wanting forgiveness from my scorpio lover…advice?
July 5, 2012 at 1:44 am #32336581CinnamonhoneyMember
I am a Sagittarius and was in a 10 mo relationship with a Scorpio man that ended in April of this year. We had a very intimate and affectionate relationship and had so much fun together..but he was very VERY possessive over me and didn’t want me to hang out with my friends, thought I was cheating on him all the time when I wasn’t and overall smothered my Sagittarian freedom to the point of depression with his jealousy. He would even get upset if I spent “too long” at my parents house in a day.
I loved him and wanted to make him happy but I felt like whatever I did he was not satisfied. I am a perfectionist at heart so not being able to fully please my partner was deeply upsetting, on top of the fact that I was frustrated at not being able to be myself and go out to meet people.
Long story short I started rebelling against his wishes for me to stay at his side and cheated on him…didn’t tell him but he found out (as I figured he would) and he initially freaked out, doing everything he could to isolate me from the people I care about..everything to make my life miserable.
I felt (and still to this day) extreme guilt and agony over the entire situation. On one hand I was not happy in the relationship anymore but I knew I shouldn’t have acted out in the way that I did and should have communicated my unhappiness to my Scorpio in a much better way. I still love him very much and want more than anything to make ammends with him. I know how hard forgiveness is to come by from an intense sign like a scorpio but I genuinely want to put in the work to have a healthy relationship with him.
We had tried to make things work shortly after he found out I had cheated but I found that he was way too hurt to talk rationally about the situation…including both of our faults in the relationship that caused many problems. All he wanted to do was blame me and paint himself in the perfect light. I was already torn apart inside with guilt over what I had done and all he wanted was to tear me to shreds. So I stopped talking to him for 2 months.
We ran into each other at a music festival last weekend. I was very suprised when he found me in the crowd, took my hand and told me how much he still loved and cared about me and wished that I would call him sometime…so I called him the next day. We’ve been spending every day since then with each other….all day just him and I, hugging, cuddling and just so happy to be back in each other’s arms. He says he’s so happy to have me back in his life but that he has mixed feelings about “us” ever being real again.
I know he is still hurting but he says he wants to make things work. He wants to take our relationship very slowly and tells me I need to change my ways in order to gain his trust and to be more open with him. I want him to understand my need for freedom doesn’t mean that I don’t love him any less or that I won’t be faithful to him if I’m not around him.
How can I gain back his trust? or is that even possible?
(thank you for reading, I know it was long…I appreciate any feedback, especially from scorpio males)July 5, 2012 at 7:12 am #32343621
You need time to gain back the trust really long time as what you wrote above. being a scorpio after what happened he can still have the thinking of being togather with you after what had happened that mean he really love you from his heart. Most important no LIES and BETRAY when a scorpio is in love with you.
Ps: Let him feel that you really wan to change for the good.July 5, 2012 at 8:17 pm #32343623bistySixMember
From what you have posted I gather that the two of you bring out some very bad qualities in each other… And spite is one of them. The only thing that will help this situation is time… And not time together time a part. You have detailed some red flags that are beginning to wave… I am speaking to you in regards to his behavior… And if I was talking to him I would say the same thing in regards to your behavior. And unfortunately that doesn’t just “reset” itself. Otherwise in a little while… After the euphoria of being back in his arms wears off… That hold will get tighter still… You thought the last time was restricting… Oh sister, just wait! You haven’t seen smothering the likes of which is coming.
Why was it soooooo smothering last time and now your grateful to have him back and ready to prove your love? Do just want him back because you went so long that he didn’t want you? That’s not love. And neither is jumping through hoops trying to prove yourself to someone. What happens is you end up jumping through hoops for someone and they know it. And a dude who knows a girl is desperate for HIM… Well let’s just say It’s not exactly ideal conditions for respect to grow.
