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In a conundrum

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    I have been in an extremely disfunctional marriage for the last 10 yrs. It is only recently thru prayer & counseling that I have gained the courage & confidence to end it. Part of my “therapy” was to write down what I wanted in a partner and I did. What I didn’t expect was to actually meet him so soon! He has 31 out of 45 traits that were important to me. The other 14 are of a more personal nature and would require spending more initmate time with him (dating) in order to see if he had the other 14.

    Here’s the problem; he is my husband’s adopted brother. Yep – my husband doesn’t really keep in touch with him or the rest of his family really. My brother in law has been living in another state and is thinking about moving. He came here to check things out.

    Absolutely nothing happened between us – but there was definitely chemistry. We just talked a lot, spent time with his daugher and my two daughters.  Just hung out and had fun. As tame as everything was – you could feel the chemistry humming right under the surface. My kids love him, he’s an awesome guy, available and most of everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. Advice please. He’s a scorpio (November 8) & I’m a cancer (July 18)



    Ask Oracle

    Gr8 going, I suggest you to look towards this budding relationship with hope and optimism but my concern is different.

    extremely disfunctional marriage for the last 10 yrs.

    Are you sure you have healed your mind and body and emotional hurt from your last marriage? Have you reached a state where you can simply let go of the past?

    Healing and learning new relationship skills is absolutely important for a rock solid and happy relationship. In fact both of you can do it together, so it will be more time together and a common goal to begin relationship with.



    Thank you so very much for responding! You are absolutely correct about needing to heal & let go of the past. I have no desire to repeat the mistakes & patterns from the past!!! To that end I am signing up for ” divorce care” a program offered at church to help people heal from divorce & seeing a counselor one-on-one. 

    Ask Oracle

    Good thing, also take a look at our Solutions section.

    User Deleted

    Even though I have not been married, I participate in a DivorceCare group also. I highly recommend it. Individual therapy can also be very helpful, with the Divorce Care as a good adjunct. Good luck to you!

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