Understanding Trust Issues in Relationships – Causes, Problems, Healing Techniques and Advice


Most people understand trust to be an analytical step that is directly related to the emotional aspect of the person. Somehow this is just a superficial definition of trust. Since feelings have nothing to do with logic, they just flow out. Trust is rather the inner power that a man possesses which has nothing to do with the tricky logics and the cunningness around him. It is a quality that can only be gained by freeing oneself completely and which grows with every passing moment.  Freeing here means to completely lose oneself and devote to God. It can only be felt from within.

People tend to modify the things according to their own convenience and so is the trust. When we assess the pros and cons of giving away our trust, identify the possibilities of failures and success, compute the probable data of the hard work and finally conclude that giving away your trust to the person concerned is not a bad deal then you are not trusting that person. This trust is worthless since giving away trust to a person worth it is of no use. Such people only expose their obligations to persons whom they are sure of, believing that they cannot take benefit of their trust.

To trust is a personal choice. The world is full of mistrust, people doubt each other, deceive each other but the ray of trust shines the day a person understands the emptiness of the doubt. Because when there is no doubt, there can only be trust. Since doubt is not contradictory to trust, instead it signifies the nonexistence of trust. The entire darkness of doubts is feeble in front of even a single ray of trust.

For any relationship to be successful, the foundation of that relationship should be built upon trust. It works like latex that holds the two partners together. However, it can never be forced upon anyone. We cannot trust anyone just because we are taught to do so, trust can only come out instantly and it should come out instantly. Unless it is so, it is not trust; it is just a compulsion that can never cause the relationship to grow. Therefore never force or compel yourself to trust rather free yourself and let the feelings flow out of you. Compulsion will only bring doubts because the meaning of trust has modified. We demand proof for trusting people and this is not trust, rather mistrust. There is a very fine line between trust and mistrust and most of the people cross that line in relationship without knowing that they have already done so. It is essential that you trust in yourself for you to trust others. Trusting in oneself gives that inner strength to you that eradicates the gloom of doubt from within and spread the light of trust.

In the materialistic world of today, the meaning of trust has been shrunk to the limits of belief. Though they are two opposite terms, entirely differing in meaning but in context to today’s world, their meaning has become identical. Belief is an analytical act wherein we place our trust in the other person after having known the actuality or being convinced of the truth or loyalty of that person. While on the one hand, belief is all about the knowledge that we possess and understanding of the facts around us, and on the other hand, trust concerns hope, and the inner strength. Sadly, we misinterpret trust and belief to be the same feelings.

Trust should be a quality of the subject. Like a flower never loses its fragrance until it dies one should not lose that inner strength of trust until its last breath. You may find several people around who will break your trust every time we give it to them. But your strength should not shake because of such petty worldly things because no one can take away trust from except yourself. It is the most precious thing that you can possess, everything in this world is transient, even our existence. But our trust is as transient as we are, it will remain with us forever. A person of trust will spread the joy of trust wherever he goes. People may cheat you, people will break your trust, but if you continue moving on your way without getting bothered by such petty things, the ones who cheated you shall feel guilty, the ones who deceived shall apologize for their mistakes. This is because trust has enormous supremacy to enlighten the lives of people.

However, one cannot understand the power of trust until he experiences mistrust. However, mistrust and absence of trust are two different matters. Absence of trust simply does not mean mistrust; it simply means absence of trust. There can be numerous reasons for this nonexistence of trust. Once upon a time a jungle explorer got lost in dense jungle while on an exploration. He wandered day and night in that jungle, all hungry and thirsty, to find his way out, but he failed to do so. The fourth day while he was wandering, he saw another man sitting beneath a tree. He was overwhelmed with happiness to see him and embraced him. When the other man asked him for the reason of his joy, he narrated his story. After he finished the other man replied that this was preposterous, and that he himself is lost from past seven days.

This sunk a man into his miseries once again, even deeper than before. Because somewhere he thought that he was free earlier, free to choose the direction, in which to move, and free to walk as long as he desired but now that they were together, he will have to serve his mood also. Here the man does have mistrust in the other man; instead he does not believe the other man.

Trust has to be grown from within. The person of trust shall always lead his life joyously because having trust in itself is the biggest ecstasy. Mistrust can only lead you to anguish but unfortunately, people themselves choose their way to this anguish. Children are taught right from the day they start speaking to keep their trust aside because people are not worth it; the world is full of cunningness.

Indian literature is the richest in this world; it is full of knowledge that can lead world from miseries to ecstasy. Meditation is among such things that can treat any kind of ailment. I do not mean that nonexistence of trust is an ailment, but feeble inner strength in a way is an ailment which can be cured with meditation. Though meditation cannot help you increase your trust directly but is can make you increase your inner strength. Nonexistence of trust is because we fear of that unknown thing. This is very natural, especially today when the conscience of people is so weak that it can astray from its way the next moment itself. Therefore it cannot be considered to be a sign of chicken heartedness.

Meditation will help you increase the inner strength of yours and will guide you from the path of unknown to the known. It, however, cannot be achieved in day. It can only be achieved with practice. But the first step towards this way is to free you from this materialism.

Trust is of utmost importance in a relationship because it brings out the bond of reliability and understanding between two people in a relationship. We have numerous relationships with several people around us and trust works out like a glue that holds tight the two people together. Trust can be thought of as a long road with two people on the either sides of the road who walk in equal proportion to come together. It does not mean that if the other person stops trusting in you, you should stop trusting in him as well. But to hold the relationship tight the effects of the two people in it is essential. Just like a single wheel cannot move the vehicle smoothly but can only drag a few steps further, if a single person wishes to uphold a relationship with his trust, he can only drag that relationship, since in nonexistence of trust a relationship loses its beauty.

Many people adopt the path of mistrust because they were cheated when they placed their trust. This is an exhibition feebleness of your inner strength. It shows that you cannot fight; you put down your weapon not because you chose to do so, but because you were compelled to do so. But it is never too late to choose the path of your heart. Though it will be a long journey, it will take time to remove the dark and bring the shining light in. But one should never forget that a small matchstick is sufficient to enlighten the entire surroundings. But to begin with it we first need to ignite that matchstick. This is the matchstick that is somewhere within us but we have kept it extinguished. So remove all fears from within, trust in the power of God. This gives us the enormous power and strength to fight from all fears and overcome it with shining colors.

To trust cannot be a decision; it just demands your complete acceptance. Acceptance of the fact that everyone is here for some reason and that God has chosen me for a reason. God is impartial and so is the nature. It is unfavorable to anyone for no reason. If some day in life you feel that it is being unfavorable, then just surrender yourself to God and believe in his powers, understand that fact that it is simply your misinterpretation.


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