This is about all self respect… Nothing you did was wrong – cause you aren’t married to this dude… Until you are then that is when you get taken off the proverbial “market.” and it is also the only place in this that you have some leverage. Scorpios want a challenge… Not some wilting flower… So bone up girl. If you love this guy and want to be with him forever. I mean FO’ EVVA !!!! That means this is the man you want to spend the rest of your days with… No one else. If that is an easy consideration for you… Than I can tell you what to do. Which is a ballsy move… It will piss him off and inspire him at the same time. But,If you want to be all dramatic and want a temporary rollercoaster romance – thats fine too! To each his own… Just please understand your role in this is much larger than you think… And I think you both need some time a part to understand your individual responsibility in this.
This is BistySixSeptember 18, 2012 at 3:40 pm #32343976AnonymousInactive
Bistysix So what should she do ? What is the Balisy move you speaking about, cutting all contact with him and making him come after her? Im curious.September 20, 2012 at 6:23 pm #32343990bistySixMember
Well… in her case I suggested not contacting him… Don’t ignore him… But DO NOT initiate the contact. She needed to create some intrigue around herself… So that he will wonder why she is not jumping through hoops anymore for him. And that is enough to make him call. However – the trick is in the patience… How long could one wait? Should one wait? That is all subject to the scenario occurring between two people. She wanted to prove to him how strong she was in her love for him… So she told him that…repeatedly… Until she was blue in the face and crying. And he didn’t believe her. So the tests kept coming- straight shenanigans!!! And quite honestly – I wouldn’t believe her either.
When you tell someone you love them- and you’ll be there for them- that should not come with the condition of receiving it back. If one is offering it – offer it with Noooooooooooo expectation of EVER getting it back. In her particular case she is definitely more verbal and he wanted to know she loved him through action. That little bridge is very difficult for many people to cross. Because it means you are offering yourself unconditionally. And unconditional doesn’t mean SAYING it and then next week whining and crying over the fact he hasn’t said it back… It means being there for him… Period. Doing whatever you can to make his life easier. For your own self respect you need to know when the writing is on the wall and he relationship is damaging you… But I can tell you it doesn’t take long to see red flags… A lot of woman – unfortunately- don’t recognize what red flags are… They wish and hope the guy is gonna turn out to be what they want… And then when the fucking bloom of romance starts falling off the rose… They try demanding the guy change for them… What? If anyone reading this is demanding something of their man… Take a step back and look at THY SELF!
With a Scorpio… (with a man) When they begin to trust your actions – they then trust your words… And then you no longer have to speak them. And that is the connection they are looking for- non verbal connection- that says this person is with me hell or high water… Funny thing that happens with Scorpio is – he becomes more verbal- because there is no demand on him to express his feelings. Good grief- again- to the woman out there reading this who aren’t getting their Scorpio man (or any zodiac man) to open up. Next time you want to demand… Shut up… Cook him dinner… Give him a bj… Give him a message. Do this every time you wanna open your trap- for a month. Then Watch what happens… I guarantee he’ll start giving you what you want in his own way… His own time… And you’ll be a happy woman. If you can’t do this… And your constantly saying “what about me?” I got news… This ain’t the guy for you.
Offering this kind of selfless/ego-less love- does not mean being a doormat… It actually can only come from someone who knows themselves well… And also knows their personal standards. If you do not know yourself well – or what your standards are… and you are a whining hot house flower that is always crying to your Scorpio about the very things you are not offering… This is not the guy for you. He will step all over the fact that you don’t get it. And scorpio will not be nice about it when he realizes you are just like the rest. It pisses him off. He wants a woman… Not a little girl. And little girls generalize… A Woman knows SHE sets the tone.
He is looking for the woman who is stronger than him – The one with the emotional intelligence and CALM to quietly get through to him that he’s worth it. If she sets the tone he will mimic it. If it is a bad tone – that’s what you get.
Again – if you look back at what I said to her- it is clear that she was beating her head against a wall… And desperately trying to PROVE herself to him. Scorpio doesn’t want desperate… He wants you to naturally want to love him…He wants to be chosen – feel chosen- and then sought out… Then and only then when he begins to trust it… will he begin to unravel… And that unravelling is both disconcerting and brilliant at the same time. You have to be their sound board… And a strong one… They need it and expect it. And when you can be a CALM example of it… They in turn exemplify it back… And you become the chosen one.
