Understanding Jealousy in Relationships – Causes, Problems, Overcoming Techniques and Advice


The dictionary meaning of jealousy is an emotion that a person experiences after the loss of a desired thing or a thing that he already possessed. That is, it is a feeling that lies second to an unexpected incident due to the loss of an obsession. It is the result of various other emotions that floods within a person such as anguish, hatred, fury, annoyance and many more. This provides us a superficial idea of the jealousy, but leaves the deep ocean of this emotion untouched.

Jealousy is such a strong emotion that even a two year old child is not left untouched from it. Even a two year old kid feels jealous from his/ her younger sibling when he finds that all the attention that he used to get is now been given to his younger sibling. This is because right from the birth we see; we feel the patches of jealousy around us, even at our homes. Knowingly or unknowingly we infuse in the minds of children the deep feeling of jealousy. This keeps growing with the age and we start feeling jealous with every passing person.

Jealousy is a direct consequence of making comparison. The more we compare, the more we fell jealous. But the interesting thing here is that despite of knowing this fact we cannot stop contrasting because we have been taught to do so, we have been grown up in this way. And this is not specific to a culture; this is common to the entire humanity. Another interesting point here is that we only make comparisons with other individuals; we don’t really contrast ourselves with this nature or the other creatures of the God. Again this is the consequence of the teachings infused into the minds of children right from the day they start understanding their surroundings.

One a child secured second position in his class. But instead of feeling happy, he was feeling sad. He performed way better than other students in his class and in place of being happy for this he was sad because he could not beat that one of student of the class. He could not understand the reason of his sadness and so he discussed it with his mother then his mother made him understand that he was sad because he was comparing him with the other student. He was in reality feeling jealous of that student because he won all the praises of the teachers.

We feel jealous because we are not contended with what we achieve. We always crave for bigger and this craving increases when we see someone who achieves that bigger achievement and we start feeling jealous with that person. This in the nature of human, we cannot remain happy with what God has given us. We always wish for more, we always compare. And sadly, we only compare with someone who has achieved more than us. It is not in our nature to make comparisons with people who are struggling to reach up to the place we have already passed by. This imprudent outlook only leaves the person in miseries. Moreover, this also harms the self worth of the person since that person is always underestimating him/ her, thinking of others to be superior.

The term jealousy is often misinterpreted to be envy or both are taken to be the same feelings. However, they are two different emotions with a thin line of separation between them. Often people facing these emotions themselves do not understand the difference between them. Jealousy originates from positive roots while the very origin of envy is negative. Envy is typically concerned with materialism that is it concerns the emotions where the people feel jealous of belongings of other people. Like a school going girl craves for new dresses and accessories when she finds her friends possessing those fashionable things.

Jealousy mainly circles around loss of a desired position or person or something that is not materialistic rather close to your heart and is your earnest desire. Often jealousy involves three or more persons, one feeling jealousy, one from he gets jealous and the one or more people who are close to the person getting jealous. These are the people who are either directly or indirectly involved in this jealousy. When a close friend of yours starts getting closer to other girl you start feeling jealous of the girl. Or if we take the example cited above the kid felt jealous because that first position was his earnest desire, losing which he lost the appraisal of his teachers, therefore he start feeling jealous of the other student.

The day we forget ourselves, we start becoming jealous. We forget our potentials and are influenced by what the others attain. We are more concerned about the inner strength of others, the talents that others possess rather than looking at the goodness of ours. This ignorance may be due to decreased self worth or because of your upbringing. Numerous parents teach their children the lesson of jealousy right from their childhood. They keep comparing them from other children in their class, from the children of their neighbors, from the children of their relatives, from the children of their colleagues and the list never ends. This leaves a deep impact on their minds and this becomes a tendency of theirs to keep comparing themselves. And this tendency has only grown in the competitive world of today where everyone strives to perform better than the other.

We wish we could be more beautiful than others, we wish we could be richer than others, we wish we could be more magnetic than others and so on, and this becomes a never ending list because we always manage to fetch an individual at a more appealing position than ours. We keep moving ahead and we keep finding more people ahead of us, at a level where you wished you could reach, but you couldn’t and this makes you jealous of that person. We keep blaming our fortune for our failures because we fail to accept or that we don’t want to accept our failures because this is not in our very nature.

Jealousy quietly steps into our relationship and starts hollowing it just like a termite do to a piece of wood. We feel jealous in relationships because we cannot share or we fear to share since we fear to lose. This reflects lack of faith in relationship because there is no place for jealousy or fears where there if faith. Sometimes the reasons of feelings are hard to explain, you never know why you like, love or hate someone. All you know is, you just do it. Feelings are too complicated to understand. And when you see some third person affecting your relationship you get disturbed which is natural. We think we are progressive, we have a broader aspect towards life but in reality, no individual is left untouched of jealousy.

The moment we start losing our grip from our relationships we start getting jealous since we are afraid. We are afraid of transformations, we are addicted to our relationships are we wish it should remain the same way ever. We are afraid of rejection, of being left alone. It reflects our uncertainties regarding our self worth and suspicions regarding our competencies. Jealousy is always secondary to some other emotion. Underneath the curtain of jealousy, there is some other emotion that actually gives birth to this green devil. Generally they are either panic about something or an unfulfilled requirement for something. When jealousy enters into our relationship, the quick response of our brain to retaliate as our relationship seems to be in trouble.

Emotions are an inherent part of a human, a human being without feelings is as good as nonexistent human. No one can deprive an individual of his emotions. However intense negative emotions are not good, neither for that individual nor for the people around him. It is, therefore advised to control jealousy and do not let it grow to an extent that is start becoming a hurdle in your way. Most people are now turning towards mediation for such purpose since it not only recovers us from problem but removes that problem right from its origin. Meditation however cannot help recovering from jealousy instantly it requires great practice and patience on the side of the individual.

The best practice to overcome jealousy is to concentrate on a peace providing image whenever you find yourself sinking into the darker emotions. As an instance if you chose the image of a waterfall then recall this image whenever you find yourself feeling jealous and let it be placed between your negative thoughts and you. It might seem silly at the moment but in a few days you will start noticing the transformation that this technique will bring to your life. In start you will be uncomfortable with the process but with time it will be immediate for you.

Sooner is always better but this does not mean that later is bad. Sometimes we realize our mistakes a bit late but acceptance is the biggest chastisement and apology also. Life is too short to live with regrets therefore the day we realize our mistake we should take a step to repay for it. It is true that lost time can never be regained but the coming moments is definitely in our hands and it can be made to shine brighter, even brighter than they used to be earlier. Moving from darkness to light is the biggest achievement and the man who succeeds in doing that can win over any battle. Lost relationships can be regained, lost faith can be recovered but the first step towards happiness is acceptance of yourself and your competencies. Only insane compare since no one can be as good as everyone. The deeper we dive into our personality the shinier we become because only we can polish ourselves and inner strength.

The moment we free ourselves from the chains of jealousy we are transformed into a genuine personality that blooms. This is because we know who we are and we are contended with it. This will provide you the complete fulfillment and ecstasy in life. You cannot be hurt by petty things because you have overcome the feeling of inadequacy. Every individual has in itself enormous amount of potential to realize the splendor of his individuality and to rejoice the liberty of liveliness. You will not be affected by the superiority of anyone nor will the inferiority of anyone will influence you.


Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account