybe I’m reading more into everything than what there has ever been. Maybe it’s always just been friends with benefits, but I wanted to believe more. But then there are moments, that I think there is something more than that. I don’t know. If anyone can enlighten me I’d really appreciate it. Not sure I’d want to give up the sex just yet, because it’s the best I’ve ever had, but maybe I could throw up the same walls he’s got if I don’t think there’s a shot this could be more.
From reading your story and your situation with your friend, I think you need to back up just a bit when it comes to this guy. By the sounds of it, your relationship has not been made official that the two of you are dating and it does appear to me that your relationship with him is “friends with benefits”.
Sex is a very beautiful and intimate act between two people and having sex on a regular basis with your friends can complicate the relationship, for the very fact of what is happening to you right now. You are becoming much more closer to him, wanting or yearning for much more than what he can actually give or promise you.
Personally, if I was in your situation, I would feel used. It sounds like you are his “booty call” whenever he needs it. If he cared about you in the way you are looking for, he would not make mention about how hot other girls are and wanting to cheat with his ex, to really get back at this guy that took her away from him. Guys do look at other women. That’s only natural. Women sometimes tend to do the same as well.
The thing I would like to ask you Firestorm is, how long are you going to endure this agony, and wouldn’t you be happier with someone who will treat you with respect and dignity as a woman and fulfill your needs in everyway?
Some men are just naturally very gifted sex partners, but if that is all they have to offer, in my opinion, I would not stick around much longer. Don’t get me wrong, I love sexual intimacy and making love, but after the honeymoon phase in the relationship, the sex tends to become less.
Maybe if there is a gentleman in the forum, maybe they could shed some light on the subject of your friends behavior. Take care!
Blessings to you!
Thank you for the advice Gabriella. *HUGS* I’m thinking you might be right. I’ve never done the friends with benefits kind of thing…so really not sure how it goes and I don’t think my heart is built for it. :/ I’ve been reading how Capis can sometimes do the detachment thing when they’re conflicted about their feelings, so wasn’t sure if that was the reason or the typical just being used bs.
Thankyou for the hug! Sometimes it is nice to see an outside opinion on a situation that is going on in our lives. It’s nice to be open and loving towards others, but sometimes some individuals will take advantage of that kindness and generosity.
Having healthy boundaries in our relationships is very imortant so that some individuals do not violate our boundaries.
Take care of yourself! I pray that the angels guide and protect you wherever you go.
Firestorm, yeah, sounds as though he is still in conflict and hurting over his wife. That’s why he can’t give himself to you completely. If I were in your shoes, I’d turn the tables. Tell him about a good lookin guy you came across, and begin to show less interest in him, or quit talking to him completely.
He’ll either come running to you or he won’t (my guess is he will), but accept it either way.
Good luck from a Virgo male…
Blessings to you as well Gabriella!
Chibbers~ Thank you so much for your point of view…not only as a male, but a Virgo too. I am going to take your advice and hope for the best but prepare for the worse. Hopefully you’re right and he’ll come running, but if not, then I’ll know it either was never meant to be, or just not meant to be right now. Thank you! *HUGS*