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Why am I doing this?

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    Veratyr
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    I am a Taurus male, she is a Pisces female. We have known eachother for a very long time. Best friends since the 6th grade. I realized in High School that I loved her. Now, I’m not talking that kind of “school crush” stuff, I mean what I say. After we graduated, she disappeared for 2 years, and came back into my life for a single day, then it was another 2 years, and we’ve picked up right where we left off it seems. We have been spending time together lately, and, much to my dismay, she is trying to work things out with her bf (also the father of her child). It pains me to know that I can’t have her, but I can’t help but stare in awe at her every chance I get. We both have verbalized the sparks we feel when around eachother, but I can’t act upon them knowing she has the intentions of, and currently is, trying to fix what she has. Loyalty is, of course, a big thing to me, and I can’t bring myself to knowingly jeapordize her morals as well….but I want to. The one person I truely want in my life. The one I want to be with. She has been the one for going on 16 years now, and I just don’t know what to do. I’d give anything to see her happy, to see her smile. I’m so torn on what to do. I want her, not in the materialistic way, but in the way that I can wipe away her tears, hold her when she is scared, splash her with water as we do the dishes….the good stuff. I want to be hers, but it seems like someone else has that position. I am finding it increasingly hard to be her friend, not due to jealousy, but because I just can’t seem to restrain my flirtatious nature when I am around her. It isn’t lust, I know what that’s like, but…help me..please… 🙁

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