Understanding Hate, Revenge and Aggression in Relationships

Hate/ Revenge

Negativity destroys spirituality and affects our emotional as well as physical state. If we harbor such feelings then we can never lead our life contentedly. It is therefore of utmost importance to be aware of such destructive ideas in us and to cure them such that they help us lead our life profitably. Hatred falls in the category of such strong destructive emotions. It reflects the symptom of the vigor of the individual. And the important point is that it cannot be concealed, and if we attempt to do so, then we pay for it. The hate within us is a sign of the sufferings and miseries that we have gone through; also it reflects the inner strength of the person, his principles and his kindliness. Hatred is an assertive emotion that is deeply intense which is used in numerous contexts.

The most destructive thing about this emotion is that it is not transient or short lived unlike other emotions. Instead it may grow with time. However many a time is fades with time or say is suppressed rather, but as the consequence of current emotional state it may burst out once again only to grow larger than before. Several psychologists categorize hatred to be a disposition because of it’s near to stable nature rather than being a transient emotional condition. Although we cannot classify it to be an inherent phenomena since no one is born with emotion, it develops gradually because of the upbringing of the child or because of the circumstances.

Hatred can be unconscious or conscious. We call hatred to be unconscious when we do not really know the exact reason of the hatred within us and therefore we hate everyone, every passing person, in spite of being aware of the fact that the person or the group has not caused any trouble to us. This kind of hatred is when the reason of it lies in our subconscious mind. Since we cannot read our subconscious mind while we are in our senses therefore the exact cause of this hatred is quite difficult to trace. But we can always feel this hatred because it is there within us. An example of it could be a child who was grown up being neglected throughout this childhood because his parents were always busy earning money. This is when the child starts feeling the hatred for his parents and he carries his hatred throughout his life, sometimes without the knowing the cause of it. Unconscious hatred is not only disastrous for the person who hates but also for the person or people being hated since they suffer the miseries of something that they have not done.

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There are numerous people who cite the stories of their childhood narrating the beatings that they got their parents for their mistakes. They say that feel thankful towards their parents for what they did to them and that what they are today is because of all those beatings. But it is noticed that such parents observe the same kind of behavior towards their children as well. This is because unknowingly he retaliates towards the miseries of his childhood. This is because he has superficially forgiven his parents but is unaware of his hatred that lied deep within. This superficial forgiveness can easily turn back to take its original form in appropriate conditions of present. We call this form of hatred also unconscious hatred because here we are not aware of the hatred within us. We are under the impression that we have forgiven, that we do not hate but in actuality we do. Also it is directed at the substitute figures in place of the one who caused.

Conscious hatred is one in which we are completely aware of the cause of our hatred. If we take the same example as stated earlier, if the child grows up facing the same problem and is completely aware of the ignorance from which he suffered in his childhood then we call it an apparent form of hatred that is conscious hatred. It happens because the child here faced up to the cause of its hatred instead suppressing it within. This form of hatred though is dangerous but not as critical as the one discussed above since we then realize the cause of it then it is directed towards anyone else since it is analytical retaliation of the circumstances that caused the hatred to take birth. Such outcomes can be fully perceived by adults only.

Apart from these two types of hatred there is also a third form of hatred called the vindicated hatred that persists in present for a person who caused it in present by perturbing us either mentally, emotionally or physically. This is also a conscious form of hatred in which we are fully aware of the cause of hatred as well as of the person whom we hate.

Many a time we make the use of the word ‘hate’, without realizing the depth of this word and the strong emotions that are attached to it. We do not intentionally mean to use it instead we do not realize the extremity to which we have gone. The most appropriate word to be used in place is ‘dislike’ instead. Hate is something that can only be felt from heart instead of logically analyzing the situation and reaching the conclusion since emotions are not dealt from mind. It is a game of heart. Disliking someone means that you don’t like that person while hating someone means that you don’t love that person. While disliking is somewhat optimistic since we can hope to move towards the other end. On contrary, hate is an extreme pessimistic word. You cannot really hope to cover the long distance such that you even reach to the extent of disliking that person.

