Do any of you know the waiting game?
You basically wait for your prince charming to sweep you off your feet,
You give up relationships that doesnt have the IT factor for the promise of a relationship with the EXtra factor .. In my case I am losing all hope.
At a time I thought I was born to this world to love, yes, my life as a child never meant anyhting to me, my life started when my heart ticked out of order when I was just 15 years old, I am a Pisces and I fell in love with my highschool sweetheart who was a Capricorn, years and years have passed us and we were strong, our love is just bigger than things in this world. I was a creature made to love one man and I did with all my heart I gave him enough love to warm up the world for years and years, I couldnt of imagined a world without him, he was the ultimate perfection, he was what I want, need and ever dreamed of.
Have you ever let your mind wonder in space? I used to envy the empty space around him touching him at ease, I woke up at nights to stare at him to memorize him, I had this thought that someone like him can not be real that I needed to keep him safe in my mind, his little details, the lines of his face, his long fingers, I stored all them details while he was a sleep next to me only to wake up and hold me so tight I forget my fears.
He died, and I am not going through this story but I was 20 years old and I died with him, I lost joy, things can not be pleasurable any more, gold have lost its shine in my eyes, nothing sparkle any more, life was waking up in the morning, filling the hours during the day with any mind numbing activity (including using all sort of drugs) then falling a sleep at night only to wake up the next day with one hope only to go through the day and go back to bed hoping fr nice glimpse of dreams.
Years have gone by, I am not hurting any more, I healed, I can smile and enjoy life, I enjoy my friends, family and doing my hobbies but yet i am so lonely, I feel like a stranger between everyone everywhere, this feeling have never gone away, I dont feel familier to anything or anyone I do not feel attached to anything or to anyone, everything have become so unrecognizable to me to leave new memories in my mind,.
I miss being in love, feeling like I really know someone and someone really knows me, I want to be in love.
I will be devoted, honest and I will make the person I love the happiest man alive yet …
There is a fair No of men who like me enough to want a relationship but what about me..
how I feel toward them, nothing.
The latest man is a very handsome football player, very sweet and decent, the kind of guys will pull the chair out for you and open the car door for you, all my friends are gagging asking me about him all the time, trying to get me to go out with him was a mession.
We went on a date, was lovely enough then I felt bored and I wasnt enjoying my time so i walked up and left him, so simple really, why do I have to waste time on the wrong guy??
so I dont date any more cause I look to them and feel like I can not relate top any guy..
So, how to trick my self into falling in love???
unless Cupid out there see my soul wondring in the space alone and decide to step in and do his work of finding my other half , the only one for me and the one I am made for .. I will be here living like the rest of the world. in silent