For her it was clear to me that they had veered way off course and really her only option was to press the reset button – for both of them… I hope she isn’t continuing on the shenanigan course… Because her tears would be of her own doing… Not his.December 17, 2012 at 2:24 am #32344244DelmiraMember
I’m a Scorpio, female, but male and female have many of the same traits. I have worked my whole life at not being jealous of other women becoming attracted to my husband(s). I over compensate by spoiling them, making it impossible for them to want to stray, or me to LOSE.
After many many years, I think I finally understand the Scorpio in me. I want to be the most important person in the world to my mate, and I think this is what your boyfriend is exhibiting with you. I think this is a decision that you have to decide, is this something you want to work hard to achieve, getting back in his good graces? Scorpio’s will always forgive, but they will never forget. It is always sitting in the background. I don’t think we even realize we’re doing this, and aren’t always in control of those emotions.
A couple of things I used to do to maintain interest with my husband is… I’d mail him a card, or letter. Something cute, or a serious love letter. I did this for 40 years, and whenever he got the mail and there was something in there for him, he was like a kitten with a ball of yarn. I could do anything, and he’d crumble because, and this is the imortant point– I had sent him a card or letter, and he felt like out of my busy schedule, day, etc., he was the most important thing on my mind. He felt like #1, no matter what kind of day I had. I used to set an appointment on my calendar on the computer at work… “Call husband and see if there is something special he would like to do, or you could get for him! NOW!!!”
When he answered the phone or listened to my message saying… Honey, what do you want for dinner, just thinking of you… Love ya.
He was again putty. I did love him dearly, and I did mean everything I said and did, but I had put my priorities in the wrong order of appearance. Once he thought that he was number one, no matter whatelse I had going on that day, it didn’t matter. It was a reassurance, and so what if I had to have a reminder pop up on my computer to remind me… we have alarms to wake up in the morning.
It’s not what we think we’re doing, it’s what they think we’re doing and in what order of importance.
Good luck.December 29, 2012 at 1:42 pm #32344263
I am capricorn and was on a relationship with a male scorpio lately. but we broke up couple of days ago, it was his idea. he said he felt tired because i was being warmth a while and cold a while. he favoured me to change this attitude of mine. i asked him, what if he fell in love with another girl and would we be together again? he claims that he will not fall in love with another girl as he is afraid of falling in love again. and about being together again, he said we cannot predict the future so we’ll see.
I’m being depressed and all i have no idea what i should do to gain him back. is he indirectly giving me a chance to change? what about his feelings towards me? does it still exist, even a little?
When i texted him, sometimes he replied sometimes he don’t, claiming that he doesn’t touch his phone. is he testing me? is he trying to let me feel what he felt before? ah, this is so confusing. This happen so sudden and i am not prepared.February 8, 2013 at 12:25 pm #32343526
i hope you are okay. I am in the same boat. I am an Aries. my scorpio and I have not been able to maintain a stable relationship however we have been together for 3 years. I love him dearly. just after Christmas he told me never to contact him again. So I didn’t but then he contacted me via email. I didn’t see his emaput for 2 weeks as I put him in my spam box but I missed him so much that replied as soon as I saw it. I was very kind though because he did tell me to leave him alone. Anyway eventually I meet up with him and we had a heart to heart. Saying he would always have a place in his heart for me!
today he told me he just wanted sex from me. And throughout our relationship he had been sexing other women! As you might guess I am so angry right now.June 6, 2013 at 1:51 am #32344516birdmanMember
As a cheated on Scorpio male, I would suggest, sadly or not, walk away and don’t expect anything again. He may or may not ever want you again. Probably not. It will never be the same.
I was cheated on by my wife. I will never leave her while we have small children but often fi d myself counting the days until I can go. Not to find someone else, but to escape the pain. I don’t believe I will ever trust love again.
Scorpio or just male, I don’t know. But its been 4 years and it feels like yesterday.
Sorry.August 11, 2013 at 11:26 pm #32344720
I am a scorpio too and I’d suggest it’s time you move on. he’s not coming back.
I have been cheated upon myself. It took me time, but I got over my ex. And he means nothing to me now. There’s no way I’d ever think of letting him into my life ever again.
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