In our previous article we had discussed about the crucial role that money plays in binding as well as destroying of a relationship. The write up here would consider the positive and the negative role of career in any committed relationship.
How Woman’s/Man’s Career Affects A Relationship:
A fact that leaves most of us wondering is that when career with respect to relationships is being spoken about, why do the fingers raise in particular upon the female partners who are either pursuing some career post commitment or aspire to pursue their career aims! If contemplated without the sudden “gender equality” and “gender discrimination” thoughts, woman being in career is not a taboo or something unacceptable, but too much of an involvement in it can result in adversely affecting a relationship. Let us see how:
Ego clashes- This is the most common issue which is not recognised though, but remains the centre of an argument between a working couple. Eg: it might have to do with you earning less than your wife or you expecting an equal financial assistance from your wife in getting the finances better but your wife not thinking on same terms etc. In this section of career restraints in any relationship the claims that worsens the situation are when the lady emphasises on her being the earner too. It thus becomes the ego clash with egoistic approach on both the parts simultaneously, i.e. the man expressing his disagreement towards his partner’s job and on the other hand the woman expressing what all she is gaining out of the job!
It is obvious that at some stage of your committed relationship or marriage you would plan to have kids. From bearing to raising up, kids are a huge responsibility which requires a lot of time and attention and focus. It may be a sort of a craze now a days to assume or suggest that fathers share the same amount of responsibility as the mothers towards their children, but the truth remains that a major part of this responsibility remains in a mother’s court. When put on a beam balance, this responsibility scores over career.
As an extended argument to the above aspect, there are two cases, when the mother is not required to earn but earns to achieve her goals and secondly when to meet the basic financial requirements it is mandatory for both the partners to earn. In both the scenarios though kids remain an utmost duty. Not being able to fulfil this duty results in dissatisfaction and arguments between a couple and thus further leads to strains in the marriage or relationship.
Being a part of the contemporary corporate world is not easy. It requires time and efforts to keep a good rapport at work. A working pattern where the working hours end at office is just for the sake of saying as now a days the technological advancements have made it a 24 hours working pattern. As a result of this a large amount of time meant for the betterment of personal relationship is given to the career and work. This changes the personal priorities from relationship and partner to work and career which together puts an adverse effect on a relationship.
Considering the pre commitment scenario, it has been seen that the couples who have been seeing each other since a long time gets stuck at the question of commitment. Not that they don’t wish to commit but the importance of career takes over the importance of being together. Following might be one of the situations in this case:
Man wishing to pursue career in some other city while woman wishing to stay put in the same city.
Woman wishing to excel in career by shifting elsewhere but the man’s career not matching up with his partner’s schedule. Togetherness in future becomes a considerable issue thereby putting a prospective marriage ending at courtship.
Man disagreeing with his partner’s wish to pursue a career post commitment results in differences between the two resulting in break up.
A situation where insecurity builds up is the worst case scenario in any relationship. Career is one aspect which encourages this feeling of insecurity in both men and women. Eg: You feel uncomfortable with the thought of your wife working in the company of other men at her work place. This is called being insecure and I am pretty sure that most of you might have come across that feeling. In extreme cases, these give rise to unjustified lack of trust and thus becomes a big enough reason to shake your relationship from its roots.
Making a career and achieving the goals is everyone’s right to self whether a man or a woman but post commitment the variations in priorities is obvious due to added responsibilities. It’s no more a bachelor’s life for either partner which is in the contemporary era not readily recognised by the people. This is to say that certain jobs and duties are gender specific and do not require the gender bias yapping all the time. So be it men or women, they need to understand that at some point there are compromises demanded from career point of view as well. Be it from a woman temporarily getting on with a lighter career prospect or a man giving up on too much of work so as to give quality time to his family.
Advantages Of Being A Working Woman
Enough discussed primarily about the restraining factors in a marriage with regards to career, let’s see how career building post commitment and children is advantageous to women who remain to be the start focus when it’s the discussion of career and relationship anywhere:
A woman gets to be financially independent. It is normal in many relationships that a man confronts his wife about the bills or the expenditure which obviously seems offensive to the latter. Sometimes these financial confrontations are right but sometimes these are unjustified. In such a case earning or working become a requirement or a way to financial freedom.
Ennui is a common thing that all the house wives come across. The usual monotonous routine sometimes set the nerves throbbing with boredom. The working lifestyle and getting to know new people daily sounds attractive and becomes a way to kill the boredom.
It is a fact noticed by many women and confessed too that those who earn money and have a certain position at the work place earn self respect in the personal life too. So in a way, it acts as a morale booster for many women. This further adds to their confidence.
A woman can contribute to societal betterment through her career by enlightening the positive aspects of working to the other women.
Disadvantages Of Working Women
As always nothing comes without two sides or aspects and therefore a women working or building career post commitment or family has its own disadvantages which cannot be ignored as such:
Taking up the responsibilities of house as well as work becomes truly exhausting and results in bad health and a bad temperament too. It is not with all families that the husband or the male partner assists with the household chores and in such cases the entire domestic responsibility falls on the shoulders of the woman alone.
Most of the time, the familial responsibilities get ignored due to commitments and liabilities at work and compromising at household and family seems an easier option than compromising at work with seniors or giving up work on a temporary basis for the betterment of family.
Due to the entire time given to work and family, an isolation from rest of the society is obvious. This leaves the entangled women with no or very little acquaintances or social circle.
The family life is usually distressed due to multiple factors involving insufficient time given to the husband or partner resulting in distances between the two. This further results in the personal relationship going sour and hampering the understanding between the committed partners. In worst cases, career has been a reason for a divorce or ending of a relationship whether years old or new.
Building a career and fulfilling the dreams by achieving planned goals is not wrong. But everything suits well at certain age and time. You might be over boosting yourself with the “equal rights” debate, but if something affects your relationship and family at a stage when family stands more important, a little sacrifice might just save many hearts from breaking.