My love and I had a too-hot-to-handle secret relationship for a few years, but due to the secrecy we were greatly held back, only being friends and passionately intimate from time to time. Neither of us were with anyone else during this time, despite many oppurtunities, waiting for when it did not have to be a secret anymore (nothing illegal or innappropriate behind the secrecy). What happened was a series of very unfortuatne misunderstandings, miscommunications, and immaturity that lead to hurt, withdrawal, and both thinking the other rejected them – which was not true on either side. After some time, he started dating someone else and after several months of this, it was clear that despite this he had deeply strong feelings and attractions to me, and I finally realized he was very hurt and angry, not uncaring at all. It might have been a happy ending when I told him I always loved him but thought he was using me, except I was soon to be leaving the country for at least a year and he was also moving to another city. His pushy current girlfriend followed, and even though he told her that he wanted seperate apartments she is living with him. He was literally visibly shaken when I told him of our tragic misunderstanging and looked heartbroken and physically ill the following day. Now I know that we had great love between us and even several months of him nearly living with someone else (again, she practically moved herself in) did not diminish his deep attraction to me, physical, romantic, and platonic. What can I do? He won’t talk to me, and his current gf invades his privacy and screams for hours when she sees coorespondance (she is not stupid and has also seen how he still feels about me). Most likely he does not know how to get out of the current situation. Neither do I. When will we be together agian?
Are you actually ready to have him back? I don’t think so.
It is very likely that whatever happened in the past will repeat itself, for simple reasons –
a) Hurt and painful memories of past will haunt three of you and create more problems.
b) You two haven’t learned new skills to handle problems, confusions and unpredictable situations that might arise in future.
The best you can do right now is focus on your health and relax to bring back joy and peace. Actually all three of you need to learn some relaxation techniques which will help heal painful memories of past and make it much easier to make desirable changes.