We hate because we choose to hate since we find this as an easy alternative to deal with our problems without realizing the fact that if we hate someone we become his object and he becomes our master. We would think about him day and night and find ways to hurt him or to insult him thus becoming unaware of ourselves. It is an incorrect attribute of blaming. We resort to this way because we wish to hold our self esteem high and blaming other for our miseries is the easiest thing to do so. The foundation of this analytical reasoning is the myth of us being right all time and of others being wrong and the reason of our miseries.

While in the case of unconscious hatred we feel great pleasure and sense of increased self worth by making comparisons with a specific person or a group of people (chosen intentionally or unintentionally). This is because the psychological ache within us persuade do so to remove the cause of our ache or run away from it. Sometimes the panic and pressure within us can persuade us to resort to false primeval thoughts which are based upon the myths of contradictory thinking.

If we hate, we cannot be happy nor can be the people whom we hate. The demerits of hatred are clearly stated in the history of fighters and pious fundamentalists. Autocrats and despots, authoritarians and dominating sections of subjugations have been making our lives dreadful since centuries ago. They have also been the reason for the immigration, migration and reinventions of thousands of people around the world. By clear examination of feeling of hatred within us we will realize that they arise because we fell we are being ill treated especially from people who are close to us and from whom we expected better.

As an outcome of this hatred within us we transform ourselves into quite unpleasant personality. And the worst outcome of it is noticed when we feel extreme hatred towards someone and it causes the most active and reactive part of our brain, the one that differentiates between the right and wrong, the one that differentiates between the immediate and lasting effects of this hatred, to become dormant. It makes that person manic and the person can think of nothing else except of harming the other person.

Hate is such an intense emotion that one cannot really do anything about it. This is because if try to correct something we do not like or something we hate. Therefore the more we think about our hatred the more are we getting into it that is deeper the emotion grows within us. This becomes a vicious circle which is quite impossible to break. The more you fight the more the illness grows. So instead to fighting against it just stay conscious about it. To escape from anything is cowardice. Finding a solution for it is to escape from it. If we feel hatred and you resort to methods for removing it then your focus has shifted from your hatred to the solutions for its removal. Therefore your awareness about its ugliness is misled and you modify your perception about it.

Whenever you feel that there is hatred within you, just face the fact, feel the ugly face of it, analyze the amount of poison it spreads within you. Analyzing it in itself is the solution in fact a complete solution because it is then removed from its roots. It is very natural reaction of our mind. As an instance if we notice a snake passing by our path, the instant reaction of ours is to reach a safe place and we run. This running away is not caused by our deep thinking but an instant reaction which is perfect for the situation. Similar is the case with hatred when we have analyzed our hatred there is an instant reaction that causes its removal which again is perfect at the moment.

The awareness here is like a meditation; here we are meditating about our weaknesses. Meditation allows us to reach at the root cause of the problem. The problem is not about hate within us because there cannot be two people at a time there can only be one either it is hatred or it is you. When you feel hatred you become hate it is like hate dissolves you into yourself. Through meditation you fall into the difficulty existentially and understand the existence of the hatred. Meditation allows you to understand that in presence of hatred you lose yourself. This causes a subtle transition in you. And you start realizing the difference between you existence and that of hatred which is followed by the emergence of your conscious. And once you are completely conscious about you being dissolved in hatred, the hate start dissolving within you. This will part you from your hatred and you can think about it in contemplative manner. This hatred is now a part of your memory and can be parted from your memory easily.

Best part of this therapy is that you can do it anytime you feel it. There is no time constraint there is no place constraint. It is never too early, it is never too late. It is completely depends upon your acceptance and your willingness. Sooner is always better but that does not make later to be bad. Life too short to regret later so follow it the day there is a realization. Also it cannot be achieved within a day it requires a lot of patience, practice and will power but even a mountain is too small in front great spirits.

All negativity in this world lacks a firm foundation. They may be powerful, even powerful than the good within you but they quickly collapse when the light of truth fall upon them. They mainly arise from ignorance of an individual. The fundamental character of consciousness is always unbiased. Therefore all such negativity can be easily eliminated. This fundamental character is called the characteristic of Buddha. There is no end to consciousness and therefore we can be sure of it.



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